Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by touchy feely

+1. What does this mean?

Other than a hug hello or goodbye and maybe an occasional pat on the back what physical contact would be acceptable?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll be the contrarian. My BF is a guy I grew up with. I was very clear with my now- husband of 18 years that if he had an issue with this, we wouldn’t work.

BF was in our wedding, later married and had a kid, and is like a brother to me. There’s not always an ulterior motive, and to assume otherwise is shitty.

So your situation is nothing like what op described and you should not have replied.

Uh, she’s the girl that’s friends with the boy. Red BF as best friend, not boyfriend.

This definitely needs more observation time..

I’ve been on both sides of this. I had a male best friend who was a friend, then a boyfriend, then an ex - the relationship didn’t work and having that in the past and almost made it easier for us to be friends because there were no remaining questions about the possibility of a relationship. Ultimately the friendship faded over time because it was too uncomfortable for my now-husband.

I also had a very close friend for years and didn’t realize that he had a strong interest in me the whole time and the friendship fell apart when i dated one of his friends and all the underlying issues came to light.

So i could see either possibility being the case in OP’s situation.

Anonymous wrote:He is in love with her. She isn’t with him but keeps him around to make herself feel good. Run.

Agree.

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by touchy feely

+1. What does this mean?

What do you mean by touchy feely

DH's closest friend is a woman, and drop dead gorgeous at that and was single for a long time before and during our courtship and early marriage (she now has a partner). I really like her and never felt uncomfortable, but they are not touch feely, never fooled around and she is very emotionally astute--when we started dating, she was very careful to include me in their plans, etc, and reach out to me so that we developed a friendship. In this case, my flags never were raised and I encourage him to see her, as I think she is a good influence and he needs friends. Plus, I think she would never go for him, her type is taller and better looking.

DH did have a work relationship that I felt had the potential to be inappropriate--you can just tell when something is brewing--and I just brought it up calmly but firmly and nipped it in the bud.

This clearly bothers you as you put very in "". So no, if you feel like that you should not be dating this dude, simple as that. What is good for one person might not work for the other, simple as that. I would not be comfortable with DH having such a friend and I am aware that to some other woman this might not be a big deal at all. You sense something is off, why would you stay in this situation then? Next thing he'll tell you he isn't ready for marriage and then marry his best friend two moths after dumping you. You did see that thread right?

Anonymous wrote:My now husband was the same. When we were dating he introduced me to his beautiful “best female friend”. Went to her home a few times she is really gorgeous, nice and very smart. I have yet to find out about any romance between them smh. I can only trust that they are just “ really good friends.

And he rubs on her and stuff? That’s super cool?

Anonymous wrote:He is in love with her. She isn’t with him but keeps him around to make herself feel good. Run.

Yes, most likely this.

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating this guy for a few months. He is *wonderful* in almost every aspect and we really connect. But... his best friend is a woman who he's known since he was a kid. He insists nothing has been going on for a long while (apparently they never "dated" but fooled around when they were young). He was extremely forthcoming about all of this. And honestly, it would be fine except for the fact that they can be a bit touchy feely sometimes. Also, she's very very pretty. Also x2, I feel like he's making it a point to not bring her around a lot. Which could be a good thing or a bad thing? I am all for men and women having opposite sex friends and I really like this guy but... am I making a big deal out of nothing?

Yes, you are overreacting. People love each other in different ways and just because she is an attractive woman, does not automatically mean they are secretly in love with each other in romantic way.

My now husband was the same. When we were dating he introduced me to his beautiful “best female friend”. Went to her home a few times she is really gorgeous, nice and very smart. I have yet to find out about any romance between them smh. I can only trust that they are just “ really good friends.

The touchy feels thing is a huge red flag.

Get out now.

Anonymous wrote:He is in love with her. She isn’t with him but keeps him around to make herself feel good. Run.

The opposite could be true as well. I've had 2 very close opposite sex friends. One was very dangerous when she got really drunk. We did hook up a few times but never when the other was involved. I think we were attracted to each other but ultimately neither of us was willing to risk our friendship on an attempted LT relationship. The other was purely platonic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to here a guys take on this.

My wife has has had a very close guy friend since I first knew her. He's a very nice guy and I've never had a reason to be concerned about their relationship. He was single when I first met him and now he's married with kids. They are still great friends and I'm not so insecure that I worry about it.

It has nothing to do with insecurity. It’s that they never acted in a way that appeared to be more than friendship. Would you feel the same if they had fooled around? Were touchy-feely? If she kept you guys from getting to know each other?