I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who is already in a relationship. Sounds like this guy is not quite available. Personally this wouldn’t work for me.
FWIW my DH has an ex and they do have kids together. They are on good terms and co-parent well together. However his weekend time is spent with the kids and with me, not with the ex. Works very well for us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex helps with house repairs. I was the first wife and we're still friends. Sorry you're insecure.

I don’t think I’m insecure, actually, I just want to spend time with him. It seems like she should handle stuff at her house- hire contractors to get it done, and not pressure him. She is wealthy, cost is not an issue. He still seems very attached. As someone said “it’s what I signed up for”... but, really?

Also he will try to cover it up- saying he has to go do “errands” when we are talking about the weekend. But then he seems to not want to lie and will tell me he was over there doing work, if I ask him how his day was. Since we didn’t spend the day together.

He probably covers it up because he knows it bothers you, not because there is anything nefarious going on.

After my divorce was finalized and I had moved on with my life my ex-husband is the very last person on the face of the earth I’d want doing anything for me. And we do have a decent relationship. But aside from the kids he’s not part of my life anymore. I don’t think OP’s situation is healthy. If I were the OP I’d move on and find someone who would prefer to spend time with her than help the ex-wife every weekend.

Anonymous wrote:You found a good guy and your going to blow it up but I suspect this is not your first time messing up a good relationship.

I haven’t “blown” anything up nor have a I messed up a good relationship. I just want to spend time with him on weekends, and yet he is often away doing chores at his former wife’s house, which he hides from me. He lived there too for many years, so he wants to do the work. He tells me “no one else cares enough to do a good job.” One 18 year old kid still lives in the home.

My DH did this for years. He mowed the grass every week, fixed the fence, gutters, helped when the pipes froze and burst. His kids lived there at the time. Once the youngest went to college she moved (also was only her house after the divorce). She still lives close. He went to her new house recently and changed the up high need a ladder light bulbs.

When the kids were in high school I’d go with him frequently. We also had to exchange our Tupperware from packing school lunches. She taught my daughter how to sew.

OP - are his kids still living there? Could you conceivably go with him on occasion? If you’re going to marry this man his ex wife will be in your life

You found a good guy and your going to blow it up but I suspect this is not your first time messing up a good relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex helps with house repairs. I was the first wife and we're still friends. Sorry you're insecure.

I don’t think I’m insecure, actually, I just want to spend time with him. It seems like she should handle stuff at her house- hire contractors to get it done, and not pressure him. She is wealthy, cost is not an issue. He still seems very attached. As someone said “it’s what I signed up for”... but, really?

You may not have signed up for it, but this is the relationship they have. They were married a long time. Tough dynamic for you if they’re still attached to each other, which clearly they are. You can live with it but I don’t think you should ask him to change. That never turns out well.

My BF does this. Not frequently,but it doesn't bother me at all. His young son still loves there so he will pitch in wherever he can to help (painting, contractor recs, moving stuff etc) They have 50/50 custody so I see the the ex wife multiple times a week. They're not buddies or friends but if it's in the best interest of the kid it's not even a question. Makes sense to me. We're all happy.

Anonymous wrote:Or you could look at it as a positive that two divorced people have remained friends and hems be a pretty good guy if he is still looking out for her.

I am divorced but remain friends with my ex. I absolutely do not want a sexual relationship with him, but for the kids and my own sake, there is nothing wrong with being friends!

Friendship: good.
Unable to move on: not good.

Anonymous wrote:He's gotta learn to stop being a sucker.

His XW has gotta learn that she lost the free handyman when the divorce was final.

Actually I think this is right on. It’s a matter of if I want to hang around until then, or deal with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can always break up with him, op. I would.

+1000

But life is messy... he probably feels guilty for having affairs and leaving her. Am I right?

He's gotta learn to stop being a sucker.

His XW has gotta learn that she lost the free handyman when the divorce was final.

Anonymous wrote:Is he working on her plumbing?

Bahaha

Anonymous wrote:You can always break up with him, op. I would.

+1000

Or you could look at it as a positive that two divorced people have remained friends and hems be a pretty good guy if he is still looking out for her.

I am divorced but remain friends with my ex. I absolutely do not want a sexual relationship with him, but for the kids and my own sake, there is nothing wrong with being friends!