Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we're in the same boat. First child was totally healthy, second child has an assortment of medical issues (severely disabling ones) and I'm trying to get over the desire for a third. We can't handle a third emotionally or financially, but I still want one. Thank god my husband has said no.

We'd definitely be pushing our luck if we went for a third. A second disabled child would cripple our family. So two it is. Only you can make the decision about what is best for your family.

For someone who identifies as having a child with disabilities you certainly use offensive and ableist language. You might want to work on that. Sending your second child love and empathy.

Oh STFU

-DP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

What? I have three kids and I shower daily, thank you. My life is not chaos, nor am I suffering in stress.

Anyway, OP. Bottom line is to have a kid if you want. Or not. But do it because you want one, not because everyone else is. But I'm sure you knew that. I think you were just looking for reassurance that two-kid families are out there? And although we're not one, I know tons! You're not alone.

You might not be stressed, but you apparently suffer from reading comprehension fail.

At some point during the past few years, this became a thing with privileged white women in this area.

Anonymous wrote:I know more families with three kids than two and almost none with only one. Based on my personal experience, I find it hard to believe that Americans are having less kids. When I was a kid two kids was the norm, but now that seems like a small family.

Maybe look at the actual data instead of examining your bubble.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.

Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.

If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.

What? I have three kids and I shower daily, thank you. My life is not chaos, nor am I suffering in stress.

Anyway, OP. Bottom line is to have a kid if you want. Or not. But do it because you want one, not because everyone else is. But I'm sure you knew that. I think you were just looking for reassurance that two-kid families are out there? And although we're not one, I know tons! You're not alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know more families with three kids than two and almost none with only one. Based on my personal experience, I find it hard to believe that Americans are having less kids. When I was a kid two kids was the norm, but now that seems like a small family.

Not my experience at all. My friends in the midwest have lots of kids. My friend in DC/Arlington all have 1-2 kids. Very very few with 3 kids.

Half of my 4 year old's preschool class are only children. Granted, it may not stay that way for some of them, but I looked around at the class party and 7 of the 13 families are only kids.

You're right. UMC and upper class people are definitely having fewer kids, which is ironic considering they are the people with more resources to take care of more kids. It's long been that way, of course.

Not in my experience. The rich and the poor have more kids. The rich because they can afford it and the poor because they couldn't afford it in the first place, so might as well have 4!.

Ok, so newsflash: Your experience doesn't equal actual reality across the country. Richer people are having fewer kids, your anecdotal experience notwithstanding.

My boys were almost 5 and 7 when our daughter was born. I wanted to go for the girl. I was 38 when she was born.

Most of our friends have 2 kids.

It's so strange how people compare themselves to others and question their life choices.

I suppose I'm lucky not to be burdened with that failing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're thinking about having a third kid because.... People around you have three kids? That's f*ing nuts.

No no no. Not trying to keep up, etc. Just hate to feel like I missed out on growing our family bc of some short term drama/issues we were having.

^^Well, the title of your post says something way different and your post reads similarly.

If you didn't have your friends and were living in an isolated rural house would you still feel like you missed out on #3 or do you feel like you missed the boat simply b/c all your friends (seem) happy, fulfilled, and perfect as a family of 5 and youre a tad bit jealous and resentful given your marital drama?

Anonymous wrote:OP, we're in the same boat. First child was totally healthy, second child has an assortment of medical issues (severely disabling ones) and I'm trying to get over the desire for a third. We can't handle a third emotionally or financially, but I still want one. Thank god my husband has said no.

We'd definitely be pushing our luck if we went for a third. A second disabled child would cripple our family. So two it is. Only you can make the decision about what is best for your family.

For someone who identifies as having a child with disabilities you certainly use offensive and ableist language. You might want to work on that. Sending your second child love and empathy.

If you've had marital issues, OP, my advice is to not have the third. It's fine to mourn the loss of this chapter of life; everyone has to, at some point. But don't push it. Three is amazing, wonderful, I love it; it's also tough and there's no way I would do it if we weren't rock-solid. Even then, it's not easy.

OP, we're in the same boat. First child was totally healthy, second child has an assortment of medical issues (severely disabling ones) and I'm trying to get over the desire for a third. We can't handle a third emotionally or financially, but I still want one. Thank god my husband has said no.

We'd definitely be pushing our luck if we went for a third. A second disabled child would cripple our family. So two it is. Only you can make the decision about what is best for your family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know more families with three kids than two and almost none with only one. Based on my personal experience, I find it hard to believe that Americans are having less kids. When I was a kid two kids was the norm, but now that seems like a small family.

Not my experience at all. My friends in the midwest have lots of kids. My friend in DC/Arlington all have 1-2 kids. Very very few with 3 kids.

Half of my 4 year old's preschool class are only children. Granted, it may not stay that way for some of them, but I looked around at the class party and 7 of the 13 families are only kids.

You're right. UMC and upper class people are definitely having fewer kids, which is ironic considering they are the people with more resources to take care of more kids. It's long been that way, of course.

Not in my experience. The rich and the poor have more kids. The rich because they can afford it and the poor because they couldn't afford it in the first place, so might as well have 4!.

OP, I'm happy that the dust has settled for you. Now that you have more time, you can invest that in anything you want! How liberating! Some non-baby options are career changes, charitable work, and hobbies. I have a list of things that I'd love to do when my two are older and the dust has settled for me. A third child is not currently on my list.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're thinking about having a third kid because.... People around you have three kids? That's f*ing nuts.

No no no. Not trying to keep up, etc. Just hate to feel like I missed out on growing our family bc of some short term drama/issues we were having.

I had a third and have no regrets. I do think that having two has it's advantages. With three, it's harder to give all three as much attention as I would like. Our finances are good, but paying for three college tuitions if they all go out of state will be a hit. We can afford it, but we won't have as much to help them financially to start their adult lives. I have zero regrets having three because I know and love all three. You aren't there yet, so weigh your financial situation and the amount of stress it might place on your marriage again. As you get out of the stage where your kids aren't as young, you'll realize that most people really don't have three kids. When your kids are young your social circles are smaller. As your kids expand their friend circles, you'll see most have two. Also, seriously considered the complications from a third c-section. I'm not sure what they are, but I'd avoid anything that means I'm voluntarily taking what is objectively a significant risk of not being around for my other kids. Having said that, you really want three and your DH is fully on board, if you aren't too old, and it's not too late.