Anonymous
Post 11/16/2018 17:51     Subject: Do I have any recourse in dealing with a bratty nephew?
Why would anxiety make someone complain?
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2018 17:42     Subject: Do I have any recourse in dealing with a bratty nephew?
Anonymous wrote:My nephew is a brat. Not all my nieces/nephews are brats, most are polite and super easy going. But this one is. He is 11. It's not a phase.

Because his family is visiting, I will end up driving him around a few times. That's fine. In my car, the rules is that all electronics must have the sound totally off, or you must use headphones. He will give me crap about it, and constantly complain. And constantly disobey. I tell him the sound must be OFF, not low, because I am driving and that's comfortable for me while driving. He'll keep putting it back on.

Last time, I treated all the kids to one of those "Escape Room" type things. He complained the whole time, why we didn't choose one of the other scenarios, after repeatedly explaining that the different time slot did not work out for any of us. He complained about it the rest of the day. The other kids loved it and had no complaints.

He'll complain that there isn't any rice or french fries at thanksgiving... and will just eat corn. Sorry, I have enough to do and make and clean - I'm not making you rice or french fries because you won't eat mashed potatoes or turkey or anything else but corn.

His parents aren't nitpicky, but they don't do anything about his bratty or rude behavior.

Can I just take his phone and put it in the trunk when I'm driving? I know I'll get sh!t from brother and SIL, but the kid's brattiness is their fault.




I also think this is likely anxiety. It might not completely change the way you deal with it but it is important to keep it in mind. You might try to keep yourself from thinking of him as the "bratty" one and try giving him some positive attention/vibes upfront.

I also bet you that this is the kid that will suddenly say to you five years from now, "Do you remember when you took us to that Escape Room?! I LOVED that!"
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2018 17:40     Subject: Do I have any recourse in dealing with a bratty nephew?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Phone is locked in the trunk “until he can be trusted”. Maybe next year.


But then he will whine and complain, which she finds equally annoying. She wants silence.


Who said anything about silence? Conversation is normal in a car. Pokémon, video game sounds, etc is not and can be incredibly distracting.


She did. From the OP: "In my car, the rules is that all electronics must have the sound totally off, or you must use headphones. He will give me crap about it, and constantly complain. And constantly disobey."

If she takes the phone away, he will "give [her] crap about it, and constantly complain."

I get it; he's unpleasant to be around. It's a few days. No, OP has no recourse other than to remove herself from his presence. There is no magic.


On what planet does feeling like constant, persistent complaining is annoying, mean you require complete silence??!
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2018 17:18     Subject: Do I have any recourse in dealing with a bratty nephew?
Anonymous wrote:My 6-year-old complains, and melts down, and refuses things he ought to like. He spent most of Halloween night face down on someone's lawn because he was unhappy about something that had happened with his brother.

My other three children are nothing like this. He has an older brother (8) and two younger siblings (5 and 3).

Special events, excitement, parties, new people, etc. give him anxiety, and this is how it comes out. Aside from never going anywhere, or always leaving, our only real option is to hope it doesn't happen and ignore as much of it as we can. If he is truly ruining the event, we leave.

I don't know if this is your nephew's problem, but "bratty" behavior that seems completely ridiculous (like being negative about the Escape Room) is exactly what my child with anxiety would do; he feels awful, so he's going to come up with a reason why the activity/people around him/world are making him feel awful.

We have floated the idea of just not going to family events, and then we are told we are being cruel and selfish not to let the relatives see the children. It is literally impossible to control what a child says or puts in his mouth. So we deal.


There’s a big difference between 6 and 11. My son complains a lot when we travel. He’s tired. He doesn’t like what we are doing unless he LOVES what we are doing. We worked hard and consistently to get him to a point where he knows he’s allowed to be miserable, but he isn’t allowed to make everyone else miserable by whining the whole time. Anxiety or not, you still need to work on getting him to express himself in an appropriate way.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2018 17:02     Subject: Do I have any recourse in dealing with a bratty nephew?
Anonymous wrote:My 6-year-old complains, and melts down, and refuses things he ought to like. He spent most of Halloween night face down on someone's lawn because he was unhappy about something that had happened with his brother.

My other three children are nothing like this. He has an older brother (8) and two younger siblings (5 and 3).

Special events, excitement, parties, new people, etc. give him anxiety, and this is how it comes out. Aside from never going anywhere, or always leaving, our only real option is to hope it doesn't happen and ignore as much of it as we can. If he is truly ruining the event, we leave.

I don't know if this is your nephew's problem, but "bratty" behavior that seems completely ridiculous (like being negative about the Escape Room) is exactly what my child with anxiety would do; he feels awful, so he's going to come up with a reason why the activity/people around him/world are making him feel awful.

We have floated the idea of just not going to family events, and then we are told we are being cruel and selfish not to let the relatives see the children. It is literally impossible to control what a child says or puts in his mouth. So we deal.


If there are 4 young kids he's probably not given a lot of attention and given the tablet so he leaves the parents alone.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2018 17:00     Subject: Do I have any recourse in dealing with a bratty nephew?
Watch this skit and treat him like this. From Big Bang Theory! It works! And nobody will be the wiser.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5w-vFJh9lbc
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2018 16:34     Subject: Do I have any recourse in dealing with a bratty nephew?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Phone is locked in the trunk “until he can be trusted”. Maybe next year.


But then he will whine and complain, which she finds equally annoying. She wants silence.


Who said anything about silence? Conversation is normal in a car. Pokémon, video game sounds, etc is not and can be incredibly distracting.


She did. From the OP: "In my car, the rules is that all electronics must have the sound totally off, or you must use headphones. He will give me crap about it, and constantly complain. And constantly disobey."

If she takes the phone away, he will "give [her] crap about it, and constantly complain."

I get it; he's unpleasant to be around. It's a few days. No, OP has no recourse other than to remove herself from his presence. There is no magic.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2018 16:28     Subject: Do I have any recourse in dealing with a bratty nephew?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Phone is locked in the trunk “until he can be trusted”. Maybe next year.


But then he will whine and complain, which she finds equally annoying. She wants silence.
then they could play the quiet game.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2018 16:09     Subject: Do I have any recourse in dealing with a bratty nephew?
It’s a no win situation. Your nephew sucks, but we are expected to hang with family on holidays. My solution, which is not popular, but I feel is the lesser of the evils, I choose not To hang with family over the holidays if they have asshole kids. My kids don’t have much of a relationship with some of their cousins, who are assholes.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2018 16:01     Subject: Do I have any recourse in dealing with a bratty nephew?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Phone is locked in the trunk “until he can be trusted”. Maybe next year.


But then he will whine and complain, which she finds equally annoying. She wants silence.


Who said anything about silence? Conversation is normal in a car. Pokémon, video game sounds, etc is not and can be incredibly distracting.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2018 15:48     Subject: Do I have any recourse in dealing with a bratty nephew?
1. Tell his parents before they arrive that you don’t want another visit ruined by their son’s whining and complaining.
Tell them they need to be stricter, otherwise you will have to be there he police, and you don’t like to do that.

2. Follow through on 1. every time you need to during the visit.

3. The kid seems to have poor impulse control and lack social skills, two typical symptoms of ADHD and possibly Asperger’s. My teen has both, and I need to work hard with him to control these tendencies. Blame the parents for not doing the extra work, OP, not the kid.

4. I would provide at least one of his favorite foods for Thanksgiving. That's the least I can do for a kid with issues!

Anonymous
Post 11/16/2018 15:45     Subject: Do I have any recourse in dealing with a bratty nephew?
Anonymous wrote:Phone is locked in the trunk “until he can be trusted”. Maybe next year.


But then he will whine and complain, which she finds equally annoying. She wants silence.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2018 15:44     Subject: Do I have any recourse in dealing with a bratty nephew?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you sure it's truly bratty behavior and not anxiety, socially awkward, loneliness, insecurity, or the like?


Who cares. The answer is the same - "my car, my rules, turn the phone off and keep it off."


Except that having to say this annoys OP no end. That's the part she's not getting -- there is no magical way to turn her "bratty" nephew into her other nieces and nephews. And she's gotten to the "bitch eating crackers" stage with him, so even little annoyances set her off.

OP, you get what you get. You will be seen as the bratty one if you say you won't drive him, but that's actually something you can control.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2018 15:44     Subject: Do I have any recourse in dealing with a bratty nephew?
Phone is locked in the trunk “until he can be trusted”. Maybe next year.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2018 15:38     Subject: Do I have any recourse in dealing with a bratty nephew?
I was firm with my bratty nephew when my sister and BIL would visit. Turned out he had ADHD and medication really helped him immensely. My consistent application of fair rules also helped him, he told me years later. Your sister and BIL are doing him a huge disservice by letting things go.