Anonymous
12/12/2018 16:43
Subject: HS DS frosh navigating social scene
Anonymous wrote:+1
You sound like a caring mom but in all honesty the way you presented the issue it does sound like you want him to be "in" with the popular group and proud your DD is in with the popular group.
You could have said that your child feels like he doesn't fit in with any group. His old friends are academically stronger so they do not have the same schedule. They are also more into gaming which he is not. His new friends don't seem to accept him totally either and he's depressed.
Who cares if the new group is made up of the popular kids or not?
Yes, I probably could have framed differently - have just been trying to imagine it from his perspective.
Anonymous
12/12/2018 16:41
Subject: HS DS frosh navigating social scene
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Please don't use the word frosh. Ever again.
You're the problem.
He is not his sister's problem, let her be!
Why? I prefer to use non-sexist language. What is wrong with that?
Not PP, but it's a slang term that makes you sound like a parent that really wants to re-live high school through your children.
Interesting. While chairperson works, freshperson doesn't, so I've always used frosh. Don't get how that seems like I am trying to relive HS through DCs.
It's just a very outdated term, only people who are trying really hard use it.
how do you get that I am trying hard? I am very clear on why and how I use that word. No one has ever even rolled an eye when I've said it.
Anonymous
12/12/2018 16:40
Subject: HS DS frosh navigating social scene
Anonymous wrote:Frosh is one of the words used, in Italian, to describe a homosexual male.
interesting, though this is English.
Anonymous
12/12/2018 16:39
Subject: HS DS frosh navigating social scene
Anonymous wrote:Is there a lot of discussion of being popular and who the popular kids, and what they are doing? I would stop this immediately and tell your daughter to tone it down. I imagine his old friends are distant if he ditched them last year for the popular kids. I'd encourage him to ask someone new to do something. Otherwise I'd stay out of it for a while.
TY for responding. His old friends are not distant - he is still invited to their BD parties, etc. They just don't go out on their own that much and he wants to do that now. His old friends also study together as they are same maths/science classes. FWIW, DD doesn't usually go on and on about what she is doing - just happened to be with friend in car this AM and they were trying to figure out a study schedule based on weekend plans.
Anonymous
12/12/2018 15:50
Subject: HS DS frosh navigating social scene
Anonymous wrote:DS in 9th at a K-12 school, which he entered in 6th when we relocated to area. He is fairly quiet and it took him awhile to make friends, but he was ultimately successful and had a couple of friendship groups, including a co-ed one. He was both happy and content - and his friends and the parents of friends really enjoyed his kindness and humor.
In 8th grade, alas, he tried to expand friendship groups and move into more "popular" set. That didn't really gel and he ended the year back with his original friendship groups. Now in 9th - same school, but new building on different part of campus. He is again trying to move into the more popular group. He has had some successes, but last weekend was pretty much the nadir as he had no plans on either night and he was clearly sad about being home. Might not be so painful, but his soph sister is in the center of the popular set and is friendly with some of the kids in her brother's grade. Just this morning she listed off her weekend activities while trying to figure out her study schedule with a friend. We have talked to her about looking out for him and she was very open to do so, but not necessarily clear in how she could do it.
DH and I have talked with him about the importance of maintaining old friends while trying to make new ones. He says he understands, yet we know that he is only hanging out with his old friends when there is a BD party, etc. My brother was/is a homebody, but he was content to sit at home and read or watch TV when he was in high school. While DS does like alone time, he clearly wants to connect with others over the weekend. He has also started to talk about what our lives might be like if we had not moved, something he has not done since he was in 6th grade.
I'm probably on the quiet end of spectrum too, so am stymied on how to be of support. DH and i know we can't "fix this" phase, but would love to hear from parents who've BTDT and what, if any, suggestions they have for us. TIA.
This sounds like your DS hasn't quite figured out his own identity- geeky/smart gamer kids, popular/social kids, etc. I'm not really judging because I think what your DS is experiencing is common- bright, regular kids who want to be social and "popular" but perhaps aren't standing out right now? I was "that" kid and it took me until my jr./sr. year to figure out that I was, on the inside, a bit of an independent thinker. I chose a a unique group of bright outsiders as friends and several of us are still close to this day.
I would encourage your DS to develop his own interests and reflect on who he is- when he does that, I think he will attract friends that he can connect with. I *do* think he needs to let go of pursuing the popular friends- it's not going to work and he will end up looking like a clinger and someone who ditches a nice group for the in crowd. No one respects that and teens see through it.
Anonymous
12/12/2018 15:40
Subject: HS DS frosh navigating social scene
Is there a lot of discussion of being popular and who the popular kids, and what they are doing? I would stop this immediately and tell your daughter to tone it down. I imagine his old friends are distant if he ditched them last year for the popular kids. I'd encourage him to ask someone new to do something. Otherwise I'd stay out of it for a while.
Anonymous
12/12/2018 15:26
Subject: HS DS frosh navigating social scene
I've never heard of this, had to google it. It sounds pretentious. Just my opinion.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Please don't use the word frosh. Ever again.
You're the problem.
He is not his sister's problem, let her be!
Why? I prefer to use non-sexist language. What is wrong with that?
Not PP, but it's a slang term that makes you sound like a parent that really wants to re-live high school through your children.
Interesting. While chairperson works, freshperson doesn't, so I've always used frosh. Don't get how that seems like I am trying to relive HS through DCs.
It's just a very outdated term, only people who are trying really hard use it.
Anonymous
12/12/2018 15:24
Subject: HS DS frosh navigating social scene
Frosh is one of the words used, in Italian, to describe a homosexual male.
Anonymous
12/12/2018 15:24
Subject: HS DS frosh navigating social scene
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Please don't use the word frosh. Ever again.
You're the problem.
He is not his sister's problem, let her be!
Why? I prefer to use non-sexist language. What is wrong with that?
Not PP, but it's a slang term that makes you sound like a parent that really wants to re-live high school through your children.
Interesting. While chairperson works, freshperson doesn't, so I've always used frosh. Don't get how that seems like I am trying to relive HS through DCs.
It's just a very outdated term, only people who are trying really hard use it.
Anonymous
12/12/2018 15:23
Subject: HS DS frosh navigating social scene
+1
You sound like a caring mom but in all honesty the way you presented the issue it does sound like you want him to be "in" with the popular group and proud your DD is in with the popular group.
You could have said that your child feels like he doesn't fit in with any group. His old friends are academically stronger so they do not have the same schedule. They are also more into gaming which he is not. His new friends don't seem to accept him totally either and he's depressed.
Who cares if the new group is made up of the popular kids or not?
You sound like a caring mom but in all honesty the way you presented the issue it does sound like you want him to be "in" with the popular group and proud your DD is in with the popular group.
You could have said that your child feels like he doesn't fit in with any group. His old friends are academically stronger so they do not have the same schedule. They are also more into gaming which he is not. His new friends don't seem to accept him totally either and he's depressed.
Who cares if the new group is made up of the popular kids or not?
Anonymous
12/12/2018 15:11
Subject: HS DS frosh navigating social scene
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Please don't use the word frosh. Ever again.
You're the problem.
He is not his sister's problem, let her be!
Why? I prefer to use non-sexist language. What is wrong with that?
Not PP, but it's a slang term that makes you sound like a parent that really wants to re-live high school through your children.
Interesting. While chairperson works, freshperson doesn't, so I've always used frosh. Don't get how that seems like I am trying to relive HS through DCs.
Anonymous
12/12/2018 15:08
Subject: HS DS frosh navigating social scene
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Please don't use the word frosh. Ever again.
You're the problem.
He is not his sister's problem, let her be!
Why? I prefer to use non-sexist language. What is wrong with that?
Not PP, but it's a slang term that makes you sound like a parent that really wants to re-live high school through your children.
Anonymous
12/12/2018 14:46
Subject: HS DS frosh navigating social scene
Anonymous wrote:Please don't use the word frosh. Ever again.
You're the problem.
He is not his sister's problem, let her be!
Are you the "alas" judger?
Anonymous
12/12/2018 14:45
Subject: HS DS frosh navigating social scene
Anonymous wrote:What's your son into, OP? I'd encourage him to sign up for a group or activity that interests him. Either through school, library, rec center or along those lines. I think that's a more natural way to make friends as opposed to trying to insert yourself into an already established group.
Yes, good reminder. We have discussed with him, including that he may want to consider a spring sport. Fall was okay as he was busy with his travel sport and also played on school team. He does not have a winter activity, except for travel practice and none of his classmates play for that club.
Anonymous
12/12/2018 14:43
Subject: HS DS frosh navigating social scene
Anonymous wrote:Please don't use the word frosh. Ever again.
You're the problem.
He is not his sister's problem, let her be!
Why? I prefer to use non-sexist language. What is wrong with that?