Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 19:57     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your son's you son till he takes a wife but a daughter's your daughter all your life.. yes, it is true


It’s actually not universal.

My brother got married at the age of 38. Do you think he was Mr. Birthday Remember who called often and prioritized family vacations and holidays, and then suddenly ignored us when he took a wife? Uh, no.

He’s always been fairly flaky and useless when it comes to family stuff. If anything, he’s CLOSER to us now, as his wife will remind him of birthdays and have him call to make holiday plans with us after she gets her side squared away.


That’s because your brother married late. Dh got married at 25 and his parents didn’t get to experience that. We met in college so they can blame me for why he doesn’t call them
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 19:56     Subject: Re:Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
If you truly are interested in the answer to this question, it would make a lot more sense to look up relevant research rather than to ask for random anecdotes and opinions from DCUM.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 19:48     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
There's a backlash against adult men who are close to their moms. It's culturally driven, but it's not universal.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 19:35     Subject: Re:Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
Anonymous wrote:IME, they are closer to the first few. If your siblings already have had 9 kids between them, the 10th and 11th don't elicit much attention.


This is true. Oldest grandchildren get the most attention regardless of gender.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 19:34     Subject: Re:Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
IME, they are closer to the first few. If your siblings already have had 9 kids between them, the 10th and 11th don't elicit much attention.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 19:29     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on the parent/child relationship.


This. We were much closer with my mother’s mother. But all of my cousin’s were also always at her house and they are children from two uncles and their wives. My grandmother died years ago and that side of the family seems to be closer in general.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 19:21     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
Yes.

It is true.

Wifes tend to push away their mother in law and work hard to maintain family ties with her side of the family, especially when grandkids are involved.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 19:11     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
I’m the DIL. My parents are dead. MIL is closest with my (her son’s) kids though that could be because they are older than her daughters kids.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 19:04     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
It’s a general trend, but of course there are exceptions to the rule.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 19:00     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:In my case it’s true. We see my parents at least weekly and they babysit regularly. The kids adore them. My husband’s parents are very hands off and not because of me or my husband.

FIL and his wife live in another state (4 hour flight) and coke to see the kids every few months. When they are in town they’ve never asked to have any alone time with the kids. MIL, who is single and alone, lives a 10 hour drive away and chooses not to move closer as she likes her life as it is - her hobbies, friends, volunteering, and one or two visits with us per year. She sends lots of flowery texts about how much she loves her grandkids and how proud she is of them, and also many packages of toys and clothes. That’s the extent of her participation in their lives.


My mom lives 10 minutes from us and she sees mine for at beast 1-2 hours 1-2 a month and maybe buys a few books and maybe a toy a year (and the toy stays at her house which they never go to). Close doesn't always been participation.


You’re right. My husband was hoping his mom would move closer when the kids were born (he’s an only child, no siblings). I’m guessing we wouldn’t see much of her even if she lived down the street - it’s not the distance, it’s just that she has other priorities. I don’t say that to him because why rub salt on an open wound?


He knows it. I have one sibling, but she's not much closer to her but will visit her every so often. Sibling has no kids. My mom is prefers to spend her time with her boyfriend and make a huge fuss over his family and grandkids. The problem comes when they need care. They will not help us in any way and yet expect us to jump every time they need something. I finally had enough and said no.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 18:57     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:In my case it’s true. We see my parents at least weekly and they babysit regularly. The kids adore them. My husband’s parents are very hands off and not because of me or my husband.

FIL and his wife live in another state (4 hour flight) and coke to see the kids every few months. When they are in town they’ve never asked to have any alone time with the kids. MIL, who is single and alone, lives a 10 hour drive away and chooses not to move closer as she likes her life as it is - her hobbies, friends, volunteering, and one or two visits with us per year. She sends lots of flowery texts about how much she loves her grandkids and how proud she is of them, and also many packages of toys and clothes. That’s the extent of her participation in their lives.


My mom lives 10 minutes from us and she sees mine for at beast 1-2 hours 1-2 a month and maybe buys a few books and maybe a toy a year (and the toy stays at her house which they never go to). Close doesn't always been participation.


You’re right. My husband was hoping his mom would move closer when the kids were born (he’s an only child, no siblings). I’m guessing we wouldn’t see much of her even if she lived down the street - it’s not the distance, it’s just that she has other priorities. I don’t say that to him because why rub salt on an open wound?
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 18:49     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your son's you son till he takes a wife but a daughter's your daughter all your life.. yes, it is true


It’s actually not universal.

My brother got married at the age of 38. Do you think he was Mr. Birthday Remember who called often and prioritized family vacations and holidays, and then suddenly ignored us when he took a wife? Uh, no.

He’s always been fairly flaky and useless when it comes to family stuff. If anything, he’s CLOSER to us now, as his wife will remind him of birthdays and have him call to make holiday plans with us after she gets her side squared away.


You all could be more proactive too.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 18:44     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
I believe the maternal grandmother is closer due to mother-daughter bond which contributes to the DIL making sure her family is closer to her mom.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 18:36     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
Anonymous wrote:It seems to me that maternal grandparents are closer and more involved with their grandkids. Is this true? What are your experiences like?


Nope! Both set of grandparents are about equally distant from our kids! I'm encluding my Dh's family and mine. Both grandmothers are older and don't live in the same town so kids don't see them that much.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 18:32     Subject: Re:Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
There was an article in the NYT a little while ago that mentioned research bears this trend out. Of course it’s not universal.

My MIL has only sons and we all make a big effort to make sure that it’s equitable.