Your MIL already raised her kids. You need to raise your own. Find a daycare.

I would be upset with your dd. Try another daycare

Time to try daycare again. Full time children generally take 2 weeks to settle in. Part timers up to a month.

I feel she is showing you that she cares A LOT by being honest with you and letting you know she will not be able to take on the responsibility versus keeping your child and giving her inadequate care.

I feel you and your husband should have planned better. The good thing is you can plan better for the future. Most children eventually stop crying in daycare. How long was she in there before you all pulled her out?

OP, you have to be responsible for this, not MIL.

Give MIL permission to pick your child up whenever she wants, to encourage her to spend time with baby when she wants to and can.

Anonymous wrote:She told you no just one day later and you are “scrambling” for child care? It’s not like she told you yes months ago and then at the last minute, just when you were to return to work, changed her mind. So if you are now scrambling for childcare, that’s entirely your own fault.

Regardless, you have zero right to be mad. Less than zero. Your mom went above and beyond but that was her choice, and honestly most people aren’t in a position to do that. You are coming across as extraordinarily entitled, to the extent that I suspect you are a troll who crafted this post in an attempt to reflect that and generate a lot of responses.

I swear, I think Jeff has a stockpile of these previously drafted posts that he rolls out when DCUM traffic gets slow. It's impossible to believe that someone could be so entitled as OP.

Your daughter may benefit from the consistency of being in the same place five days a week instead of being shuttled between grandma some days and daycare on others. It will be an adjustment for her but she will bond with her caregivers more quickly and learn the routine better if she doesn’t have such long breaks in between daycare days.

She told you no just one day later and you are “scrambling” for child care? It’s not like she told you yes months ago and then at the last minute, just when you were to return to work, changed her mind. So if you are now scrambling for childcare, that’s entirely your own fault.

Regardless, you have zero right to be mad. Less than zero. Your mom went above and beyond but that was her choice, and honestly most people aren’t in a position to do that. You are coming across as extraordinarily entitled, to the extent that I suspect you are a troll who crafted this post in an attempt to reflect that and generate a lot of responses.

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL changed her mind ONE DAY LATER and now you are scrambling to find daycare? You should have started the scramble 7 months ago.

This. Rare unanimity on DCUM.

Your MIL changed her mind ONE DAY LATER and now you are scrambling to find daycare? You should have started the scramble 7 months ago.

You don't have the right to be upset. Equating taking care of your child for three days a week as a senior citizen to loving a grandchild is completely unfair.

Tell us more about the separation anxiety. Did she stop crying eventually after a week, once you left the place? After an initial adjustment period, kids may be sad about the goodbye and then usually get into the swing of what’s happening at the daycare. A lot can depend on your attitude and how you frame it. If you act like going to daycare is a funeral, your kid will pick up on it. Your child will cry at the goodbyes. You have to make them short and loving but matter-of-fact.

It’s a big ask to request MIL to watch your busy, bustling toddler three days a week. And I wonder if she didn’t come over more often because your mom was on the scene; maybe she was uncomfortable? (I’m not saying that’s right or wrong.). Your mom went WAY above and beyond. You can’t expect the same from MIL.

Your kid, your responsibility. You seem rather clueless. You shouldn't have another kid.

I love my DD and granddaughter but no way would I agree to 3x a week childcare - especially as you say this woman is still working. Besides being entitled you also don’t recognize that a newborn is totally different than a toddler too: even a fit & younger MIL (whether she’s worked all her life or stayed at home) isn’t going to sign up for this. Especially who would want to agree to watch their grandchild when their DILs esteem and affection are contingent on your servitude.

Your mother gave you an outsized giftbof time but you are so wrong to assume same from MIL and then discount her affection (twice monthly is a lot when she’s working!)

You have no right to be upset. No adult owes you free childcare.

You need to find an in home daycare with just a few kids. A loving provider in a home with a few other kids will be just the same as a MIL your child barely knows.