We've discussed how things are going in general terms and I've offered support and advice. We also set overall expectations about our continued financial support. Obviously, we will be a bit flexible for the first semester as DC is getting adjusted. However, I do expect to sit down and review the final semester grades.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. The most hovering I do is to remind re: a grade needed because a particular class is a prerequisite to another. I happen to know a lot about their majors and the progression of their classes, from my own research. Occasionally I have offered a kernel of advice that has saved them from expensive mistakes. I don't check grades. I don't know their gpa, mid-year, end of year, or final. I do know that they are progressing in their major and are on track for graduating.

Let your kid live.

Why is offering help, and help that is actually helpful, not letting your kid live? Everyone does better with some guidance and/or a mentor. This "sink or swim" on your own mentality is so weird.

NP. Actually, I think the course advisors at college know more about the curriculum and do a better job of advising than I ever could. I might say something along the lines of "Course selection for next semester is coming up soon, have you talked to your course advisor, yet?"

I had three go through college and never asked grades. Only info I ever got was when any of them happily announced Deans Lists or financial awards because success.

We/I believe that once we decided to have children we wanted to give them every opportunity we could and then trust them to be responsible with their decisions.

We paid majority of tuition for our kids education-borrow what we needed, had them get (is it Stafford?) loans. As we saw college as very much one of their first adult decisions we did not choose the colleges for them, require specific majors. All 3 graduated in 4 years. Two went on for advanced degrees. One borrowed for an MBA (3 years out she told me she’s almost done with loans as she first concentrated on maximizing money for a house); other got full ride for law degree though borrowed some for living expenses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious about the hands off approach

If you wait till end of semester it might be too late to fix any mishaps, no??

Exactly what would you be fixing from miles and miles away?

NP here. My parents managed. Something like “get your shit together or we’re pulling the plug on your financing.” Yep, worked.

Anonymous wrote:Curious about the hands off approach

If you wait till end of semester it might be too late to fix any mishaps, no??

Exactly what would you be fixing from miles and miles away?

Is this a thing? I don't remember receiving any kind of formal midterm grades.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. The most hovering I do is to remind re: a grade needed because a particular class is a prerequisite to another. I happen to know a lot about their majors and the progression of their classes, from my own research. Occasionally I have offered a kernel of advice that has saved them from expensive mistakes. I don't check grades. I don't know their gpa, mid-year, end of year, or final. I do know that they are progressing in their major and are on track for graduating.

Let your kid live.

Why is offering help, and help that is actually helpful, not letting your kid live? Everyone does better with some guidance and/or a mentor. This "sink or swim" on your own mentality is so weird.

Anonymous wrote:Curious about the hands off approach

If you wait till end of semester it might be too late to fix any mishaps, no??

Yes and since I am not “fixing” anything for my student it does not matter to me.

Curious about the hands off approach

If you wait till end of semester it might be too late to fix any mishaps, no??

Nope. She's working hard and based on what she chooses to share with me, is in no danger of losing her small scholarship or having to repeat a class. Good enough for me.

Anonymous wrote:Haven't you had conversations with them about how they are feeling about school, classes, workload until now? I would think if this is the first conversation, it will seem like you care more about the grades than how your child is handling the transition and the material.

Nailed it.

Whatever your choice may be about asking about grades, why do it over thanksgiving and ruin the holiday?

Honestly no, because I don’t care. He has the blessing of a fully funded 529. If he wants to flunk out or get shitty grades, he can. But then he is getting a full time minimum wage job and couch surfing with his friends. Not moving back with us and pretneding he is still UMC. Too mean? We had a rough, rough senior year with him and it is sink or swim time.

Nope. They are adults. They share what they want to share.

Anonymous wrote:Both tend to tell us their test scores as we go along. They tell us there grades at the end of the semester. I don’t ever check. I trust them.

their