The short answer: bc married men are people too and flirting feels good.

The longer one: Flirting is 100% plausible deniability. Read above descriptions of the "amiable people pleaser", or "he doesn't know how he comes across". Whatever. Ultimately it's pure social profit for them bc they moment you become inconveniently invested they are conveniently unavailable. And justifiably so, as married people.

My advice: Invest nothing emotionally when a married man gives you that vibe. At best it's sweet cluelessness, at worst he's letting you think it's a "maybe" when it's a "hard no" (and should be). Guys like that are emotional black holes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me many times in my past. Happily married now for 15 years. Don’t expend mental energy on that ass,OP. Just move on. You’ll meet someone great.

I really don’t think I will. I’m in my mid 30s . I’ve been waiting for someone great for as long as you’ve been married.

What are you doing to actively meet available men? Waiting around is not really going to cut it.

Sitting at home waiting for Prince Charming to show up at my doorstep.

Anonymous wrote:Uh do you think everyone you flirt with / flirts with you will lead to a relationship? Who cares?

The check out guy was flirting with me at Whole Foods today. Newsflash it didn’t go anywhere.

Yeah, I can see why.

You need to watch this Ted talk and try online dating (mirroring her recommendations).

https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_webb_how_i_hacked_online_dating

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep your head up. You will encounter married men while dating. Learn to move on fast.

+1

I'll add learn not to put to much emotional energy into flirtations - keep it light and keep looking for something more serious. I have a friend who falls really hard for people she's not in a relationship with, and when nothing comes of it she needs a recovery period like she's mourning a divorce. Don't get too invested before you know a person pretty well.

Oh my lord, I have a friend like this. It's insane.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me many times in my past. Happily married now for 15 years. Don’t expend mental energy on that ass,OP. Just move on. You’ll meet someone great.

I really don’t think I will. I’m in my mid 30s . I’ve been waiting for someone great for as long as you’ve been married.

What are you doing to actively meet available men? Waiting around is not really going to cut it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me many times in my past. Happily married now for 15 years. Don’t expend mental energy on that ass,OP. Just move on. You’ll meet someone great.

I really don’t think I will. I’m in my mid 30s . I’ve been waiting for someone great for as long as you’ve been married.

This trope needs to die a fiery death. Plenty of women will never meet the right person, no matter how much they try. We as a society need to move on from assuming that one's life goal should be to marry. STOP telling women they will meet someone, and start telling them that they don't need a man to justify their existence.

+1. This poster is spot on. Women still feel pressure and expectations to marry. It is ridiculous. I wish someone had told me that I did not need a man to justify my existence. Had doubts getting married, gave into pressure and feel it is the biggest mistake of my life. It is hard to just end it when kids are involved. I am telling my kids they do not need to marry and it should not be a life goal.

Ok but there’s something in between. Where maybe you want to get married. You can have other goals in life and achieve them and be happy but still want an SO there’s nothing wrong with that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me many times in my past. Happily married now for 15 years. Don’t expend mental energy on that ass,OP. Just move on. You’ll meet someone great.

I really don’t think I will. I’m in my mid 30s . I’ve been waiting for someone great for as long as you’ve been married.

This trope needs to die a fiery death. Plenty of women will never meet the right person, no matter how much they try. We as a society need to move on from assuming that one's life goal should be to marry. STOP telling women they will meet someone, and start telling them that they don't need a man to justify their existence.

+1. This poster is spot on. Women still feel pressure and expectations to marry. It is ridiculous. I wish someone had told me that I did not need a man to justify my existence. Had doubts getting married, gave into pressure and feel it is the biggest mistake of my life. It is hard to just end it when kids are involved. I am telling my kids they do not need to marry and it should not be a life goal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me many times in my past. Happily married now for 15 years. Don’t expend mental energy on that ass,OP. Just move on. You’ll meet someone great.

I really don’t think I will. I’m in my mid 30s . I’ve been waiting for someone great for as long as you’ve been married.

This trope needs to die a fiery death. Plenty of women will never meet the right person, no matter how much they try. We as a society need to move on from assuming that one's life goal should be to marry. STOP telling women they will meet someone, and start telling them that they don't need a man to justify their existence.

Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:
I am friends with a couple. The husband is a social, amiable people-pleaser and it comes across as flirting sometimes. That's just how he is. He will never cheat, but perhaps he's annoyed some women...

And my married neighbor flirts with all the personable men at parties. I don't think she realizes how she comes across, but it gets embarrassing sometimes.

I know there are people out there actively looking to cheat. Just wanted to point out that some are clueless, not ill-intended.

Sorry, OP. I'm sure you'll find a decent man.

They may not be looking to cheat, but they know exactly how they come across.? It’s all ego to them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me many times in my past. Happily married now for 15 years. Don’t expend mental energy on that ass,OP. Just move on. You’ll meet someone great.

I really don’t think I will. I’m in my mid 30s . I’ve been waiting for someone great for as long as you’ve been married.

This trope needs to die a fiery death. Plenty of women will never meet the right person, no matter how much they try. We as a society need to move on from assuming that one's life goal should be to marry. STOP telling women they will meet someone, and start telling them that they don't need a man to justify their existence.

I am friends with a couple. The husband is a social, amiable people-pleaser and it comes across as flirting sometimes. That's just how he is. He will never cheat, but perhaps he's annoyed some women...

And my married neighbor flirts with all the personable men at parties. I don't think she realizes how she comes across, but it gets embarrassing sometimes.

I know there are people out there actively looking to cheat. Just wanted to point out that some are clueless, not ill-intended.

Sorry, OP. I'm sure you'll find a decent man.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep your head up. You will encounter married men while dating. Learn to move on fast.

I have a friend who falls really hard for people she's not in a relationship with, and when nothing comes of it she needs a recovery period like she's mourning a divorce.

This is me. Part of the reason why I stopped dating five years ago. Pity me if you want, but my mental health is much improved when men are not complicating factors in my life.

I think I’m at the point of giving up on guys. It’s just not worth the trouble.

Unfortunately men love to flirt, it's an ego boost for them. Move on, eventually you'll meet someone you click with.

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me many times in my past. Happily married now for 15 years. Don’t expend mental energy on that ass,OP. Just move on. You’ll meet someone great.

I really don’t think I will. I’m in my mid 30s . I’ve been waiting for someone great for as long as you’ve been married.