I hope you don’t let this affect your self esteem, because it has nothing to do with you. When I was 23 and “hot”, I had a late-30s bf who was the same way. Always checking out other women, talking about which celebrities he thought were hot, etc. Irony was he couldn’t get it up, ha. He also hated it when I showed any interest in other men. But it really did a number on my self esteem until I realized it had nothing to do with my looks and everything to do with his issues.

Was your DH always like this? Or is it new?

If I were you, I’d grow my hair out, get in fantastic shape, get dolled up daily, and openly flirt with men who show interest in you. Shift some of the power back in your favor.

Oh good Lord! Guy here...ignore the man-hater club here at DCUM.

He's an idiot (or a clueless d--k, as someone above put it so well!). He's slid into a comfort zone where he has no idea how hurtful his guy talk is. You have to speak up for yourself, not making a major case about it, but just in the moment comments. When he says something about an attractive woman, just tell him, "you know, when you say things like that, it really hurts my feelings..." or "that's really not funny at all, and I wish you wouldn't say things like that." Also, talking to women (such as the flight attendant example you gave) is not the same as ogling women or commenting about other women's attractiveness. Don't confuse the two, of make a big deal about every time he socializes with or talks to a woman.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Yes, a red flag but what should I do about it?

Get a divorce! This is unconscionable behavior. No one who truly loved you would do this.

Lol, DCUM lunatics to the rescue! Your DH checks out an attractive female? Divorce him!

In all seriousness, you both are caught up in the doldrums of young kids and trying to still be your precious self. You both have put on weight and probably don’t make the extra effort with each other. Why don’t you change yourself first? If he cared,
I’m sure he will notice that you are working hard, getting in shape,etc

All men his age are attracted to younger women. All of them check out the young girls at the off chance, most are classy enough to keep it to themselves. But your DH is a jerk in saying things to make you feel bad. It's appalling that you have told him as much but he keeps doing it.

It doesn't excuse his boorish behavior but you may want to discuss ramping up the sex to at least weekly and growing your hair back out. Then again, I can see why you wouldn't want to sleep with someone so disrespectful

He’s going to be fired for sexual harassment.

I’d be less concerned with his potential cheating than the fact that he has no boundaries and behaves inappropriately with colleagues. In what universe is it okay for him to comment on coworkers’ looks, out loud? And frequently at that? He’s going to get himself reported for harassment, slapped, or at the very least he’ll be known as a creep and a d**khead.

Anonymous wrote:That’s how most men in their 40s+ think. He’s just too stupid to hide it from you...or he just doesn’t respect you enough to hide it. Who doesn’t want a younger hotter woman (at least for a night)?

Decent men with brain cells?
Great men who are desperately in love with the family they have created?

Anonymous wrote:Gross.

Gross and how often has he been punched in the face or throat? Apparently not enough.0

This behavior is extreme but women have a double standard, as this isn't 100% different from letting your husband know which "I'd hit that Thursday" men you are attracted to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re husband is going to get himself fired.

This.

+2

I am male (with insomia hence the posting time). I notice younger women, but 1) I try to be subtle, and 2) I do not make comments. I think some of it is biological. But, it is a behavior that is not appropriate.

Even though I might enjoy looking at "girls in their summer clothes walking by", the fact that they are wearing them has nothing to do with my pleasure. It has everything to do with their choice. As a mature male, I need to understand that my actions can easily make a woman feel uncomfortable. As such, it is my responsibility to keep the actions appropriate.

The same goes for your husband. He is part of the rape culture.

We are intimatete about every other week or so

That sounds extraordinarily low. Does he initiate more often but you are not interested? This may be a large part of the reason his interest wanders. Why don't you have a direct and honest discussion with him: talk about why he directs so much attention to other women, find out if he is satisfied (especially sexually) with your marriage.

Anonymous wrote:Please, don't get pregnant again. Your marriage has major problems

Agreed.

Anonymous wrote:You’re husband is going to get himself fired.

This.

This is how most men think, but not how most act. Your husband is an idiot. He shouldn't be openly saying the things he says. Is it wrong for him to have fantasies? No. It's a problem when he voices them out t us dear wife. He needs to grow up and lose weight.