Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who gets your kids? Who will take care of them and provide for them? Minors can't inherit money. You need a trust, and a trustee. Preferably not the same person who will be taking care of them.

Our lawyer said it is better for the trustee and the caretaker to be the same person. She said it was very unusual for them not to be the same person.

Your lawyer sounds unprofessional. A trustee can, for instance, quit at any time.

Anonymous wrote:We don't have a will. My DH is an attorney. We can't agree on many things regarding the kids. So we don't have one. It's bad, but I will not sign a will if I don't agree with it and neither will he. We are in complete disagreement.

We don't do vacations. I will not go anywhere with him without kids in case something happens and we don't have a will. Can't risk both of us dying at the same time.

You do realize that you each get your own will? You can write your will any way you want. You can set up trusts for your kids that will bypass your husband's will. A good lawyer can help you figure this out.

FWIW, my parents were killed in a car accident that happened a block from their house. The risk is low, but not taking vacations doesn't solve your problem.

We don't have a will. My DH is an attorney. We can't agree on many things regarding the kids. So we don't have one. It's bad, but I will not sign a will if I don't agree with it and neither will he. We are in complete disagreement.

We don't do vacations. I will not go anywhere with him without kids in case something happens and we don't have a will. Can't risk both of us dying at the same time.

Recommendations for attorneys to draw up will. Reasonable to low fees please as this seems straightforward legal work? Thx

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a will. You live in this country, doesn’t matter what your prior life experience was. Your obligation is to protect your children and your spouse, and that is what well thought out estate planning does. Nobody can predict the future, people can be gone in a minute. Be a grown up, consult an attorney nad put together a will and estate plan. You want some judge to decide what happens to your children if both parents are killed in an accident? That’s not what a loving parent does.

The ultimate decision for guardian appointment will alway lie with the courts. You can make your wishes known through your will, but the court will decide.

A Court could overrule the will in some cases, but a will can eliminate all kinds of additional hoops that you have to jump through. I had a friend whose husband died without a will in another state. They owned a large ranch, and the court appointed a trustee for the children, even though the mother was still living. This could have been avoided, if the father had a will.

Anonymous wrote:Get a will. You live in this country, doesn’t matter what your prior life experience was. Your obligation is to protect your children and your spouse, and that is what well thought out estate planning does. Nobody can predict the future, people can be gone in a minute. Be a grown up, consult an attorney nad put together a will and estate plan. You want some judge to decide what happens to your children if both parents are killed in an accident? That’s not what a loving parent does.

The ultimate decision for guardian appointment will alway lie with the courts. You can make your wishes known through your will, but the court will decide.

Yes, you need a will.

Get a will. You live in this country, doesn’t matter what your prior life experience was. Your obligation is to protect your children and your spouse, and that is what well thought out estate planning does. Nobody can predict the future, people can be gone in a minute. Be a grown up, consult an attorney nad put together a will and estate plan. You want some judge to decide what happens to your children if both parents are killed in an accident? That’s not what a loving parent does.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh....we have no guardian for our kids. Our family are all insane.thrybare 9 &12. Just hoping to survive.

Do you have a friend you could name? The court will pick one of your crazy relatives or put them in foster care, and you really don't want your kids in the foster care system (and then on their own the minute they turn 18 with all of your $$). At a minimum, set up a trust and a trustee (could be a bank).

kinda sorta.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh....we have no guardian for our kids. Our family are all insane.thrybare 9 &12. Just hoping to survive.

Do you have a friend you could name? The court will pick one of your crazy relatives or put them in foster care, and you really don't want your kids in the foster care system (and then on their own the minute they turn 18 with all of your $$). At a minimum, set up a trust and a trustee (could be a bank).

Ugh....we have no guardian for our kids. Our family are all insane.thrybare 9 &12. Just hoping to survive.

You should also have a back up in place. Guardian #1, and if they are not available, Guardian #2. Same for Trustee. Our Guardian #1 is my sister, but there are plenty of times where my spouse and I are in a car with my sister. If we were all in a crash and died, Guardian #2 would have to step up.

Once you make these choices, you have the opportunity to tell all the people potentially involved (its nice to also ask ahead, just in case they have some reason they are uncomfortable with the arrangement). We also gave copies of our will to each person involved. If/when something happens to us, it will be fairly easy for each person to know their role.

We have a will- DS goes to trusted cousin (the nurturer). Money is managed by by a third party. Crazy, greedy parents don't get custody or money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who gets your kids? Who will take care of them and provide for them? Minors can't inherit money. You need a trust, and a trustee. Preferably not the same person who will be taking care of them.

Our lawyer said it is better for the trustee and the caretaker to be the same person. She said it was very unusual for them not to be the same person.

I guess it depends on how much you trust that person. I agree. If I trust someone enough to raise my child, I also trust them to make responsible decisions about the money. It seems so messed up to imagine, say, my sister asking my brother in law for money pay for my son's braces or something like that. But maybe if you want the raising of your child to be a joint thing so that no one person has control it would make sense.

It does make sense to have a trust in the kid's name, instead of giving the money directly to the guardian, so that money never becomes part of their estate and is instead always reserved for your child (protected from getting sued or divorced or having a medical emergency).

The person who is best at raising kids may not be the best at making investment decisions. My lawyer advised they be different, also for reasons of accountability. The guardian shouldn't have to go hat in hand begging for financial support either--the whole point of the trust is that the trustee has marching orders--pay for these necessary expenses; provide x amount as a monthly allowance for the guardian; whatever you want to set up. If they fail to do that, they can be removed. My lawyer has seen way too many cases of family members as guardians who put their hands in the till and enriched themselves at the expense of the beneficiary to advise anything other than careful decision-making on this front.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who gets your kids? Who will take care of them and provide for them? Minors can't inherit money. You need a trust, and a trustee. Preferably not the same person who will be taking care of them.

Our lawyer said it is better for the trustee and the caretaker to be the same person. She said it was very unusual for them not to be the same person.

I guess it depends on how much you trust that person. I agree. If I trust someone enough to raise my child, I also trust them to make responsible decisions about the money. It seems so messed up to imagine, say, my sister asking my brother in law for money pay for my son's braces or something like that. But maybe if you want the raising of your child to be a joint thing so that no one person has control it would make sense.

It does make sense to have a trust in the kid's name, instead of giving the money directly to the guardian, so that money never becomes part of their estate and is instead always reserved for your child (protected from getting sued or divorced or having a medical emergency).