Anonymous
Post 01/09/2019 17:05     Subject: Re:Did anyone have an adoption fall through at the hospital
OP here! We totally support the birth mother and are only coming to the hospital after birth because she has asked over and over again if we will please come. If she changed her mind we will just get a hotel near by. I would never go where not invited. Ever.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2019 16:41     Subject: Re:Did anyone have an adoption fall through at the hospital
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. We had a baby born still years and walking out those labor and delivery doors without a baby is truly my worst fear. I know the chances of it happening are likely so I am trying to physically and mentally prepare myself. We have had matches that have fallen through before but both at much earlier stages. Everything points to "its a go" but I know how suddenly things change during these situations. Ive been getting migraines like crazy and DH has lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. We just really want it to "be over" so we just know. Thanks for letting me vent anonymously.


I am so, so sorry for your loss, OP. I wish you every happiness. I hope you can also hold on to the awareness of the kind of grief the first mother may experience if she walks out of labor and delivery without her baby, too, only with the added (or different) grief of leaving her baby behind. I hope you will give her time and space to be certain and allow hormones and emotions to settle down before she makes her final decision. Please do not cried her or rush her. I know many first mothers who deeply regret their choice to relinquish and felt incredible pressure from the adoptive families. They genuinely cared about the prospective adoptive parents and felt such pressure not to break anyone’s heart at the last minute. But compassion for you should not outweigh her if she chooses to parent, and I hope you can be as loving and generous as possible in allowing this baby to be raised by its natural parents if that is what the mother chooses. Please give her time alone with the baby and allow her emotions to settle.

Rooting for your family in every way, and for this child and her mother.


There is no such thing as a first mother and natural parent. You constantly comment on here your anti-adoption rants. Its unfortunate you had a bad experience but your posts are offensive with first parent, natural parent... an parent through adoption is no less a parent and is not an 2nd parent or unnatural parent. My heart would break of you spoke to my child that way about adoption.


There is literally nothing she wrote there that is anti-adoption.


You might not be aware but this language is EXTREMELY anti adoption. You see "natural parents" "first mother" and other such language used all over the internet to undermine the relationship a child has with their parents (ie the ones who raised them). It's a very swarmy, undermining way to be anti adoption.


Ok, I can believe those words are used that way. But other than those specific phrases, nothing of what she said is wrong.


Anti-adoption folks use them but they are very offensive to the parents and kids. This is about supporting someone trying to adopt and has nothing to do with the birthparents and their needs. Start your own thread.


DP. I don't think that's fair. Maybe you can quibble with some of the phrases that PP used, but I agree with someone else who said the overall sentiment is reasonable and on-topic. I don't think a birth mother (I assume that is a more neutral term) should be pressured into giving up a baby and that it is reasonable to give her some time to make a final decision. I don't think anyone pro-adoption would support pressuring someone to give up their baby and I don't think advocating against it shows a lack of support to OP, who presumably would not want the birth mother to be pressured into giving up the baby even if she very much hopes she voluntarily chooses to go through with the adoption.?
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2019 16:33     Subject: Re:Did anyone have an adoption fall through at the hospital
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. We had a baby born still years and walking out those labor and delivery doors without a baby is truly my worst fear. I know the chances of it happening are likely so I am trying to physically and mentally prepare myself. We have had matches that have fallen through before but both at much earlier stages. Everything points to "its a go" but I know how suddenly things change during these situations. Ive been getting migraines like crazy and DH has lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. We just really want it to "be over" so we just know. Thanks for letting me vent anonymously.


I am so, so sorry for your loss, OP. I wish you every happiness. I hope you can also hold on to the awareness of the kind of grief the first mother may experience if she walks out of labor and delivery without her baby, too, only with the added (or different) grief of leaving her baby behind. I hope you will give her time and space to be certain and allow hormones and emotions to settle down before she makes her final decision. Please do not cried her or rush her. I know many first mothers who deeply regret their choice to relinquish and felt incredible pressure from the adoptive families. They genuinely cared about the prospective adoptive parents and felt such pressure not to break anyone’s heart at the last minute. But compassion for you should not outweigh her if she chooses to parent, and I hope you can be as loving and generous as possible in allowing this baby to be raised by its natural parents if that is what the mother chooses. Please give her time alone with the baby and allow her emotions to settle.

Rooting for your family in every way, and for this child and her mother.


There is no such thing as a first mother and natural parent. You constantly comment on here your anti-adoption rants. Its unfortunate you had a bad experience but your posts are offensive with first parent, natural parent... an parent through adoption is no less a parent and is not an 2nd parent or unnatural parent. My heart would break of you spoke to my child that way about adoption.


There is literally nothing she wrote there that is anti-adoption.


You might not be aware but this language is EXTREMELY anti adoption. You see "natural parents" "first mother" and other such language used all over the internet to undermine the relationship a child has with their parents (ie the ones who raised them). It's a very swarmy, undermining way to be anti adoption.


Ok, I can believe those words are used that way. But other than those specific phrases, nothing of what she said is wrong.


Anti-adoption folks use them but they are very offensive to the parents and kids. This is about supporting someone trying to adopt and has nothing to do with the birthparents and their needs. Start your own thread.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2019 16:31     Subject: Re:Did anyone have an adoption fall through at the hospital
Aww this is so tough. Praying for peace and calm for you and your husband. I know you 100% can understand how the birth mom is feeling so please ignore those ignorant comments of putting yourself in her place. I’m also so sorry for your loss. You have been through so much and know one day you will be able to look back and know how strong you were the entire way through. Sending hugs.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2019 14:58     Subject: Did anyone have an adoption fall through at the hospital
OP, a friend and his partner are currently waiting out the last month to what hopefully will be a smooth adoption. Anecdotally, he said his caseworker told them it's more common for changes of mind to happen before the hospital, less likely at the hospital. That was counter-intuitive to me, but I hope that in his case and yours it will be true. I'll be thinking of you as we wait to hear his good news as well.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2019 14:42     Subject: Re:Did anyone have an adoption fall through at the hospital
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. We had a baby born still years and walking out those labor and delivery doors without a baby is truly my worst fear. I know the chances of it happening are likely so I am trying to physically and mentally prepare myself. We have had matches that have fallen through before but both at much earlier stages. Everything points to "its a go" but I know how suddenly things change during these situations. Ive been getting migraines like crazy and DH has lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. We just really want it to "be over" so we just know. Thanks for letting me vent anonymously.


I am so, so sorry for your loss, OP. I wish you every happiness. I hope you can also hold on to the awareness of the kind of grief the first mother may experience if she walks out of labor and delivery without her baby, too, only with the added (or different) grief of leaving her baby behind. I hope you will give her time and space to be certain and allow hormones and emotions to settle down before she makes her final decision. Please do not cried her or rush her. I know many first mothers who deeply regret their choice to relinquish and felt incredible pressure from the adoptive families. They genuinely cared about the prospective adoptive parents and felt such pressure not to break anyone’s heart at the last minute. But compassion for you should not outweigh her if she chooses to parent, and I hope you can be as loving and generous as possible in allowing this baby to be raised by its natural parents if that is what the mother chooses. Please give her time alone with the baby and allow her emotions to settle.

Rooting for your family in every way, and for this child and her mother.


There is no such thing as a first mother and natural parent. You constantly comment on here your anti-adoption rants. Its unfortunate you had a bad experience but your posts are offensive with first parent, natural parent... an parent through adoption is no less a parent and is not an 2nd parent or unnatural parent. My heart would break of you spoke to my child that way about adoption.


There is literally nothing she wrote there that is anti-adoption.


You might not be aware but this language is EXTREMELY anti adoption. You see "natural parents" "first mother" and other such language used all over the internet to undermine the relationship a child has with their parents (ie the ones who raised them). It's a very swarmy, undermining way to be anti adoption.


Ok, I can believe those words are used that way. But other than those specific phrases, nothing of what she said is wrong.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2019 14:40     Subject: Re:Did anyone have an adoption fall through at the hospital
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. We had a baby born still years and walking out those labor and delivery doors without a baby is truly my worst fear. I know the chances of it happening are likely so I am trying to physically and mentally prepare myself. We have had matches that have fallen through before but both at much earlier stages. Everything points to "its a go" but I know how suddenly things change during these situations. Ive been getting migraines like crazy and DH has lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. We just really want it to "be over" so we just know. Thanks for letting me vent anonymously.


I am so, so sorry for your loss, OP. I wish you every happiness. I hope you can also hold on to the awareness of the kind of grief the first mother may experience if she walks out of labor and delivery without her baby, too, only with the added (or different) grief of leaving her baby behind. I hope you will give her time and space to be certain and allow hormones and emotions to settle down before she makes her final decision. Please do not cried her or rush her. I know many first mothers who deeply regret their choice to relinquish and felt incredible pressure from the adoptive families. They genuinely cared about the prospective adoptive parents and felt such pressure not to break anyone’s heart at the last minute. But compassion for you should not outweigh her if she chooses to parent, and I hope you can be as loving and generous as possible in allowing this baby to be raised by its natural parents if that is what the mother chooses. Please give her time alone with the baby and allow her emotions to settle.

Rooting for your family in every way, and for this child and her mother.


There is no such thing as a first mother and natural parent. You constantly comment on here your anti-adoption rants. Its unfortunate you had a bad experience but your posts are offensive with first parent, natural parent... an parent through adoption is no less a parent and is not an 2nd parent or unnatural parent. My heart would break of you spoke to my child that way about adoption.


There is literally nothing she wrote there that is anti-adoption.


You might not be aware but this language is EXTREMELY anti adoption. You see "natural parents" "first mother" and other such language used all over the internet to undermine the relationship a child has with their parents (ie the ones who raised them). It's a very swarmy, undermining way to be anti adoption.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2019 14:00     Subject: Re:Did anyone have an adoption fall through at the hospital
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. We had a baby born still years and walking out those labor and delivery doors without a baby is truly my worst fear. I know the chances of it happening are likely so I am trying to physically and mentally prepare myself. We have had matches that have fallen through before but both at much earlier stages. Everything points to "its a go" but I know how suddenly things change during these situations. Ive been getting migraines like crazy and DH has lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. We just really want it to "be over" so we just know. Thanks for letting me vent anonymously.


I am so, so sorry for your loss, OP. I wish you every happiness. I hope you can also hold on to the awareness of the kind of grief the first mother may experience if she walks out of labor and delivery without her baby, too, only with the added (or different) grief of leaving her baby behind. I hope you will give her time and space to be certain and allow hormones and emotions to settle down before she makes her final decision. Please do not cried her or rush her. I know many first mothers who deeply regret their choice to relinquish and felt incredible pressure from the adoptive families. They genuinely cared about the prospective adoptive parents and felt such pressure not to break anyone’s heart at the last minute. But compassion for you should not outweigh her if she chooses to parent, and I hope you can be as loving and generous as possible in allowing this baby to be raised by its natural parents if that is what the mother chooses. Please give her time alone with the baby and allow her emotions to settle.

Rooting for your family in every way, and for this child and her mother.


There is no such thing as a first mother and natural parent. You constantly comment on here your anti-adoption rants. Its unfortunate you had a bad experience but your posts are offensive with first parent, natural parent... an parent through adoption is no less a parent and is not an 2nd parent or unnatural parent. My heart would break of you spoke to my child that way about adoption.


I think that the PP is correct though, to give the birth parents time and space to make their decision. This is their baby before anyone else's and they shouldn't feel pressured or rushed, as hard as it is for the adoptive parents. I'm so sorry for your loss, OP, and I hope you do wind up bringing a baby home. I know a couple that just took their adopted baby home from the hospital this time last year!


This has nothing to do with the topic. You missed the point completely. This isn't about how to interact with the birthparents. It is about the fear of a failed adoption.


Right. And OP might be better off if she gave herself some emotional distance and accepted that the baby belongs to the birth mother unless/until she relinquishes and any revocation period runs out. It's always better to accept reality. Not sure why OP is even (apparently) going to be in L&D. That seems like a lot of pressure on everyone.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2019 13:59     Subject: Re:Did anyone have an adoption fall through at the hospital
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. We had a baby born still years and walking out those labor and delivery doors without a baby is truly my worst fear. I know the chances of it happening are likely so I am trying to physically and mentally prepare myself. We have had matches that have fallen through before but both at much earlier stages. Everything points to "its a go" but I know how suddenly things change during these situations. Ive been getting migraines like crazy and DH has lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. We just really want it to "be over" so we just know. Thanks for letting me vent anonymously.


I am so, so sorry for your loss, OP. I wish you every happiness. I hope you can also hold on to the awareness of the kind of grief the first mother may experience if she walks out of labor and delivery without her baby, too, only with the added (or different) grief of leaving her baby behind. I hope you will give her time and space to be certain and allow hormones and emotions to settle down before she makes her final decision. Please do not cried her or rush her. I know many first mothers who deeply regret their choice to relinquish and felt incredible pressure from the adoptive families. They genuinely cared about the prospective adoptive parents and felt such pressure not to break anyone’s heart at the last minute. But compassion for you should not outweigh her if she chooses to parent, and I hope you can be as loving and generous as possible in allowing this baby to be raised by its natural parents if that is what the mother chooses. Please give her time alone with the baby and allow her emotions to settle.

Rooting for your family in every way, and for this child and her mother.


There is no such thing as a first mother and natural parent. You constantly comment on here your anti-adoption rants. Its unfortunate you had a bad experience but your posts are offensive with first parent, natural parent... an parent through adoption is no less a parent and is not an 2nd parent or unnatural parent. My heart would break of you spoke to my child that way about adoption.


There is literally nothing she wrote there that is anti-adoption.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2019 13:57     Subject: Re:Did anyone have an adoption fall through at the hospital
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. We had a baby born still years and walking out those labor and delivery doors without a baby is truly my worst fear. I know the chances of it happening are likely so I am trying to physically and mentally prepare myself. We have had matches that have fallen through before but both at much earlier stages. Everything points to "its a go" but I know how suddenly things change during these situations. Ive been getting migraines like crazy and DH has lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. We just really want it to "be over" so we just know. Thanks for letting me vent anonymously.


I am so, so sorry for your loss, OP. I wish you every happiness. I hope you can also hold on to the awareness of the kind of grief the first mother may experience if she walks out of labor and delivery without her baby, too, only with the added (or different) grief of leaving her baby behind. I hope you will give her time and space to be certain and allow hormones and emotions to settle down before she makes her final decision. Please do not cried her or rush her. I know many first mothers who deeply regret their choice to relinquish and felt incredible pressure from the adoptive families. They genuinely cared about the prospective adoptive parents and felt such pressure not to break anyone’s heart at the last minute. But compassion for you should not outweigh her if she chooses to parent, and I hope you can be as loving and generous as possible in allowing this baby to be raised by its natural parents if that is what the mother chooses. Please give her time alone with the baby and allow her emotions to settle.

Rooting for your family in every way, and for this child and her mother.


There is no such thing as a first mother and natural parent. You constantly comment on here your anti-adoption rants. Its unfortunate you had a bad experience but your posts are offensive with first parent, natural parent... an parent through adoption is no less a parent and is not an 2nd parent or unnatural parent. My heart would break of you spoke to my child that way about adoption.


I think that the PP is correct though, to give the birth parents time and space to make their decision. This is their baby before anyone else's and they shouldn't feel pressured or rushed, as hard as it is for the adoptive parents. I'm so sorry for your loss, OP, and I hope you do wind up bringing a baby home. I know a couple that just took their adopted baby home from the hospital this time last year!


This has nothing to do with the topic. You missed the point completely. This isn't about how to interact with the birthparents. It is about the fear of a failed adoption.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2019 13:55     Subject: Did anyone have an adoption fall through at the hospital
Not to scare you, but my brother had one fall through at the hospital. I believe the agency was at fault for not thoroughly screening the birth mother. Here's hoping your adoption goes through smoothly!
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2019 13:52     Subject: Re:Did anyone have an adoption fall through at the hospital
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. We had a baby born still years and walking out those labor and delivery doors without a baby is truly my worst fear. I know the chances of it happening are likely so I am trying to physically and mentally prepare myself. We have had matches that have fallen through before but both at much earlier stages. Everything points to "its a go" but I know how suddenly things change during these situations. Ive been getting migraines like crazy and DH has lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. We just really want it to "be over" so we just know. Thanks for letting me vent anonymously.


I am so, so sorry for your loss, OP. I wish you every happiness. I hope you can also hold on to the awareness of the kind of grief the first mother may experience if she walks out of labor and delivery without her baby, too, only with the added (or different) grief of leaving her baby behind. I hope you will give her time and space to be certain and allow hormones and emotions to settle down before she makes her final decision. Please do not cried her or rush her. I know many first mothers who deeply regret their choice to relinquish and felt incredible pressure from the adoptive families. They genuinely cared about the prospective adoptive parents and felt such pressure not to break anyone’s heart at the last minute. But compassion for you should not outweigh her if she chooses to parent, and I hope you can be as loving and generous as possible in allowing this baby to be raised by its natural parents if that is what the mother chooses. Please give her time alone with the baby and allow her emotions to settle.

Rooting for your family in every way, and for this child and her mother.


There is no such thing as a first mother and natural parent. You constantly comment on here your anti-adoption rants. Its unfortunate you had a bad experience but your posts are offensive with first parent, natural parent... an parent through adoption is no less a parent and is not an 2nd parent or unnatural parent. My heart would break of you spoke to my child that way about adoption.


I think that the PP is correct though, to give the birth parents time and space to make their decision. This is their baby before anyone else's and they shouldn't feel pressured or rushed, as hard as it is for the adoptive parents. I'm so sorry for your loss, OP, and I hope you do wind up bringing a baby home. I know a couple that just took their adopted baby home from the hospital this time last year!
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2019 13:48     Subject: Re:Did anyone have an adoption fall through at the hospital
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. We had a baby born still years and walking out those labor and delivery doors without a baby is truly my worst fear. I know the chances of it happening are likely so I am trying to physically and mentally prepare myself. We have had matches that have fallen through before but both at much earlier stages. Everything points to "its a go" but I know how suddenly things change during these situations. Ive been getting migraines like crazy and DH has lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. We just really want it to "be over" so we just know. Thanks for letting me vent anonymously.


I am so, so sorry for your loss, OP. I wish you every happiness. I hope you can also hold on to the awareness of the kind of grief the first mother may experience if she walks out of labor and delivery without her baby, too, only with the added (or different) grief of leaving her baby behind. I hope you will give her time and space to be certain and allow hormones and emotions to settle down before she makes her final decision. Please do not cried her or rush her. I know many first mothers who deeply regret their choice to relinquish and felt incredible pressure from the adoptive families. They genuinely cared about the prospective adoptive parents and felt such pressure not to break anyone’s heart at the last minute. But compassion for you should not outweigh her if she chooses to parent, and I hope you can be as loving and generous as possible in allowing this baby to be raised by its natural parents if that is what the mother chooses. Please give her time alone with the baby and allow her emotions to settle.

Rooting for your family in every way, and for this child and her mother.


There is no such thing as a first mother and natural parent. You constantly comment on here your anti-adoption rants. Its unfortunate you had a bad experience but your posts are offensive with first parent, natural parent... an parent through adoption is no less a parent and is not an 2nd parent or unnatural parent. My heart would break of you spoke to my child that way about adoption.


Agreed. As an adoptee this language and the sentiment behind it is so disgusting.

OP, My parents had 2 failed adoptions before me. I hope that can give you some hope that if it doesn't go through this time, hopefully it will eventually.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2019 13:39     Subject: Re:Did anyone have an adoption fall through at the hospital
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. We had a baby born still years and walking out those labor and delivery doors without a baby is truly my worst fear. I know the chances of it happening are likely so I am trying to physically and mentally prepare myself. We have had matches that have fallen through before but both at much earlier stages. Everything points to "its a go" but I know how suddenly things change during these situations. Ive been getting migraines like crazy and DH has lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. We just really want it to "be over" so we just know. Thanks for letting me vent anonymously.


I am so, so sorry for your loss, OP. I wish you every happiness. I hope you can also hold on to the awareness of the kind of grief the first mother may experience if she walks out of labor and delivery without her baby, too, only with the added (or different) grief of leaving her baby behind. I hope you will give her time and space to be certain and allow hormones and emotions to settle down before she makes her final decision. Please do not cried her or rush her. I know many first mothers who deeply regret their choice to relinquish and felt incredible pressure from the adoptive families. They genuinely cared about the prospective adoptive parents and felt such pressure not to break anyone’s heart at the last minute. But compassion for you should not outweigh her if she chooses to parent, and I hope you can be as loving and generous as possible in allowing this baby to be raised by its natural parents if that is what the mother chooses. Please give her time alone with the baby and allow her emotions to settle.

Rooting for your family in every way, and for this child and her mother.


There is no such thing as a first mother and natural parent. You constantly comment on here your anti-adoption rants. Its unfortunate you had a bad experience but your posts are offensive with first parent, natural parent... an parent through adoption is no less a parent and is not an 2nd parent or unnatural parent. My heart would break of you spoke to my child that way about adoption.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2019 13:18     Subject: Did anyone have an adoption fall through at the hospital
Fingers crossed for you OP.

This all sounds so emotional, thanks for sharing, I'm welling up at the emotion in your writing.

Try to relax a little and find some quiet calm if you can, your mind and body could use it I'm sure, even if just for 10 minutes. Like the Headspace app meditations. Sounds like a lot of stress hormones and they're not helping you.

Agree with pp sbout having a therapist either way. Hugs and best wishes!