I am still trying to get over the poster who said they "forgot to go to school one semester. It happens. '

?????

Tell me more because I had no idea that happens.

I think it is time to demand a serious discussion about the why of that GPA.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We gave dc one semester to right the ship or transfer to instate and commute. Dc spent the last three years of college commuting from childhood home in state. We save money, they learned we meant it when we said it and a degree was achieved in four years.

And I'll bet said DC is now supporting himself or herself.

In fact they are gainfully employee, pursuing a masters and purchasing their first home. No bs parenting does work.

And letting kid navigate himself with just loving and financial support & no pressure or ultimatums can also work. DS was on academic probation first year, realized engineering wasn’t his thing, switched majors, graduated on time with a job, getting masters at night paid for by employer, bought a condo in DC. He turned out all right.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO: Punish? No, that ship has sailed. Your baby is all grown up and is now facing real world consequences. You absolutely can have a discussion about that and offer to help your child strategize and plan for the coming struggle.

Now is the time for advice, not punishment.

+1

Natural consequences happen. That is not punishment. But you don't have to add more to the mix negatively -- and you shouldn't bear the weight of the burden for them, although you can offer advice, so long as it is up to them whether to take it.

One natural consequence might be that you don't continue paying tuition, unless XYZ. That's not punishment.

But there really aren't any consequences for rich full-pay families or full financial aid kids. As long as the tuition & board gravy train is paid for, anyone can plow through a bachelors with crummy marks.

Merit-based financial aid is often based on maintaining a certain GPA and number of hours.

Non-merit based financial aid often needs to be paid back, and you'd better have the grades to get the job or graduate school entrance to get you tot he point where you can pay it off.

As for full pay families, as above: "One natural consequence might be that you don't continue paying tuition, unless XYZ."

Many financial aid kids get full boat packages or packages with only very modest loans. You think kids care about $3k-5k in loans per year? They're having a blast, the time of their life, a small $5k loan annually is the least of their concerns.

What's the approximate percentage of college students getting financial aid that you are claiming gets this deal?

Not sure % but common at big endowment T20s and flagship universities. In the 90s I was an RA and girls in my dorm bragged about getting paid to go to college. They meant everything was free and they got big financial aid refunds before the semester. Half of them still flunked out. As a parent, I'm not sure how you can have leverage over your kid to hit benchmarks if you're not paying anything. Or if you're so rich the tuition is couch cushion money, you're not likely to yank your kid out for mediocre performance, so again, little leverage.

I mean, are you saying "many" and "common" means about half? 10%? 90%?

If you can't gesture toward a general range, why are you being so emphatic about this point?

Anonymous wrote:

Anyone can plow through a bachelors with a 2.0 gpa if everything is free.

.

I know people who failed out of college even with their UMC/rich families paying for everything.

Employee sb employed. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We gave dc one semester to right the ship or transfer to instate and commute. Dc spent the last three years of college commuting from childhood home in state. We save money, they learned we meant it when we said it and a degree was achieved in four years.

And I'll bet said DC is now supporting himself or herself.

In fact they are gainfully employee, pursuing a masters and purchasing their first home. No bs parenting does work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO: Punish? No, that ship has sailed. Your baby is all grown up and is now facing real world consequences. You absolutely can have a discussion about that and offer to help your child strategize and plan for the coming struggle.

Now is the time for advice, not punishment.

+1

Natural consequences happen. That is not punishment. But you don't have to add more to the mix negatively -- and you shouldn't bear the weight of the burden for them, although you can offer advice, so long as it is up to them whether to take it.

One natural consequence might be that you don't continue paying tuition, unless XYZ. That's not punishment.

But there really aren't any consequences for rich full-pay families or full financial aid kids. As long as the tuition & board gravy train is paid for, anyone can plow through a bachelors with crummy marks.

Merit-based financial aid is often based on maintaining a certain GPA and number of hours.

Non-merit based financial aid often needs to be paid back, and you'd better have the grades to get the job or graduate school entrance to get you tot he point where you can pay it off.

As for full pay families, as above: "One natural consequence might be that you don't continue paying tuition, unless XYZ."

Many financial aid kids get full boat packages or packages with only very modest loans. You think kids care about $3k-5k in loans per year? They're having a blast, the time of their life, a small $5k loan annually is the least of their concerns.

What's the approximate percentage of college students getting financial aid that you are claiming gets this deal?

Not sure % but common at big endowment T20s and flagship universities. In the 90s I was an RA and girls in my dorm bragged about getting paid to go to college. They meant everything was free and they got big financial aid refunds before the semester. Half of them still flunked out. As a parent, I'm not sure how you can have leverage over your kid to hit benchmarks if you're not paying anything. Or if you're so rich the tuition is couch cushion money, you're not likely to yank your kid out for mediocre performance, so again, little leverage.

A friend of mine whose been through it gave me the advice that for the first semester you take a hands off approach given the level of transition.

So I’d have a conversation to gain a sense of what happened - partied hard and forgot to go I class ? Became involved romantically and lost focus ?

I would want to understand the root cause and then explain they have Spring term to start regaining their focus. Another 2.0 semester due to a loss of focus of effort and then we’d talk about the likelihood that they lacked the maturity to go away to school.

But then again I forgot to go to school one semester - didn’t withdraw and pulled a 0.00 GPA. It happens. But it was something within me that didn’t want to fail that made me get back on track.

Love your kid but it’s ok if it’s a bit of a tough love.

Anonymous wrote:We gave dc one semester to right the ship or transfer to instate and commute. Dc spent the last three years of college commuting from childhood home in state. We save money, they learned we meant it when we said it and a degree was achieved in four years.

And I'll bet said DC is now supporting himself or herself.

Anonymous wrote:We gave dc one semester to right the ship or transfer to instate and commute. Dc spent the last three years of college commuting from childhood home in state. We save money, they learned we meant it when we said it and a degree was achieved in four years.

What does right the ship mean? As in a firm GPA requirement for 2nd semester or no grades below a ... B-? Was your dc even close to the requirements 2nd semester? What if you said 3.0 requirement and dc got a 2.9. Seems like it'd be almost preferred they REALLY screwed up to avoid the grey area.

It's not punishment to set some expectations and follow through.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO: Punish? No, that ship has sailed. Your baby is all grown up and is now facing real world consequences. You absolutely can have a discussion about that and offer to help your child strategize and plan for the coming struggle.

Now is the time for advice, not punishment.

+1

Natural consequences happen. That is not punishment. But you don't have to add more to the mix negatively -- and you shouldn't bear the weight of the burden for them, although you can offer advice, so long as it is up to them whether to take it.

One natural consequence might be that you don't continue paying tuition, unless XYZ. That's not punishment.

But there really aren't any consequences for rich full-pay families or full financial aid kids. As long as the tuition & board gravy train is paid for, anyone can plow through a bachelors with crummy marks.

Merit-based financial aid is often based on maintaining a certain GPA and number of hours.

Non-merit based financial aid often needs to be paid back, and you'd better have the grades to get the job or graduate school entrance to get you tot he point where you can pay it off.

As for full pay families, as above: "One natural consequence might be that you don't continue paying tuition, unless XYZ."

Many financial aid kids get full boat packages or packages with only very modest loans. You think kids care about $3k-5k in loans per year? They're having a blast, the time of their life, a small $5k loan annually is the least of their concerns.

What's the approximate percentage of college students getting financial aid that you are claiming gets this deal?

Anonymous wrote:The GPA to keep financial aid is the same as academic probation. It's like keeping sports eligibility in high school, pretty much a joke.

Anyone can plow through a bachelors with a 2.0 gpa if everything is free.

I think the only kids that really feel pressure are donut hole families where parents are putting up significant money relative to HHI.

Oh shut up. This simply isn't true. I went to college on major financial aid and felt plenty of pressure, and my kids were all full pay and felt pressure as well. We were on both sides of your silly donut hole.

We gave dc one semester to right the ship or transfer to instate and commute. Dc spent the last three years of college commuting from childhood home in state. We save money, they learned we meant it when we said it and a degree was achieved in four years.