Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be stunned to hear that. I have preteen boys, so I’ve never raised a girl. But I’m surprised so many posters say this is normal.

I feel exactly the same way and I have a preteen girl. My instinct would be to come down harder than what most PP's have suggested, e.g. there would be a firm talk and loss of a privilege.

It may depend your child- I know with my DS that he sometimes uses really hurtful words because he wants to keep the argument alive. So, I give a simple "please don't talk to me like that, and you still can't play fortnite on a school day" then I end it.

Later, he often comes to me to apologize and we talk about what was said. I don't typically punish him because my goal is to instill empathy. I remind him that no matter how he speaks to me that I am not changing my mind- so all he is doing with his words his causing hurt feelings. It is gradually getting better-- those of you whose kids don't "go there" can count yourself fortunate. I never spoke to my mom like that- but I was far less impulsive in many respects than my DS.

Anonymous wrote:I would be stunned to hear that. I have preteen boys, so I’ve never raised a girl. But I’m surprised so many posters say this is normal.

I feel exactly the same way and I have a preteen girl. My instinct would be to come down harder than what most PP's have suggested, e.g. there would be a firm talk and loss of a privilege.

“I’m sorry you feel that way. Answer is still no”.

I wish you are dead is rude and mean. Imagine if the child says this to another child. Would you like that? Would you want to be on the receiving end?

Always talk to your child about using the right words and actions to express themselves. Also, you can battle it with by throwing back the opposite feelings. Well, kiddo, I love you. That gets them off guard too. Then, you can follow up by saying how that 'dead' word made you feel.

kids are some dumb little shits

Anonymous wrote:She wanted to wear sun glasses to school, and I told her no.

She said I am the meanest mother in the world, and she wishes I was dead. she told me liked her daddy better, and it would be better when he is the only one around.

I am not really bothered by this death wish(my older siblings said same to my mom when they were around this age), but I did not know how to respond. I just stayed queit. Should I have said something?

"You're entitled to your feelings, but please don't say things like that to me. You're still not wearing sunglasses to school."

Just wait until your DD is a tween/teen. There is a good chance she will say the most hateful things, then collapse in a hormonal sobbing heap five minutes later, begging you to understand that "she didn't mean it, it's just that all of her other friends have snapchat and why do you have to be so weird?"

I would be stunned to hear that. I have preteen boys, so I’ve never raised a girl. But I’m surprised so many posters say this is normal.

I deflect in the moment: “well, I’ll see whether I can fit a nice death into my very busy schedule today!” Later, I have a talk about how hurtful that kind of language is and that there are things we say that we can’t take back. And I usually ask kid to imagine how it would feel to have someone they care about say something similar to him/her.

Meh, kids talk like that.
Having said that, we have 1 or 2 certain phrases that are common in the vernacular, but are just not acceptable in our house. All the other kinds of expressions, bathroom humor, etc DH will tolerate (to an extent obviously), but we are sticklers about the 1 or 2 phrases that DH and I agree aren't acceptable under our roof.

As you know already OP, your kid's outburst was out of spite b/c she was ticked off , surprised by your refusal to let her wear sunglasses to school, disappointed, etc.
You know your kid best, but in addition to what I typed in the 1st paragraph I tell my kids "sorry, dude, ABC is a no-go especially b/c of XYZ". I think it helps them understand my reasoning (and the logic) as to why I'm not allowing/you can't do ABC and that I'm not saying "no" to something b/c I feel like it, but b/c there is a legitimate reason.

I mean, this would of course make me feel bad - once I stopped laughing inside.

Somehow the fact that it's about wearing sunglasses to school is cracking me up.

Do NOT go on about how she made you so sad blah blah.

1) She is not responsible for your feelings and that is a bad lesson to teach

2) She was TRYING to make you sad, duh. You made her sad and she wanted payback. That is going to encourage the behavior.

“I hear that you are really angry at me right now but that is not an okay way to show me how angry you are. This conversation is over and we can talk about it later.” *walk away*

Anonymous wrote:I would say, "Well, that's not very nice and that hurts my feelings. That makes Mommy feel sad when you say things like that." To try to teach them that their words have consequences and mean something to other people.

Here comes the mommy from the GP forum...

Stop letting her watch Disney movies.

Anonymous wrote:"Wow. You sure do have some very strong feelings about sunglasses. You may not wear them to school. Have a good day."

And then I would talk to her when she was home later. "How do you think you'd feel if someone you loved said they wished YOU were dead? How do you think you made me feel when you said that?"

Ignore or blow it off. She's just trying to get a rise out of you. Don't give her the satisfaction.

"Wow. You sure do have some very strong feelings about sunglasses. You may not wear them to school. Have a good day."

And then I would talk to her when she was home later. "How do you think you'd feel if someone you loved said they wished YOU were dead? How do you think you made me feel when you said that?"