I think women put more value on, see it as ordinary and even as an accomplishment, that relationships are work and need to be worked on. Probably shouldn't. Women should, probably instead, develop better radar for finding an easy-going match-up.

If you've been together a long time and lived together it's understandable especially if there were no big underlying issues.

I think some women chase unavailable men and are shocked when they don't end up with Mr Big in the end. Personally, I only dated men who were dating to find a wife. It's easy to tell who is looking for fun and who is serious within a few months. So, I was the one either cutting it off because I didn't want to marry the guy or in the case of the guy I married, slowing down the march to the altar.

Women are given terrible advice about men. I don't blame them, because they are told to put off marriage. But when you're doing the "get married at the last minute in your early 30s" thing, its a game of chicken with fate.

Anonymous wrote:From a guy’s perspective, my wife of six years often talks about guys who didn’t propose to her and wonders why.

Why would she expect all these guys to propose?

women want what they can't have

Because mofos will sit up your couch, lay in the V and waste your time then ring up the next women in two weeks.

I think these women are the ones who waited for too long and had very little self-respect.

In school and college, I had accepted that I was not the prettiest girl and poured my energy into doing well in academics, planning a career, having lots of friends and interests and having a great time. I wanted to experience as many new things as I could - food, places, cultures, hobbies, experiences. What I did not have time for was waiting for a guy and pining for one. When I stopped jonesing for a romantic relationship and became an outgoing person who was always trying to evolve and improve, I started to get a lot of male attention. By that time, their attention was flattering but not something that would sweep me off my feet. When I did meet DH, he was very quick (within 2 months) to let me know that he was serious about me and thinking long term. Guys can be pretty immature about many things, but they do know who they want to marry very soon in the relationship.

I’ve known more guys who can’t get over that a woman dumped them since they were let down so nicely. It’s like they can’t believe that no means no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, well in my experience it's because the guy took 5+ years to figure out she wasn't the one, but also spoke about "eventually getting married" to keep her from leaving. So she lets herself be emotionally vulnerable, doesn't have the opportunity to date other men, and invests time and energy only to discover that he really didn't care about her enough to let her go.

Has nothing to do with the question asked.

Yes it does. If a guy or girl (I've seen both) pretends like they want to marry you for five years then leaves, that's gonna be hard to accept and legit grounds for resentment. Just like someone saying they are going to give you a job offer, so you turn down other job offers, only to have them back out for no new reason. And btw it's truly shitty to do this to a woman or man in their waning fertile years-34-40. I would put it right up there with cheating, frankly. Completely selfish and narcissistic. Hasn't happened to me but has happened to good female and male friends. They were scarred. Moving in together too soon can lead to this bad inertia, I think, even though I was guilty of this too and just got lucky.

Sorry not buying it. If you want to get married and the guy you are with isn’t marrying you then you leave. No one can make you stay for 10 years. Take responsibility for your life.

Yes; I really don't understand women or men who stay with someone who doesn't want something major she/he wants (marriage, children, travel, books, career, whatever). These are the things that are going to lead to the divorce anyway.

Op here my own personal belief is it’s societal pressure to be in a relationship at a certain age so they fear being single and stay.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, well in my experience it's because the guy took 5+ years to figure out she wasn't the one, but also spoke about "eventually getting married" to keep her from leaving. So she lets herself be emotionally vulnerable, doesn't have the opportunity to date other men, and invests time and energy only to discover that he really didn't care about her enough to let her go.

Has nothing to do with the question asked.

Yes it does. If a guy or girl (I've seen both) pretends like they want to marry you for five years then leaves, that's gonna be hard to accept and legit grounds for resentment. Just like someone saying they are going to give you a job offer, so you turn down other job offers, only to have them back out for no new reason. And btw it's truly shitty to do this to a woman or man in their waning fertile years-34-40. I would put it right up there with cheating, frankly. Completely selfish and narcissistic. Hasn't happened to me but has happened to good female and male friends. They were scarred. Moving in together too soon can lead to this bad inertia, I think, even though I was guilty of this too and just got lucky.

Sorry not buying it. If you want to get married and the guy you are with isn’t marrying you then you leave. No one can make you stay for 10 years. Take responsibility for your life.

Yes; I really don't understand women or men who stay with someone who doesn't want something major she/he wants (marriage, children, travel, books, career, whatever). These are the things that are going to lead to the divorce anyway.

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the guy proposes, but the female might be in college - not turning him down entirely, but wanting to wait. Then, when graduation comes, and they have grown - they might still be in love, but realize their relationship isn’t practical, long term.

I have friend who was proposed to three times, but I don’t begrudge her for it - she has a magnetic personality, people like her. Except the occasional really bitchy, sour, bitter woman.

I was proposed to four times by long-term boyfriends (year or more). Only considered one seriously. Not entirely sure why I attract the kind who want to commit. I'm your typical DCUM over-educated self-absorbed feminist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, well in my experience it's because the guy took 5+ years to figure out she wasn't the one, but also spoke about "eventually getting married" to keep her from leaving. So she lets herself be emotionally vulnerable, doesn't have the opportunity to date other men, and invests time and energy only to discover that he really didn't care about her enough to let her go.

Has nothing to do with the question asked.

Yes it does. If a guy or girl (I've seen both) pretends like they want to marry you for five years then leaves, that's gonna be hard to accept and legit grounds for resentment. Just like someone saying they are going to give you a job offer, so you turn down other job offers, only to have them back out for no new reason. And btw it's truly shitty to do this to a woman or man in their waning fertile years-34-40. I would put it right up there with cheating, frankly. Completely selfish and narcissistic. Hasn't happened to me but has happened to good female and male friends. They were scarred. Moving in together too soon can lead to this bad inertia, I think, even though I was guilty of this too and just got lucky.

Sorry not buying it. If you want to get married and the guy you are with isn’t marrying you then you leave. No one can make you stay for 10 years. Take responsibility for your life.

+1

Your age is a surprise to you OP?

Anonymous wrote:Women stand at closed doors for much too long.

+1

Sounds like OPs situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, well in my experience it's because the guy took 5+ years to figure out she wasn't the one, but also spoke about "eventually getting married" to keep her from leaving. So she lets herself be emotionally vulnerable, doesn't have the opportunity to date other men, and invests time and energy only to discover that he really didn't care about her enough to let her go.

Has nothing to do with the question asked.

Yes it does. If a guy or girl (I've seen both) pretends like they want to marry you for five years then leaves, that's gonna be hard to accept and legit grounds for resentment. Just like someone saying they are going to give you a job offer, so you turn down other job offers, only to have them back out for no new reason. And btw it's truly shitty to do this to a woman or man in their waning fertile years-34-40. I would put it right up there with cheating, frankly. Completely selfish and narcissistic. Hasn't happened to me but has happened to good female and male friends. They were scarred. Moving in together too soon can lead to this bad inertia, I think, even though I was guilty of this too and just got lucky.

Sorry not buying it. If you want to get married and the guy you are with isn’t marrying you then you leave. No one can make you stay for 10 years. Take responsibility for your life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, well in my experience it's because the guy took 5+ years to figure out she wasn't the one, but also spoke about "eventually getting married" to keep her from leaving. So she lets herself be emotionally vulnerable, doesn't have the opportunity to date other men, and invests time and energy only to discover that he really didn't care about her enough to let her go.

Has nothing to do with the question asked.

Yes it does. If a guy or girl (I've seen both) pretends like they want to marry you for five years then leaves, that's gonna be hard to accept and legit grounds for resentment. Just like someone saying they are going to give you a job offer, so you turn down other job offers, only to have them back out for no new reason. And btw it's truly shitty to do this to a woman or man in their waning fertile years-34-40. I would put it right up there with cheating, frankly. Completely selfish and narcissistic. Hasn't happened to me but has happened to good female and male friends. They were scarred. Moving in together too soon can lead to this bad inertia, I think, even though I was guilty of this too and just got lucky.

Okay, this is all coming together. Five years invested in your upper 30’s, and no other dates?