Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 21:13     Subject: Husband is a saint
Anonymous wrote:Ok, this will seem weird, but it's been bugging me a lot more than usual in recent weeks. My husband of ~20 years is a saint. Gentle, intelligent, kind, hardworking, healthy, and good-looking. He has no vices. Never tried drugs, never smoked a cigarette, has maybe 2-3 drinks per month. Solid career, good money, faithful, loving, thoughtful - I could go on. Yes, I know how lucky I am, and here's the issue.... It is quite stressful trying to live up to him. I am a good but flawed person. In my younger days I was a bit of a party girl, and I still have a drink every night. He has always inspired me to be a better person, and as soon as we started dating I worked hard to 'shape up' - no more partying, got serious about my career, grew up emotionally. Part of that was in response to family and friends telling me that he was too good for me - part of it was a genuine desire to emulate this incredible man that I fell in love with. Now, I am a responsible, successful adult and I generally like myself and am proud of what I've done with my life. But, I still enjoying having fun on occasion - the occasional cigarette with a girlfriend, the occasional toke when it crosses my path. I feel the need to hide these moments from my husband for fear that he'll judge me or be disappointed. Anyone dealt with these sorts of feelings?


No one who makes you feel guilty for being an occasional, benign sinner is a saint.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 21:11     Subject: Re:Husband is a saint
Anonymous wrote:He sounds really boring to me You are allowed to let go on occasion as long as it doesn't impact your kids and you keep in PG


Are you 13. Drinking and smoking do not make you cool and exciting and not doing do doesn't make you boring.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 21:09     Subject: Husband is a saint
Yawn. Your not the bad girl you think you are. I'm sure he knows you smoke as he can smell it on you. You smokers don't hide it as well as you think. He doesn't care. But I suspect you are using this to justify an affair and blame him for it.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 21:07     Subject: Husband is a saint
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hope by toke you don’t mean drugs? Imagine if you got arrested and your DH finds out then? He’d never believe you again. At least let him know the truth.


Weed is decriminalized you prude.


And it's still crap for your body.

Op can enjoy her lung cancer.

Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 21:05     Subject: Husband is a saint
Does he actually judge you or are you just looking for problems? Has he ever said anything unkind or been mean about you having fun?
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 20:01     Subject: Husband is a saint
Anonymous wrote:I hope by toke you don’t mean drugs? Imagine if you got arrested and your DH finds out then? He’d never believe you again. At least let him know the truth.


Weed is decriminalized you prude.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 19:35     Subject: Husband is a saint
Anonymous wrote:I hope by toke you don’t mean drugs? Imagine if you got arrested and your DH finds out then? He’d never believe you again. At least let him know the truth.


Yeah - cigarettes = yes.
Drugs? Nah.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 19:33     Subject: Husband is a saint
Anonymous wrote:Ok, this will seem weird, but it's been bugging me a lot more than usual in recent weeks. My husband of ~20 years is a saint. Gentle, intelligent, kind, hardworking, healthy, and good-looking. He has no vices. Never tried drugs, never smoked a cigarette, has maybe 2-3 drinks per month. Solid career, good money, faithful, loving, thoughtful - I could go on. Yes, I know how lucky I am, and here's the issue.... It is quite stressful trying to live up to him. I am a good but flawed person. In my younger days I was a bit of a party girl, and I still have a drink every night. He has always inspired me to be a better person, and as soon as we started dating I worked hard to 'shape up' - no more partying, got serious about my career, grew up emotionally. Part of that was in response to family and friends telling me that he was too good for me - part of it was a genuine desire to emulate this incredible man that I fell in love with. Now, I am a responsible, successful adult and I generally like myself and am proud of what I've done with my life. But, I still enjoying having fun on occasion - the occasional cigarette with a girlfriend, the occasional toke when it crosses my path. I feel the need to hide these moments from my husband for fear that he'll judge me or be disappointed. Anyone dealt with these sorts of feelings?


Geez - that was mean of them!!

You should be able to show your full self to your husband though. Maybe work on that with him?
Cigs are ok, I wouldn’t ‘toke’ on anything until you maybe open up to DH.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 19:28     Subject: Husband is a saint
Have you talked to him about this OP? He probably likes this about you - he probably enjoys going out with you. My dad married my mom because she was fun (still is) and she was spontaneous. You should be honest with him about your insecurities and see what he says.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 19:18     Subject: Husband is a saint
My ex-wife used to describe me the same way. Occasionally it would come up that she didn't feel like she was "good" enough for me. Let her tell it, I was Mister Rogers compared to her. She saw as vices the things that I felt made her the most interesting and fascinating person I'd ever met. She felt like she had to be more like me when I always wished I could be less restrained and be more like her.

Opposites attract, OP. If it's been 20 years, I'm pretty sure he knows who you are through and through. You can be human and still be attractive to him.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 18:47     Subject: Husband is a saint
My boyfriend is like that. But I think I bring a lot of joy to his life. He can be a little robotic. Keep doing you, OP. It’s worked for this long.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 18:06     Subject: Husband is a saint
You feel insecure because you are trying to hide this part of yourself from your spouse. Get into couples counseling and use that space to be honest about how, when and why you let loose. Either he will jugde you and it is not a good match and you should get out before having kids, or he will accept you for who you really are and you will grow as a couple.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 17:46     Subject: Re:Husband is a saint
After 20 years you can have some fun but if it would piss him off why do it? If you've got a great thing going why push it?
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2019 17:17     Subject: Husband is a saint
I hope by toke you don’t mean drugs? Imagine if you got arrested and your DH finds out then? He’d never believe you again. At least let him know the truth.