Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tough one. Just spread me and let him do his thing. Maybe fantasize about him being someone else. You have a crappy life.

Go away-
Don’t you get it? She is in an abusive relationship. No husband or wife is “owed” sex and no person should have sex if they don’t want to, for whatever reason.
Go to counseling.

I'm concerned why she thinks she's obligated to still have sex with this creep. If he's unwilling to get help or change her priority should be to get out of there. Good communication and respect will improve a marriage. Doesn't sound like this guy will change and OP married the wrong guy.

She is married to him. Sex is one of the things that happens in marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tough one. Just spread me and let him do his thing. Maybe fantasize about him being someone else. You have a crappy life.

Go away-
Don’t you get it? She is in an abusive relationship. No husband or wife is “owed” sex and no person should have sex if they don’t want to, for whatever reason.
Go to counseling.

I'm concerned why she thinks she's obligated to still have sex with this creep. If he's unwilling to get help or change her priority should be to get out of there. Good communication and respect will improve a marriage. Doesn't sound like this guy will change and OP married the wrong guy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tough one. Just spread me and let him do his thing. Maybe fantasize about him being someone else. You have a crappy life.

Go away-
Don’t you get it? She is in an abusive relationship. No husband or wife is “owed” sex and no person should have sex if they don’t want to, for whatever reason.
Go to counseling.

Anonymous wrote:Tough one. Just spread me and let him do his thing. Maybe fantasize about him being someone else. You have a crappy life.

Anonymous wrote:How do you find it in you to have sex when your spouse has been treating you terribly and the resentment is building? I'm thinking of leaving him, but our children are very young and it would take a couple of years for me to plan and execute. But, if the marriage were to improve during that time I would stay. Currently, I can't bring myself to be intimate at all. Is there a way?

Anonymous wrote:Ear plugs.

But don't worry, if you continue not having sex, he will find it elsewhere.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really need to deal with the resentment issues first unless no sex is the cause of the resentment.

I resent him because he's a jerk and has said so many heinous things. He is resentful about the lack of sex (among other things, I'm sure).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's actively treating you badly, then don't have sex with him. If he's just kind of checked out, more sex could trigger a virtuous cycle where he's more engaged with the family which makes you happier which makes you more likely to want to have sex with him, etc.

So, if he's a dick, dump him. If it's a logjam that needs broken, do what you need to do to get yourself in the mood and break the jam.

I think it's the former, unfortunately. I'm not in a position where I could just leave him anytime soon.

Why not? Is your citizenship in jeopardy if you leave?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's actively treating you badly, then don't have sex with him. If he's just kind of checked out, more sex could trigger a virtuous cycle where he's more engaged with the family which makes you happier which makes you more likely to want to have sex with him, etc.

So, if he's a dick, dump him. If it's a logjam that needs broken, do what you need to do to get yourself in the mood and break the jam.

I think it's the former, unfortunately. I'm not in a position where I could just leave him anytime soon.

Anonymous wrote:A hall pass for him to relieve the sexual pressure may break the cycle of resentment in your marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Desire is not only physical but mental. If your husband is fairly awful to you during the day, it's hard to want to sleep with him at night. I think counseling is probably necessary, but if you want to tackle this on your own I would really praise him whenever he does something kind and completely ignore him when he is terrible.

I find most immature, bullying men act that way because they want a response like a child having a temper tantrum, and if you simply look at him with disdain/pity and walk away, hopefully he'll realize you won't take the bait. You can hope his behavior improves so you can start to see him like a real attractive man versus the other child you're forced to care for just without the same amount of love that you feel for your actual children.

Thank you. Yes, I do ignore his poor behavior 98% of the time. But those times that I do have a voice and stand up for myself, I pay for it. He's verbally and financially abusive, unfortunately.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Desire is not only physical but mental. If your husband is fairly awful to you during the day, it's hard to want to sleep with him at night. I think counseling is probably necessary, but if you want to tackle this on your own I would really praise him whenever he does something kind and completely ignore him when he is terrible.

I find most immature, bullying men act that way because they want a response like a child having a temper tantrum, and if you simply look at him with disdain/pity and walk away, hopefully he'll realize you won't take the bait. You can hope his behavior improves so you can start to see him like a real attractive man versus the other child you're forced to care for just without the same amount of love that you feel for your actual children.

Thank you. Yes, I do ignore his poor behavior 98% of the time. But those times that I do have a voice and stand up for myself, I pay for it. He's verbally and financially abusive, unfortunately.