Anonymous
Post 11/24/2018 19:52     Subject: Re:What point do you stop putting up with crazy teen behavior
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Does he value anything other than his phone?

For my teenager, I could tell her that if she goes to therapy, I will be her taxi service. If she doesn't go to therapy, she loses parents as taxi service for that week.
Some parents use the phone. If you don't go to therapy, you don't get your phone.
Some use positive reinforcements, such as getting to leave school during a class the child doesn't much enjoy, or after therapy going to starbucks, etc.

It also sounds like you expect things to work immediately. It doesn't work like that. You have to show your kid you're holding to your boundaries and they're meaningful. It sounds like your kid doesn't believe you. It's not a bad idea for you to look for a therapist and make an appointment to discuss potential therapy refusal, etc. But also hold fast to what you're doing and see if your kid doesn't come on board.

Also, try to find things he's doing right. Praise him for the smallest of things. If he picks his socks up off the floor, thank him, even if he should be doing it anyway. Let him know you're seeing where he is trying, and he might do the same for you.


+1000 this. Only thing I would add is you all need family therapy to help get to a new family dynamic. This isn't just your child who needs fixing, it is how you are all interacting that needs to change.


This, and don’t pick fights with him over his appearance. This fight was all over an accessory. You don’t need to control how he looks.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2018 18:24     Subject: Re:What point do you stop putting up with crazy teen behavior
PP how old are your kids? In MD it is IMPOSSIBLE to get a license on the day your turn 16. There are many hoops and requirements that have to be cleared and scheduled ahead of time. As a result of the extensive requirements and the prevalence of Uber, many kids wait until summer or spring break to schedule the required classes and private driving instruction. I’d guess half of today’s teens are closer to 17 than 16 by the time they get their license. Very different from when I turned 16.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2018 18:15     Subject: What point do you stop putting up with crazy teen behavior
Anonymous wrote:Most people don't have a third car for a 16 to drive.
Even if the kid has a license. Most people ease into having a teen drive.


No, most kids get it at 16 so they can get the driving experience in as they will not get it if they go away to college. You drive your parents cars. Its called sharing.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2018 14:16     Subject: Re:What point do you stop putting up with crazy teen behavior
Anonymous wrote:OP, is this a new issue, or have you seen this pattern for some time?
Does any of this (oppositional defiant disorder) ring true? https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/oppositional-defiant-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20375831
Could also be the anxiety and self esteem issues you mentioned manifesting as irritability and anger.

Either way, sounds like you could use some professional guidance. Both for him, and for yourselves to develop some strategies to address this and find a better path forward. Good luck.


Omg. Have you ever actually met a child with this diagnosis? Swearing at his parents because they took his phone is not ODD. It’s a kid who is angry at his parents for enforcing boundaries. Get a grip, PP.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2018 14:11     Subject: Re:What point do you stop putting up with crazy teen behavior
OP, is this a new issue, or have you seen this pattern for some time?
Does any of this (oppositional defiant disorder) ring true? https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/oppositional-defiant-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20375831
Could also be the anxiety and self esteem issues you mentioned manifesting as irritability and anger.

Either way, sounds like you could use some professional guidance. Both for him, and for yourselves to develop some strategies to address this and find a better path forward. Good luck.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2018 10:41     Subject: What point do you stop putting up with crazy teen behavior
Anonymous wrote:you need therapy & parenting classes.

harsh punishment -- especially punishment that removes healthy coping methods like music -- does not work.


Yes, it does. And taking away a phone is not "harsh punishment" anyway.

Phone is a privilege, not a right.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2018 10:39     Subject: What point do you stop putting up with crazy teen behavior
Anonymous wrote:You are just too adversarial and angry.

I'm sure the kid is a selfish PITA, but it sounds like you are forgetting who the grown up is here.

Tone it down, reflect on your goals, and pick some kinder strategies. Get a professional involved if necessary. You have lost your grip.



You're a moron. It is the teen who is adversarial and angry. You can on!y stop that by giving him everything he wants, which is not good parenting.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2018 10:29     Subject: What point do you stop putting up with crazy teen behavior
OP, I commend you for wanting to change things. But you need a lot more tools and advice to get you through this. The fact that you think you need your child committed for protective observation, which is an extreme measure only for kids who are a danger to themselves or others, which as you have described is not your kid, is an example of why you need professional guidance in how to better manage your kid. It took a long time to get to this place where your kid is acting like this. It will take a while to start getting out of it. Hang in there, but get a parenting coach immediately, as you need more help than an anonymous forum could possibly provide.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2018 10:05     Subject: What point do you stop putting up with crazy teen behavior
you need therapy & parenting classes.

harsh punishment -- especially punishment that removes healthy coping methods like music -- does not work.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2018 09:55     Subject: Re:What point do you stop putting up with crazy teen behavior
This sort of outburst is not unusable at this age. I remember your prior post and you just need to stay the course. Let him rage and see that it has no impact. Get therapy for yourselves to support you and then eventually you may need to involve your son. Hang in there. PP is right, stand firm for weeks before deciding it’s not working. The reaction you got is exactly what would be expected from a kid the first time you dish out calm consequences. Let him know you love him but not his choices, so consequences.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2018 08:56     Subject: What point do you stop putting up with crazy teen behavior
Most people don't have a third car for a 16 to drive.
Even if the kid has a license. Most people ease into having a teen drive.
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2018 08:46     Subject: What point do you stop putting up with crazy teen behavior
You are just too adversarial and angry.

I'm sure the kid is a selfish PITA, but it sounds like you are forgetting who the grown up is here.

Tone it down, reflect on your goals, and pick some kinder strategies. Get a professional involved if necessary. You have lost your grip.

Anonymous
Post 11/24/2018 08:45     Subject: What point do you stop putting up with crazy teen behavior
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why was mom still giving him a ride??


Tutoring for helping improve grades.

Why isn’t he driving himself?


Immature, unable to control his temper.... Just the kind of driver I want on the road with me!
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2018 07:40     Subject: What point do you stop putting up with crazy teen behavior
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why was mom still giving him a ride??


Tutoring for helping improve grades.

Why isn’t he driving himself?
Anonymous
Post 11/24/2018 07:39     Subject: What point do you stop putting up with crazy teen behavior
Anonymous wrote:Why was mom still giving him a ride??

At 16, he should
Have his license and a job. The job would probably do him some good.