Anonymous wrote:Agree that your mom’s after dinner cleanup offerings are now finished. Talk about no good deed goes unpunished. Did your husband confront her in an angry, forceful way? Otherwise it’s hard to see how this eacalated otherwise.

This is what I was wondering. Did he approach her like it was a simple mistake or did he act like she’d thrown away one of the kids?

Your mother should apologize and promise not to throw away something that's not already in a trash bag.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lesson learned: don't keep stuff like this in common areas. If it's so sentimental, it should be kept with other keepsakes.

It’s a ceramic mug!

He probably wants to drink coffee in it, why shouldn’t he keep cups in the kitchen? It’s weird to throw away other people’s dishes.

Maybe she thought it was chipped and broken? I guess I don't get the attachment to a mug but, why assume the worst and that it wasn't an accident? Good grief DH is acting like she stabbed him with a knife.

NP here, my wife has a mug like that. it was given to her by a Friend in college who passed away. I had no idea. I was cleaning the cabinets and organizing and it was in the toss out pile.

So glad she caught it before it got dumped.
shit happens. if mom was digging through the cupboards and taking upon herself to clean and organize, then yeah some corrective actions. but if she was cleaning up the thanksgiving dinner and the mig was beat down and ugly and trash looking then I chalk it up. hard to be angry with someone who was trying to help you out.

Mom either has boundary issues or dementia.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So weird that this has blown up into a cause celebre.

If there weren't already something sour between them, it would just be:

DH: "Hey, this isn't trash."
Mom: "Oh, I"m so sorry."

There must be a lot of history here you haven't told us.

+1

I’m sure there’s more history, but I don’t need to know it to realize you should not throw other people’s things away when you are visiting them.

Anonymous wrote:So weird that this has blown up into a cause celebre.

If there weren't already something sour between them, it would just be:

DH: "Hey, this isn't trash."
Mom: "Oh, I"m so sorry."

There must be a lot of history here you haven't told us.

+1

The red solo cup from DH's first beer belongs in the trash. Or the china cabinet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lesson learned: don't keep stuff like this in common areas. If it's so sentimental, it should be kept with other keepsakes.

It’s a ceramic mug!

He probably wants to drink coffee in it, why shouldn’t he keep cups in the kitchen? It’s weird to throw away other people’s dishes.

Maybe she thought it was chipped and broken? I guess I don't get the attachment to a mug but, why assume the worst and that it wasn't an accident? Good grief DH is acting like she stabbed him with a knife.

Agree that your mom’s after dinner cleanup offerings are now finished. Talk about no good deed goes unpunished. Did your husband confront her in an angry, forceful way? Otherwise it’s hard to see how this eacalated otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:So weird that this has blown up into a cause celebre.

If there weren't already something sour between them, it would just be:

DH: "Hey, this isn't trash."
Mom: "Oh, I"m so sorry."

There must be a lot of history here you haven't told us.

No, it’s just weird to toss dishes at someone else’s house.

I don’t like my mom’s china, would it be okay if just throw my plate in the trash after a meal?

Anonymous wrote:Lesson learned: don't keep stuff like this in common areas. If it's so sentimental, it should be kept with other keepsakes.

It’s a ceramic mug!

He probably wants to drink coffee in it, why shouldn’t he keep cups in the kitchen? It’s weird to throw away other people’s dishes.

Is this typical of her? Is there some backstory? Is this a sign of early dementia?

Anonymous wrote:A childhood cup? It could have looked like trash! How was she to know? I'd be very surprised if she did it intentionally to piss off your husband because there are so many easier ways to do that. Tell you husband to take his thumb out of his mouth and grow up.

She may not have done it with the intent if pudding him off, but there was certainly disregard for someone else’s belongings.

I have the opposite issue with my hoarder mom. She takes stuff OUT of our trash when she visits us if we don’t watch her.

So weird that this has blown up into a cause celebre.

If there weren't already something sour between them, it would just be:

DH: "Hey, this isn't trash."
Mom: "Oh, I"m so sorry."

There must be a lot of history here you haven't told us.

So your mom should not have thrown away the cup, I agree. You hopefully also know that she will never ever help clean up again. Did she ask you if she could help, or did you ask Curt to help? I guarantee you, though, that this will be the last time she lifts a finger in your house. This is going to cause problems down the road. Someone needs to take the highroad and just apologize… Whether it’s your husband or your mom it doesn’t really matter.