You assumed she couldn't do it alone (because you guys can't) and changed the plans on her without her agreement. I don't blame her for quitting. Call her and beg her to come and cancel your mother. If that doesn't work, cancel your trip. Who can't take care of their own kids alone?

I’m the OP.

I definitely didn’t mean to offend or upset my nanny. I trust her abilities and she’s been alone with all three many times and does well. I just had last minute jitters and feel more comfortable leaving my kids with two sets of hands instead of one. I sincerely thought nanny would be grateful for the help. Her pay stays the same but less work.

My kids are young. 7mo, 2.5 and 6. They’re a handful and I kept imagining scenerios where nanny would need help and quick. I agree, I should have consulted her first. That being said, I think in any job you have to be fairly flexible and know things aren’t always going to go your way. I guess I’m just disappointed in our nannies reaction. Very unexpected.

Also my mother is able bodied and sound of mind. She just gets overwhelmed with all three. My mother being present definitely doesn’t add to any duties the nanny has, just relieved her of many.

Ha, ha, ho. You brewed this mess, you pay for it. Why would you have your mom come? No nanny wants grandma there. Of course she didn't like it. Why would you undermine a nanny you presumably trusted so far?

Cancel the mom's ticket and beg your nanny to do the weekend. You basically told her she can't handle her job, and no one wants to spend a weekend with someone else's mom!!!

Give her a giant holiday bonus.

Anonymous wrote:Since nanny was #1 you should have asked her before inviting your mom.

Your mom can 100% cancel her flight.

This. I wouldn’t want to do it either if I were nanny. How weird and awkward.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apologize to nanny and tell her you cannot cancel the trip, but you can cancel your mother. Ask if this is acceptable and emphasize no hard feelings as it was your mistake.

Tell your mother your nanny is threatening to quit and you can’t afford to lose the care. Emphasize this was your mistake and rebook her for another special weekend.

Where did OP say she was threatening to quit? You people are something else. She was trying to be helpful - presumably her kids are in school most of the day when the nanny's on duty and this is 3 full days and nights. WTF?

NP. All I can say is that if DH invited his mother here to help me take care of the kids while he traveled without discussing it with me first there would be hell to pay.

Also, the fact that OP didn't discuss it with the nanny first is very telling.

Hold up.

There is a massive difference between not consulting your wife and not consulting your nanny. Your spouse is an equal. You make decisions together. Your nanny is an employee hired to do a job. You don’t consult them in regards to your children, family and Home. They are hired to do a job, and if they aren’t willing to do it. Find someone else.

There is a difference, agreed, but in this case that's the problem. OP hired the nanny to do a job, and then changed the job without consulting the nanny. So the nanny, not unreasonably, declined to take the new job. That's how that goes. OP can either go back to the terms of the original job, or can find someone new to do the job she now wants done.

Has your nanny had interactions with your mom before? I say this kindly, but your mom may micro-manage her and that's why she backed out. I would too.

The way to fix this is to cancel your mother's trip (eat the cost) and have the nanny stay as planned. Or ask your mother to take on the kids solo for the weekend, but it sounds like that's not a viable option. And next time, ask the nanny first before coming up with a plan like this. I'd be irritated in her shoes too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apologize to nanny and tell her you cannot cancel the trip, but you can cancel your mother. Ask if this is acceptable and emphasize no hard feelings as it was your mistake.

Tell your mother your nanny is threatening to quit and you can’t afford to lose the care. Emphasize this was your mistake and rebook her for another special weekend.

Where did OP say she was threatening to quit? You people are something else. She was trying to be helpful - presumably her kids are in school most of the day when the nanny's on duty and this is 3 full days and nights. WTF?

NP. All I can say is that if DH invited his mother here to help me take care of the kids while he traveled without discussing it with me first there would be hell to pay.

Also, the fact that OP didn't discuss it with the nanny first is very telling.

Hold up.

There is a massive difference between not consulting your wife and not consulting your nanny. Your spouse is an equal. You make decisions together. Your nanny is an employee hired to do a job. You don’t consult them in regards to your children, family and Home. They are hired to do a job, and if they aren’t willing to do it. Find someone else.

Not true at all. Sorry but nanny is even more sensitive because they can quit at any time. If you don't consider her feelings you might be without a nanny. And nannies are SO important. Just wait until your kids hate the new nanny and cry all day because their favorite nanny quit.

OP, your title is highly misleading and indicative of the lack of respect you have for the professional you expect to leave your chidren with for multiple days. Work on this overall outlook you have, or you will continue to have nannys "backing out" on you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apologize to nanny and tell her you cannot cancel the trip, but you can cancel your mother. Ask if this is acceptable and emphasize no hard feelings as it was your mistake.

Tell your mother your nanny is threatening to quit and you can’t afford to lose the care. Emphasize this was your mistake and rebook her for another special weekend.

Where did OP say she was threatening to quit? You people are something else. She was trying to be helpful - presumably her kids are in school most of the day when the nanny's on duty and this is 3 full days and nights. WTF?

NP. All I can say is that if DH invited his mother here to help me take care of the kids while he traveled without discussing it with me first there would be hell to pay.

Also, the fact that OP didn't discuss it with the nanny first is very telling.

Hold up.

There is a massive difference between not consulting your wife and not consulting your nanny. Your spouse is an equal. You make decisions together. Your nanny is an employee hired to do a job. You don’t consult them in regards to your children, family and Home. They are hired to do a job, and if they aren’t willing to do it. Find someone else.

OP: Pretty universal agreement here; you messed up. I watch my 3 kids (the oldest is 4) all the time without my DH (works shifts) and he watches them occasionally without me for 4-5 days at a time (my work travel). 1 kid in school some of the time. The fact you can’t manage that doesn’t meant you should assume no one else can — least of all a nanny who had agreed to, who presumably watches them regularly/knows them well and whose profession this is. Asking her if she’d like you to fly in reinforcements? Sure. Doing it without asking her? Especially your physically limited mother? Hell no. Cancel your mom. Even if she just loses the ticket cost, you’re better off. (Obviously apologize profusely to your nanny and ask her if she’ll do it if no mom first.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apologize to nanny and tell her you cannot cancel the trip, but you can cancel your mother. Ask if this is acceptable and emphasize no hard feelings as it was your mistake.

Tell your mother your nanny is threatening to quit and you can’t afford to lose the care. Emphasize this was your mistake and rebook her for another special weekend.

Where did OP say she was threatening to quit? You people are something else. She was trying to be helpful - presumably her kids are in school most of the day when the nanny's on duty and this is 3 full days and nights. WTF?

Duh. The point is how to contain damage with minimal additional offense. I don’t know about you, but a good nanny is crucial. Unless you want to start looking for a new one being proactive about retention is good. And if issue is how to tell mom, then this is a reasonable way to frame it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apologize to nanny and tell her you cannot cancel the trip, but you can cancel your mother. Ask if this is acceptable and emphasize no hard feelings as it was your mistake.

Tell your mother your nanny is threatening to quit and you can’t afford to lose the care. Emphasize this was your mistake and rebook her for another special weekend.

Where did OP say she was threatening to quit? You people are something else. She was trying to be helpful - presumably her kids are in school most of the day when the nanny's on duty and this is 3 full days and nights. WTF?

You are presuming as well. Three kids under 7. I doh t all three are in school. The nanny agreed to take care of all three children for the weekend. She probably would not agree if she didn’t feel up for it. She didn’t agree to care for all three children while Gransma is in the House.

My kids are extremely challenging when my MIl is in town and I don’t think that abnormal. Grandparents tend to allow whatever and challenge parental choices. I’m sure nanny has had experiences with this Grandma and thought it wasn’t worth it.
She’s probably also pretty pissed off hwr employer made these decisions without consulting her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apologize to nanny and tell her you cannot cancel the trip, but you can cancel your mother. Ask if this is acceptable and emphasize no hard feelings as it was your mistake.

Tell your mother your nanny is threatening to quit and you can’t afford to lose the care. Emphasize this was your mistake and rebook her for another special weekend.

Where did OP say she was threatening to quit? You people are something else. She was trying to be helpful - presumably her kids are in school most of the day when the nanny's on duty and this is 3 full days and nights. WTF?

NP. All I can say is that if DH invited his mother here to help me take care of the kids while he traveled without discussing it with me first there would be hell to pay.

Also, the fact that OP didn't discuss it with the nanny first is very telling.