Go to a really good hair salon and get a textured cut. If your hair is unruly, you'll have a lot of trouble looking sexy. And grow it longer once you get a good stylist who can give you the right cut.

Wear bright lipstick. Like, hot pink.

Use something like rent the runway to step up your clothing game.

Wishing you luck in finding a date!

Anonymous wrote:Try online dating to practice flirting and date small talk. It sounds like you just need a few dates to figure out your approach.

Definitely need practice with this. My flirting mainly consist of smiling and saying hello. I don’t know what else to do. I could probably ask my sisters, but they would tease me.

Op here. Thanks for all the feedback. I’m born here. My family is very traditional, but are okay with mixed marriages. Both my sisters are with white men. I prefer Desi men, but I’m open to any race. People tell me I’m nice, but a bit shy and awkward. I’m planning to work on it this year. I really can’t do makeup beyond eyes. I’ve been to a dermatologist and everything my skin is just very sensitive.
I can work on my hair. It’s really thick and I’m not good with styling it. It’s worse when it’s , so I keep it shorter and do a simple braid or pin it up. Hair tips will be appreciated.

OP, were you born in the US? If you seem “foreign,” some men may assume that you have conservative/traditional values that would be difficult for them to accommodate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um... what kind of "vibe" do you put out? I've never been hit on by a woman, but I think I have a "I do the hitting on" vibe... I wish I could turn it off...

If she's never been hit on, her vibe is "morbidly obese".

I’m not overweight. I’m very skinny actually with no shape. Anyway It’s not kind to use someone ‘s weight as a joke.

Perhaps go to the makeup counter at the mall for a little makeover? See what they think? I’m not saying you need to cake the makeup on, but maybe some refreshing and an eyebrow pluck (also available at the mall) might be good for you.
Get a personal shopper to help you pick out a wardrobe?

What do you do in your free time? What is your job?

Maybe read what the OP said? All of it? Like every word?

She’s a NURSE!

Try online dating to practice flirting and date small talk. It sounds like you just need a few dates to figure out your approach.

It sounds like you have a great canvas! Guys may simply be perceiving that you aren't interested because you aren't doing the little (albeit superficial) things that the rest of us women do to show that we are available and interested:

Hair: Men are simple creatures and most love long hair. I've always admired my Indian friends' beautiful hair. Grow yours out, and use a straightener if necessary at times.

Make-up: If you have good skin, skip the foundation, but use blush and some tinted lip gloss. You shouldn't break out if you properly wash it off at night and wash your make-up brushes very often.

Clothes: You're lucky in that you're thin. Some guys are into boobs or butts, but almost all are into thin. Wear some cute fitted clothes that show off your shape. Ask a female friend for advice, or go to a store that you like, and tell a sales associate that you are looking to assemble a new, flattering wardrobe. They should be able to steer you in the right direction.

I could see this happening with a very plain asexual look honestly. You probably give off a kind of androgynous asexual vibe. You may need to be more blunt in expressing romantic interest to people

Anonymous wrote:Op, here is the hit on short list I keep:
Dos
_shoulder back, smile.
_wear, pink, purple or baby blue

_wear colorful floral prints
_light make up goes a long way
_neon yellowish scarf from landsend

Pastels don’t look great on most south Asians, especially the light to medium brown skin tones. For those I like jewel tones and our wedding color of maroon or burgundy! Olive is another one that looks great on us. I stay away from yellow because it brings out yucky undertones. The rest is good advice!

I’m the south Asian pp from above, I’ll add that I had a similar story but I was overweight. I lost 50lbs, fixed my skin and started wearing nicer clothes which were flattering. I made myself over around 27 because I knew I wouldn’t find a partner otherwise. Like you, I am quite plain not some great Bollywood beauty but with the right hair, clothes and a little makeup I can clean up alright. Enough so that I was able to find a wonderful partner (educated, tallish for me and handsome). I will say this though, America desi men seem to be very picky and i didn’t have much luck there - American men specifically white and black men seemed much more interested. Chin up OP, you’ll find someone!

Op, here is the hit on short list I keep:
Dos
_shoulder back, smile.
_wear, pink, purple or baby blue

_wear colorful floral prints
_light make up goes a long way
_neon yellowish scarf from landsend

Do you live in a diverse area OP? Sometimes the reason as simple as being a minority in an area where interracial dating isn’t as prevalent. Parts of California, DC, NY are pretty diverse and you would be surprise how much more you can date if you change your cultural exposure. If you can’t move, try traveling to national multi-cultural events from time to time. You’re 30 and still young. Live it up!

- fellow woman of color

Woman here and I think being Indian might have something to do with it. It’s hard enough to get dates and some might - rightly or wrongly - think that you follow more traditional rituals when it comes to dating. As you know, arranged marriages or ‘casual but purposeful’ family introductions are still much the norm coupled with perceived religious differences can make some simply not attempt. It’s not racial as much as uninformed. Are you open to all? Does it matter if your partner is Indian? If not, than being more proactive in the meet and greet - online dating, being set up by friends, etc. can be helpful. Meet up groups with activities or interests specific to singles is another avenue.

As for your looks - you don’t sound hideous and you’re thin. So really you sound plain - maybe boring. Lip gloss, eyeliner and some mascara shouldn’t cause your skin too much havoc and in areas that you can jazz it up - clothes, glasses style, even jewelry can really frame your personality in a way to make you appealing and interesting - not sexy but maybe, say - spunky, interesting, fun, pretty or whatever. You can decide honestly if glasses or contacts are better for physical features and go with that. Best accessory always being a sincere smile with clean teeth.

Lastly if your approach if confusing guys, change your approach. Be more clear in intent - practice with yourself and learn better flirting techniques. Work on your marketing of yourself as a date option.

Good luck!

OP, these are my suggestions as a fellow desi:

1) line your water line, this looks great on south Asian women and tends to open up our faces. The most put together desi women I know all do this and no other makeup is needed because we tend to have full brows and lashes so play those up!

2) is your hair thick? If so, grow it out a little past your shoulders. Thick, short hair tends to be puffy but grown out a little you can use the weight to make it fall flatter. If curly, use the right products.

3) retina a if you have acne

4) trainer and gym. I’m familiar with the super skinny desi body type, you may want to try gaining a little muscle. It will help the way you look in clothes and your confidence

Anonymous wrote:I’m not posting my pictures, but I’m Indian. Brown skin. Brown Eyes. I wear my Hair shortish it’s just above my shoulder blades when down. I’m very plain. Don’t wear makeup as it breaks me out badly , but I keep my eyebrows shaped and my lips are moist. I keep my nails done and polished. I also wear eye glasses.
I have average style in colder months I wear jeans, boots, and fitted sweaters. In warmer weather I wear sundresses and sandals. For work I am a nurse and wear scrubs.

I was plain like that (never dressed up!) and was hit on left and right. How are your teeth? Do they stick out at all?