Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 16:48     Subject: Re:How long did it take you to stop hating someone?
About 12 years. I didn’t hate her but harbored bitter feelings. Now that I’m older, the relationship we had holds less significance, so I’ve forgotten about her.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 16:42     Subject: Re:How long did it take you to stop hating someone?
It took me over 15 years. But much of that was my own fault...I thought if I could understand why she did the things she did, then the pain would go away. So I continued to ruminate on the whys and thus held on to the pain. I finally realized that I was never going to know why she did what she did, and that not knowing was okay. Once I let go of the whys, the hate and hurt left me. I was able to forgive her and now I rarely think of her.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 16:36     Subject: How long did it take you to stop hating someone?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I had a roommate in college who was the only person who ever truly bullied me. She physically and verbally intimidated me the entire time we lived together. She caused me to drop out of school for part of a semester because I couldn’t take it any more. Getting away from her was the most freeing event of my life. I wouldn’t say I hated her (I can’t think of anyone I hate), but my negative feelings towards her were very strong for a few years. I haven’t given her much thought in many years.

Guess who tried to friend me on Facebook recently? Now I find myself thinking of her for the first time in years and ruminating over the question of why she would reach out. I feel vaguely insulted. Does she want me to admire her life? Is she playing a mind game like she did back in the day? Is she clueless? Is it possible that she had a total personality change and has an apology to offer?

Anyway, not hate, but those buried memories and negative emotions weren’t too far from the surface 25 years later, given the right trigger.


This sounds terrible. But out of curiosity why didn't you just switch to another room? Why would you feel the need to actually drop out of school to get away from a bad roommate? That sounds really drastic, so drastic, in fact, that it makes me wonder if you had a lot of other things going on in addition to what was happening with this roommate.

It's fine to hold her accountable for what she actually did do, of course.


I moved into an apartment my junior year with one of my oldest friends and this woman, who was a newish friend of hers. We were all on the lease, and we all stretched to afford it so unfortunately it wasn’t as simple as moving to another room. There was nothing else going on, outside of what was a timid personality on my part and a borderline personality disorder on her part. I was a pretty drama free person who never had anything resembling an enemy, and didn’t see that train wreck coming.


O.k. you made a bad choice in roommates. It happens. But for you to totally drop out of school like that was extreme. Couldn't you have spent time studying in the library and maybe hanging out with other friends? I've known people who have quite literally had a 2+ hour commute to and from school every day. They basically go home to sleep. If school is a priority, you do what you gotta do.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 16:30     Subject: How long did it take you to stop hating someone?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm Irish, so my answer is, "Stop hating someone? Let go of grievances? I do not understand these words..."


this.


Irish also and agree.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 16:27     Subject: Re:How long did it take you to stop hating someone?
The dreams are the worst. I was ghosted by a best friend of twenty years. Much more hurt than anger, but it took a couple years to get over it. And still every once in a while I dream of seeing her and asking her why. I hate those dreams.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 15:45     Subject: How long did it take you to stop hating someone?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I had a roommate in college who was the only person who ever truly bullied me. She physically and verbally intimidated me the entire time we lived together. She caused me to drop out of school for part of a semester because I couldn’t take it any more. Getting away from her was the most freeing event of my life. I wouldn’t say I hated her (I can’t think of anyone I hate), but my negative feelings towards her were very strong for a few years. I haven’t given her much thought in many years.

Guess who tried to friend me on Facebook recently? Now I find myself thinking of her for the first time in years and ruminating over the question of why she would reach out. I feel vaguely insulted. Does she want me to admire her life? Is she playing a mind game like she did back in the day? Is she clueless? Is it possible that she had a total personality change and has an apology to offer?

Anyway, not hate, but those buried memories and negative emotions weren’t too far from the surface 25 years later, given the right trigger.


This sounds terrible. But out of curiosity why didn't you just switch to another room? Why would you feel the need to actually drop out of school to get away from a bad roommate? That sounds really drastic, so drastic, in fact, that it makes me wonder if you had a lot of other things going on in addition to what was happening with this roommate.

It's fine to hold her accountable for what she actually did do, of course.


I moved into an apartment my junior year with one of my oldest friends and this woman, who was a newish friend of hers. We were all on the lease, and we all stretched to afford it so unfortunately it wasn’t as simple as moving to another room. There was nothing else going on, outside of what was a timid personality on my part and a borderline personality disorder on her part. I was a pretty drama free person who never had anything resembling an enemy, and didn’t see that train wreck coming.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 15:30     Subject: How long did it take you to stop hating someone?
Anonymous wrote:I had a roommate in college who was the only person who ever truly bullied me. She physically and verbally intimidated me the entire time we lived together. She caused me to drop out of school for part of a semester because I couldn’t take it any more. Getting away from her was the most freeing event of my life. I wouldn’t say I hated her (I can’t think of anyone I hate), but my negative feelings towards her were very strong for a few years. I haven’t given her much thought in many years.

Guess who tried to friend me on Facebook recently? Now I find myself thinking of her for the first time in years and ruminating over the question of why she would reach out. I feel vaguely insulted. Does she want me to admire her life? Is she playing a mind game like she did back in the day? Is she clueless? Is it possible that she had a total personality change and has an apology to offer?

Anyway, not hate, but those buried memories and negative emotions weren’t too far from the surface 25 years later, given the right trigger.


This sounds terrible. But out of curiosity why didn't you just switch to another room? Why would you feel the need to actually drop out of school to get away from a bad roommate? That sounds really drastic, so drastic, in fact, that it makes me wonder if you had a lot of other things going on in addition to what was happening with this roommate.

It's fine to hold her accountable for what she actually did do, of course.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 15:23     Subject: How long did it take you to stop hating someone?
About 10 years. She was my best friend and tried to hit on/steal my boyfriend (now husband).

We will never be anything close to friends again, but as Facebook friends and I no longer hold any animosity towards her.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 15:21     Subject: How long did it take you to stop hating someone?
Anonymous wrote:Years, it’s an ongoing process for serious emotional pain.


This. I was wronged 9 years ago. I rarely think of this person but yesterday during my commute the issue popped into my head. The emotional hit was like it happened yesterday. Last night I dreamt about it. Today is a million times better, but I was really surprised at the strength of the emotion when I remembered it.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 15:19     Subject: How long did it take you to stop hating someone?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm Irish, so my answer is, "Stop hating someone? Let go of grievances? I do not understand these words..."


this.


This attitude has worked out very well for the Irish people as a whole over the years.

Wait . . .
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 15:18     Subject: How long did it take you to stop hating someone?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Very much depends on what made you so upset.

This.


+1

Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 15:17     Subject: Re:How long did it take you to stop hating someone?
Keep working on forgiving her in your heart and letting go. It is so hard!!! Sometimes it helped me to pity the person who did this to me. Know it will pass eventually and live well, OP. Nothing will piss her off more than your happiness and success.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 15:09     Subject: How long did it take you to stop hating someone?
Anonymous wrote:Very much depends on what made you so upset.

This.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 15:06     Subject: How long did it take you to stop hating someone?
Anonymous wrote:I'm Irish, so my answer is, "Stop hating someone? Let go of grievances? I do not understand these words..."


this.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 15:04     Subject: How long did it take you to stop hating someone?
Very much depends on what made you so upset.