I feel like a 1 as described is too neutral? Like, strangers don't necessarily make me actively uncomfortable like my ILs do...

I'm somewhere between a +2 and a -10 depending on how much my FIL has been drinking.

Anonymous wrote:I would say it's gone from being about a 3 to about a 9. And that it dips down to a 7 when they do things that make me uncomfortable, like buy us bedding or lick their finger to fix DH's hair. If MIL had her way, DH would sit in her lap at all times.

They are VERY sweet. I just come from a VERY WASPy family where nobody touches or relaxes and is funny. Everything is very surface and polite. So to be around them who make jokes and squeeze your shoulder as they walk by you and buy you a new vegetable scrubber because they saw yours was getting old, is all foreign to me. Less foreign now that I've known them quite a while, but still.

Ha, I have the same dynamic. My own family is formal, and my in laws are Indian and everyone is so close and kind and warm. It was odd at first, but now I dig it and consider my own family bizarre. Oh well.

We've gone from a 1 to a 7.5 over the last 20+ years. The kids have helped tremendously. As has personality changes after dealing with more serious illness, etc.

I'd say I go between a 3 and a 7.

Times when we were a 3 include the first holiday season after we we're married and obnoxious post-birth behavior while visiting the baby in the hospital.

But now we've kind of settled into a routine. Most visits are positive so we have more 7 times now. There are still a lot of irritating/selfish habits that come out. But they are really loving grandparents, and would really do anything for my kids, so it's hard for me to not find that endearing. I will never be able to feel completely relaxed around them, so I'm always a little guarded, but it's not totally horrendous. But we are always ripe for some drama to rear it's head and someone to freak out so I don't get too comfortable.

I'd say a 7 or 8. Over the years I've just learned to go about my business when they are here. They are nice people and treat me like their own child. I'm very lucky. I still worry about leaving the house if they are sleeping or something. I don't want them to go hungry.

5. They are tolerable. That is all.

1.

I'm probably about an 8, but it's taken twenty years to get here. My MIL and I have had some battles over the years, but we're in a good place now. She's a bit of a nut, but she's a good person and a phenomenal grandmother to our son. My FIL is also a character, but he means well. He was a falling down drunk for years, but he's been sober for just over a year. All around things are better with them, and I'm so relieved.

I say a 9. I fight with my MIL just like I do my mom...but there is always love.

I'd say an 8 out of 10. I'm not intimidated by my ILs or anything. They're nice most of the time, but I wouldn't give them a 10 because my MIL in particular can be a massive PITA sometimes. She's super needy and is in constant victim mode.

Case in point -- she's been b*tching to DH since September that she hasn't seen DD, when we've always told her she's always welcome here. She just drags her feet booking tickets and then complains she doesn't see DD enough.

I'd say a 7, which is a huge improvement for me.

I started at about a 6 when we first married, then plummeted to about a 2 after my first baby was born. Some complicated health issues led to both high anxiety on my part, but on their part, they went into rabid grandparent/boundary stomping mode. It wasn't good.

Slowly but surely, we took baby steps toward working through a few issues and rebuilding trust. They began to see that if they just backed off a bit and didn't get all up in my business, that I would open up more. I began to see that when I gave a little bit and had some flexibility, the resulting good will was worth it.

It's been tough, and DCUM has sort of helped in some ways.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the minority here but I like my in-laws better than my own family and after 18 years, I consider them my family. They are wonderful people and have treated me like one of their kids from very early on.

I could have written this! I love my in-laws and my kids have a great relationship with them. I do think it matters. Another DIL does not have a good relationship with our in-laws and her children are not as close to the grandparents as mine are.

second pp again... I started dating my husband when we were in college and so "joined" the family when I was still young enough to be "mothered" by my now MIL. I always have always felt like this made it easier for me to be part of the family.

I feel the opposite. We started dating in college and MIL still "mothers" me 15 years later which makes it hard. She doesn't seem to respect us as grown ups and still feels like we're young.

I would say it's gone from being about a 3 to about a 9. And that it dips down to a 7 when they do things that make me uncomfortable, like buy us bedding or lick their finger to fix DH's hair. If MIL had her way, DH would sit in her lap at all times.

They are VERY sweet. I just come from a VERY WASPy family where nobody touches or relaxes and is funny. Everything is very surface and polite. So to be around them who make jokes and squeeze your shoulder as they walk by you and buy you a new vegetable scrubber because they saw yours was getting old, is all foreign to me. Less foreign now that I've known them quite a while, but still.

Probably 5. I like them, and they’re lovely people, but not warm people, which mKes me kind of uncomfortable.

They are really close with DH and love DD, and that’s enough for me.

I feel perfectly comfortable with them because I see them for about one hour a year.