Anonymous wrote:PP’s comment is insensitive and clearly shows she does not understand trauma. Telling someone to move past an experience that has traumatized them and to focus on their baby is the exact wrong thing to say. If OP feels she was traumatized at 3 weeks postpartum, she will likely be experiencing some degree of birth trauma and she may need support to get through it. Telling her she is missing out on precious moments is shaming her for acknowledging her feelings and trying to make her feel guilty for admitting them.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thank you for the advice and varying perspectives. I was separated from my baby for nearly 5 days while I was in the ICU and he was in the NICU. It was scary, and both physically and emotionally draining for both me and my husband. We are all home now and in many ways, we feel lucky that everyone is safe and together at home. However, I am still processing all of the fear, anguish, and guilt of being away from my baby (and two other children who were at home with a nanny and my parents). My husband is eager to put this all behind us and get back to regular life. I am still pretty shaken up and just want to hold my baby and cry most of the time. I will definitely see a counselor but I like the idea of starting a “self care” regimen to prioritize healing. I want to be a great mom, wife, employee and friend, and I know that in order to do that, I need to take care of this now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am extremely sorry for your experience. The advice you are getting is similar to the poor advice I got on these boards when I posted about my traumatic delivery. So I dismissed my feelings. And my feelings were dismissed by my care providers as well. I was told I should feel lucky I had a healthy baby and to get over the birth. It was awful. So I tried to push through, but I was struggling. I wasted nearly a year struggling to survive. I tried PPD groups but I didn’t have PPD. I tried new moms groups but it made me feel more isolated. I suffered flashbacks, crying spells, difficulty sleeping, difficulty concentrating. I could not relax. I contemplated suicide. I knew something was not right but no one seemed able to help me.

It turned out I had significant, and severe postpartum PTSD. It is widely under recognized and under diagnosed, even among midwives and OBs. It took me nearly a year to realize this and get help. If you are using the word traumatic to describe the delivery, that is a red flag. I encourage you, strongly, to seek help. Please speak to your OB. Schedule a visit with a psychologist. Georgetown has a women’s mental health center for postpartum women. GW has a similar one called the five trimesters clinic. Both would be good placed to start. I did EMDR therapy, and that was what ultimately helped me. I also got involved with several birth trauma organizations which helped me normalize my experience and feelings and see I was not alone.

Check out the information on the Birth Trauma Association (a British charity) and the Australasian Birth Trauma Association (Australia and NZ) and read about birth trauma. If the information there resonates with you, it is highly likely you are experiencing birth trauma. They both have private FB groups you can join for help and support. Another helpful resource is the book, How to Heal a Bad Birth. You can buy it on Amazon last I knew.

The US sadly has no such organization—the closest one I know of is called PATCH (prevention of traumatic childbirth) run by Penny Simkin.

You are not alone, and you will get through this. Please ignore the ignorant and insensitive posters here and get yourself some support.

What happened, pp?

I'm trying to imagine what might prompt PTSD from delivery (aside from losing the baby or being left with some permanent disfigurement/chronic medical issue). I'm not being snarky...I'm just trying to understand.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thank you for the advice and varying perspectives. I was separated from my baby for nearly 5 days while I was in the ICU and he was in the NICU. It was scary, and both physically and emotionally draining for both me and my husband. We are all home now and in many ways, we feel lucky that everyone is safe and together at home. However, I am still processing all of the fear, anguish, and guilt of being away from my baby (and two other children who were at home with a nanny and my parents). My husband is eager to put this all behind us and get back to regular life. I am still pretty shaken up and just want to hold my baby and cry most of the time. I will definitely see a counselor but I like the idea of starting a “self care” regimen to prioritize healing. I want to be a great mom, wife, employee and friend, and I know that in order to do that, I need to take care of this now.