Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m that woman who never got along with other girls. I was bullied and picked upon and subjected to so many mean girl antics. I am now wary of women and keep my distance. I’ve realized that maybe I contributed to this toxic dynamic and want to make female friends. How do I become a better female friend?

Don't be hard on yourself. I look back at times in my life when I was bullied and subjected to mean girl antics. The toxicity pulls you in. It becomes about survival. That's the worst part about cliques like that: you lose yourself and find yourself behaving in ways you don't like just to survive. And that's in part what the mean girls are trying to achieve.

The PPs who are giving you are hard time probably have never been bullied by other girls/women. It's horrible. No man has ever hurt me the way women have.

This a 100%. Me too.

My cheating X is the one guy who has ever hurt me deeply..compared to several women including and starting with my own mother. She broke me in to being a doormat so all the rest of the Mean Girls could wipe their feet on me.

Luckliy my therapist is nice. And I have managed to get some good female friends over the years. You just have to find your Tribe.

What are you interests and hobbies? Joining a group with a shared interest is a great way to meet people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m that woman who never got along with other girls. I was bullied and picked upon and subjected to so many mean girl antics. I am now wary of women and keep my distance. I’ve realized that maybe I contributed to this toxic dynamic and want to make female friends. How do I become a better female friend?

Don't be hard on yourself. I look back at times in my life when I was bullied and subjected to mean girl antics. The toxicity pulls you in. It becomes about survival. That's the worst part about cliques like that: you lose yourself and find yourself behaving in ways you don't like just to survive. And that's in part what the mean girls are trying to achieve.

The PPs who are giving you are hard time probably have never been bullied by other girls/women. It's horrible. No man has ever hurt me the way women have.

This a 100%. Me too.

Heal your past and ensure you’ve healed your relationship with yourself.

Anonymous wrote:I’m that woman who never got along with other girls. I was bullied and picked upon and subjected to so many mean girl antics. I am now wary of women and keep my distance. I’ve realized that maybe I contributed to this toxic dynamic and want to make female friends. How do I become a better female friend?

Don't be hard on yourself. I look back at times in my life when I was bullied and subjected to mean girl antics. The toxicity pulls you in. It becomes about survival. That's the worst part about cliques like that: you lose yourself and find yourself behaving in ways you don't like just to survive. And that's in part what the mean girls are trying to achieve.

The PPs who are giving you are hard time probably have never been bullied by other girls/women. It's horrible. No man has ever hurt me the way women have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to force yourself into friendships. Too many women will sell you on out in a heartbeat once you're out of earshot. I've had this happen to me many times, and I finally got the message.

You're smart to control your own narrative and to be highly selective in your friendships, OP. There is nothing wrong with being a skeptic about human behavior. Embrace it, because you are probably right! I'd rather have one good friend than 500 people who are superficial friends. Don't sell yourself out for fake friendships.

Totally agree w/ bolded above. I know a woman that is friends with everyone--she meets someone once and she will friend you on FB. She will throw you a bday party, bridal shower, be in your wedding and she will talk about YOU and complain about all of it. She just is a climber and wants to be known. Reminds me of that old saying: "A friend to everyone is a friend to no one."

Yes!!!

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to force yourself into friendships. Too many women will sell you on out in a heartbeat once you're out of earshot. I've had this happen to me many times, and I finally got the message.

You're smart to control your own narrative and to be highly selective in your friendships, OP. There is nothing wrong with being a skeptic about human behavior. Embrace it, because you are probably right! I'd rather have one good friend than 500 people who are superficial friends. Don't sell yourself out for fake friendships.

+1 I don't think it's biology. It's how women are socialized because I've noticed men who hang out with cliques of women tend to be the same way (catty, gossipy, backstabbing).

I am most wary of cliques of women. That's when you really have to watch your back. They'll be super sweet to your face, but beware.

The older I get, the less energy I have to really put into trying to be liked/accepted by certain types of women. I do have a couple close female friends, but they are mostly loner types. One works in a male-dominated field (think military) and is solid as a rock. I cherish female friends like that. Not only do they make for good friends, but I think I'm a better person around them.

I loathe the cliques. There's pretty much always mean girl behavior.

It's hard to find good female friends. But look for the women who don't travel in packs.

Therapy

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to force yourself into friendships. Too many women will sell you on out in a heartbeat once you're out of earshot. I've had this happen to me many times, and I finally got the message.

You're smart to control your own narrative and to be highly selective in your friendships, OP. There is nothing wrong with being a skeptic about human behavior. Embrace it, because you are probably right! I'd rather have one good friend than 500 people who are superficial friends. Don't sell yourself out for fake friendships.

Totally agree w/ bolded above. I know a woman that is friends with everyone--she meets someone once and she will friend you on FB. She will throw you a bday party, bridal shower, be in your wedding and she will talk about YOU and complain about all of it. She just is a climber and wants to be known. Reminds me of that old saying: "A friend to everyone is a friend to no one."

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to force yourself into friendships. Too many women will sell you on out in a heartbeat once you're out of earshot. I've had this happen to me many times, and I finally got the message.

You're smart to control your own narrative and to be highly selective in your friendships, OP. There is nothing wrong with being a skeptic about human behavior. Embrace it, because you are probably right! I'd rather have one good friend than 500 people who are superficial friends. Don't sell yourself out for fake friendships.

+1

PP here. I agree. But usually you can tell the faux snob gossipy types almost immediately, so you can easily avoid them straight away, without wasting your precious time. Ex: The types of women who can't accept a compliment, they think they compliment giver is insincere, just because they are insincere - so they react poorly, in a faux snob fashion. (I am not saying people should go around giving compliments, that is just an example).

You don't need to force yourself into friendships. Too many women will sell you on out in a heartbeat once you're out of earshot. I've had this happen to me many times, and I finally got the message.

You're smart to control your own narrative and to be highly selective in your friendships, OP. There is nothing wrong with being a skeptic about human behavior. Embrace it, because you are probably right! I'd rather have one good friend than 500 people who are superficial friends. Don't sell yourself out for fake friendships.

Anonymous wrote:I have some pretty good friends. I just can't put the time in the relationship that the other girls in the group put in. Thankfully they understand that. Even if I had more time, I don't think I would have the energy to put in the time that they do. I am more of an introvert and would find it draining. Lucky these gals except me for who I am. It started with a strong relationship with just one. I hope you can find something similar OP.

Accept. And yes, I agree.