Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wife cheated. I waited til last child reached 18. I had a prenup, handed her papers after youngest’s 18th birthday and graduation from school. She was open mouthed, didn’t want to D. I said too bad, move. I had signed D decree 6 months later.
I feel great. Kids live with me.
How long was the time between you discovered the affair and your youngest turned 18? I don’t have a prenup but I am considering leaving after our youngest enters college.
Be aware that although the kids are out of the house, and feels like it's finally safe to exit, that particular timing can be hard on them. It can make them feel like the family life was a lie, and that they're responsible in some way for keeping the parents in an unhappy marriage.
It's actually a really crappy thing to do to college kids. They feel that their entire life was based on a lie.
It’s crappy. My mom divorced my dad, had planned it for years. He had an affair when I was 10. The affair was short-lived. Then he became a doting husband, and my mom “forgave” him. Now, I actually consider hers the worse betrayal. She lived a lie for 8 years, and also had myself and my older sister -as well Dad and our extended family believing her. She taught me that people don’t really forgive, and that it’s okay to use people. This wasn’t about what was best for the kids. This was about how she could best stick it to her husband. It’s been ten years since the divorce, and my sister and I don’t have much to do with her. I prefer to have people in my life who don’t lie to me for years.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wife cheated. I waited til last child reached 18. I had a prenup, handed her papers after youngest’s 18th birthday and graduation from school. She was open mouthed, didn’t want to D. I said too bad, move. I had signed D decree 6 months later.
I feel great. Kids live with me.
How long was the time between you discovered the affair and your youngest turned 18? I don’t have a prenup but I am considering leaving after our youngest enters college.
Be aware that although the kids are out of the house, and feels like it's finally safe to exit, that particular timing can be hard on them. It can make them feel like the family life was a lie, and that they're responsible in some way for keeping the parents in an unhappy marriage.
It's actually a really crappy thing to do to college kids. They feel that their entire life was based on a lie.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wife cheated. I waited til last child reached 18. I had a prenup, handed her papers after youngest’s 18th birthday and graduation from school. She was open mouthed, didn’t want to D. I said too bad, move. I had signed D decree 6 months later.
I feel great. Kids live with me.
How long was the time between you discovered the affair and your youngest turned 18? I don’t have a prenup but I am considering leaving after our youngest enters college.
Be aware that although the kids are out of the house, and feels like it's finally safe to exit, that particular timing can be hard on them. It can make them feel like the family life was a lie, and that they're responsible in some way for keeping the parents in an unhappy marriage.
It's actually a really crappy thing to do to college kids. They feel that their entire life was based on a lie.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wife cheated. I waited til last child reached 18. I had a prenup, handed her papers after youngest’s 18th birthday and graduation from school. She was open mouthed, didn’t want to D. I said too bad, move. I had signed D decree 6 months later.
I feel great. Kids live with me.
How long was the time between you discovered the affair and your youngest turned 18? I don’t have a prenup but I am considering leaving after our youngest enters college.
Be aware that although the kids are out of the house, and feels like it's finally safe to exit, that particular timing can be hard on them. It can make them feel like the family life was a lie, and that they're responsible in some way for keeping the parents in an unhappy marriage.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wife cheated. I waited til last child reached 18. I had a prenup, handed her papers after youngest’s 18th birthday and graduation from school. She was open mouthed, didn’t want to D. I said too bad, move. I had signed D decree 6 months later.
I feel great. Kids live with me.
How long was the time between you discovered the affair and your youngest turned 18? I don’t have a prenup but I am considering leaving after our youngest enters college.
Anonymous wrote:Wife cheated. I waited til last child reached 18. I had a prenup, handed her papers after youngest’s 18th birthday and graduation from school. She was open mouthed, didn’t want to D. I said too bad, move. I had signed D decree 6 months later.
I feel great. Kids live with me.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I stayed and we are trying reconciliation. It is really hard. It’s been about 20 months so far of counseling. We have worked thru many issues, but still more to go. Critical for me was that my spouse (AFAIK) cut off the affair. I definitely am no closer to trusting again tho, and I fear I never will.
If it weren’t for our young children, I would have left. But I suppose I’m glad I stayed because they have been spared. Maybe it will work out. I hope so. But I really don’t know.
It’s a long hard road.
May I ask how long the affair lasted? And how long have been married? My H affair lasted 18 months and we’ve been married 10 years.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I stayed and we are trying reconciliation. It is really hard. It’s been about 20 months so far of counseling. We have worked thru many issues, but still more to go. Critical for me was that my spouse (AFAIK) cut off the affair. I definitely am no closer to trusting again tho, and I fear I never will.
If it weren’t for our young children, I would have left. But I suppose I’m glad I stayed because they have been spared. Maybe it will work out. I hope so. But I really don’t know.
It’s a long hard road.
May I ask how long the affair lasted? And how long have been married? My H affair lasted 18 months and we’ve been married 10 years.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:For those that survived cheating, are we talking about a one-off occurrence, perhaps 2? Or an affair of some duration (1 month, 6 months, a year, etc)?
My DW had an extra marital affair for over 4 months. After long discussions, we decided for marital counseling because we did have a genuine love between us and for the kids. It has been difficult because my DW was first open to marital counseling but was afraid to address the issues. It has worked in an open forum to address the issues we had and I do not regret my decision because I do love her on an "emotional" level. The real difficult part was the feelings she was dealing with during the extra marital affair and the lies she said that impact our family and kids. Marriage is hard but I know (and have faith) that our relationship will be stronger. I have learned a lot about my DW after I healed over the AP.
Good for you. My exDW had an AP that basically lasted over a year...while we tried to reconcile, repeatedly. Went to counseling, etc., but at the end of the day, she fell out of love for me and in love for her AP.
Anonymous wrote:I stayed and we are trying reconciliation. It is really hard. It’s been about 20 months so far of counseling. We have worked thru many issues, but still more to go. Critical for me was that my spouse (AFAIK) cut off the affair. I definitely am no closer to trusting again tho, and I fear I never will.
If it weren’t for our young children, I would have left. But I suppose I’m glad I stayed because they have been spared. Maybe it will work out. I hope so. But I really don’t know.
It’s a long hard road.
Anonymous wrote:Wife cheated. I waited til last child reached 18. I had a prenup, handed her papers after youngest’s 18th birthday and graduation from school. She was open mouthed, didn’t want to D. I said too bad, move. I had signed D decree 6 months later.
I feel great. Kids live with me.
Anonymous wrote:Wife cheated. I waited til last child reached 18. I had a prenup, handed her papers after youngest’s 18th birthday and graduation from school. She was open mouthed, didn’t want to D. I said too bad, move. I had signed D decree 6 months later.
I feel great. Kids live with me.