Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, no way. I have no interest in hanging out with coworkers late on a weeknight. I want to get home and be with my DH, have dinner, exercise etc. I go to HH maybe 4x year and am on my way home by 7.

Your industry and position? Income? In my career socializing after work is important for networking. I go to drinks/dinner 3-4x a month when at home. It’s part of the job. I have a salary that hovers between $500k and $1.2 million. That said, I am up st 6 am with the kids. It’ was one night...I’d just tell him have fun but you are on duty in the morning

Shut your pie-hole.

DH does dinner interviews for his job or has work encouraged dinner events about once a month. We have 3 young kids (4, 2 & 2 months) and it bothers me a little (especially because my work has nothing like it), but I let it go. A few times a year I ditch him for a girls night and remind him that, while I agree it’s not exactly the same, 1 girls night is nowhere near as painful for him as 3 workdos are for me. (And we earn comparable incomes before anyone else, it’s not like he’s the breadwinner, our jobs are just different.)

When I had 1 kid, I stayed out past his bedtime unless I needed to pump or nurse. It is less disruptive for me to not be around at all than to waltz in 10min after stories started.

Now that we have 2 kids I make a point to be home for bedtime. If I think I can’t - happy hour downtown, people I rarely see are in from out of town,etc. I clear that with my husband first. He knows he has until about 7pm to text and say “I need you home by 8”.

My husband is a Fed and his happy hours are not wild at all. He is usually home before I start bath and bedtime. If not, he checks the Nest cams from his phone and gauges whether it would be helpful to come in late in the routine or if I’ve got it under control.

Anonymous wrote:I don't really care what time he comes home. But I would be LIVID if he tried to get out of morning duties. If you are going out on a weeknight you have to still be ready for the next morning because we both still need to go to work and the kids need to get to preschool. On a weekend night we do switch off in the morning so he could sleep in if he'd gone out with friends the night before. But we talk about that ahead of time and plan for it.

LOL it must suck being married to you.

My DH will never do a happy hour for more than an hour or 1:15 and one and no more than two drinks. He's an executive and too many bad things can happen by hanging our for many hours.

Anonymous wrote:DH went to a happy hour this week as a welcome to the team celebration with his coworkers. He stayed out until almost midnight - which annoyed me because he was hungover the next morning and couldn’t handle drop-offs like he’s normally suppose to with the kids.


He also mentioned his team does this x2 month. Do you/ your significant other go to HH semi regularly (+ have kids) and stay out that late?

This is the problem. It's fine if he wants to go to happy hour but it should not affect his ability to fulfill his responsibilities as a parent.

Btw, two happy hours a month is not a lot, especially if he's in a profession where networking is important. I'm in sales and I usually go to one happy hour/after work type event per week. But I only have a couple drinks and certainly, not enough that it would cause me to be hungover the next morning.

OP better nip that now. Your spouse is immature. I can see a few times a month, but advance notice, and he gets to watch the kids when you go out with friends etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH went to a happy hour this week as a welcome to the team celebration with his coworkers. He stayed out until almost midnight - which annoyed me because he was hungover the next morning and couldn’t handle drop-offs like he’s normally suppose to with the kids.


He also mentioned his team does this x2 month. Do you/ your significant other go to HH semi regularly (+ have kids) and stay out that late?

If he goes whenever his team goes, this would not fly with me.

Not really. The only thing that wouldn’t fly at my house is shirking parental responsibility. He’s exhausted after staying out late? Tough. Drop off is still at 8am.

I would make sure to leave extra early the morning after these late nights so it’s clear that has to be a responsible adult. If he’s to drunk to drive, he call in sick (and watch the kids) while he divers up.

Anonymous wrote:DH went to a happy hour this week as a welcome to the team celebration with his coworkers. He stayed out until almost midnight - which annoyed me because he was hungover the next morning and couldn’t handle drop-offs like he’s normally suppose to with the kids.


He also mentioned his team does this x2 month. Do you/ your significant other go to HH semi regularly (+ have kids) and stay out that late?

I haven't been to happy hour in years.

DW goes to HH much more frequently and stays much later. There’s a small “girls group” she hangs with at work; their after work dinner and drinks can easily stretch until 10pm. There have been a few in the past that went to midnight or 1am. They only get together about once every two months, since a few of the gals are teleworkers and they do a big dinner when all are in the DC office. Her happy hours with mixed group of colleague (men and women, various ranks of staff and mgmt) usually end by 8pm.

I go to HH only 2-3x per year. I’m usually done by 7pm. I also travel internationally a lot for work, so I tend to have long dinner and drinks with foreign colleagues when I’m overseas. It’s just a different vibe with those colleagues, as it’s more commonplace to do that in Europe.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't happy hour. It's going out with co-workers. Which is fine if that's the plan, but "hey I'm going out for HH" is just the softball so that there's no strict end time for the night and you're not expecting him home for dinner/bedtime/whatever. It also puts you in the position of being the nagging spouse texting "when are you coming home?".

Wouldn't work for me. Go out, or don't, but don't treat the at-home spouse like the mom who's waiting up for the kid to get home.

OP here. I think this is the core of what bothered me. Also that I had to pick up kid duties the next morning, in addition to the next night, etc. It started my day off rough since I didn't plan on that in the slightest.

I'm the PP who wrote this, and yes that's how I'd feel too. I think it's reasonable; your'e basically wanting your partner to work with you so that you too can manage your time and energy. I'd have an early talk about this so it doesn't become the routine. "Hey Dave, I know you need to connect at HH with your co-workers as part of your job. I need to recharge for the next day and count on you to help me with kids in morning. Can we agree on when you're coming home, or can I count of you to be up and at 'em with Larla and Larlito in the morning?"

(If he opts to stay out I would also set aside a girls night out for myself the following weekend, bc the woman-as-the-default-parent stuff doesn't fly in my house, but that's just me ).

Anonymous wrote:This isn't happy hour. It's going out with co-workers. Which is fine if that's the plan, but "hey I'm going out for HH" is just the softball so that there's no strict end time for the night and you're not expecting him home for dinner/bedtime/whatever. It also puts you in the position of being the nagging spouse texting "when are you coming home?".

Wouldn't work for me. Go out, or don't, but don't treat the at-home spouse like the mom who's waiting up for the kid to get home.

OP here. I think this is the core of what bothered me. Also that I had to pick up kid duties the next morning, in addition to the next night, etc. It started my day off rough since I didn't plan on that in the slightest.

Happy Hour is normally over by 7pm most places, sometimes earlier. No drink and appetizer specials after that so 7:15 at the latest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, no way. I have no interest in hanging out with coworkers late on a weeknight. I want to get home and be with my DH, have dinner, exercise etc. I go to HH maybe 4x year and am on my way home by 7.

Your industry and position? Income? In my career socializing after work is important for networking. I go to drinks/dinner 3-4x a month when at home. It’s part of the job. I have a salary that hovers between $500k and $1.2 million. That said, I am up st 6 am with the kids. It’ was one night...I’d just tell him have fun but you are on duty in the morning

+1. DHs job is like this as well. He still gets up with the kids. One of my favorite stories was that he went out to a Friday night HH. He was out past midnight. I know because that's what time I went to bed. The plan was to take the kids to the zoo on Sat morning. At 7am, I was dragging my butt out of bed. He was up, showered, and packing snacks for the outing.

This isn't happy hour. It's going out with co-workers. Which is fine if that's the plan, but "hey I'm going out for HH" is just the softball so that there's no strict end time for the night and you're not expecting him home for dinner/bedtime/whatever. It also puts you in the position of being the nagging spouse texting "when are you coming home?".

Wouldn't work for me. Go out, or don't, but don't treat the at-home spouse like the mom who's waiting up for the kid to get home.