Anonymous wrote:I was neither a beneficiary or an executor of my father's will, but I received an official letter indicating that the executor was my mom and where to call (court) if questions or if the will would be contested.

This. It may vary by jurisdiction, but the Probate Court usually requires notification of the next of kin (exactly who is generally spelled out in state statute). The will should be filed with the probate court at some point, and be available for anyone to see (in my experience, the courts put them on line).

Anonymous wrote:OP if you and DH approaching his mother anything close to terming his mother as ‘withholding’ I can see why she’s not sharing any information with you. How does your own will read? Most likely you/your DH have wills that give entirety of your estates to whichever of you isn’t dead. Whether your DH is an only child or one of a dozen-he’s probably not a beneficiary of his fathers will. His mother may also be the executor.

if she’s not sharing and saying it’s impolite it may be that you two are coming off as greedy and entitled

+1

OP, why on earth do you think it is any of your business?

When my dad passed away, it never occurred to me to get involved with his estate. He left everything to my mom. Full stop.

I had to reread this, because I assumed it was the step-mother. This is his mother? Then there may be zero reason for him to be contacted. Depending on the state and their wills, she may just now have full control over all the marital property, like you would if your husband died.

And why are you so sure she doesn't know about the life insurance policy and isn't planning to just keep on paying for it? You know about it, and they were married, so presumably she knows about it, too.

This is a odd post, actually. It reads like you and your husband somehow assume the family "estate" will pass to your husband and his mother will become his dependent. It's not 1890 anymore; women control their own finances, and oldest sons are not entitled to anything upon their fathers' deaths.

You have time. Your DH should be visiting frequently at this time. He will likely find statements and that kind of thing.

Your MIL has a lot of work ahead of her. It's not easy to learn to pay bills at an older age, but she'll do it I'm sure.

It's normal to be worried about how finances will continue to work until everything's settled.

She may not know it now, but she'll need help. Give her some time.

She may not have the death certificate yet to start processing everything. But even if she does, there may not be much of anything to put through probate if they co-owned the house, were both listed on all of the bank accounts, any retirement/investment accounts in his name only had her listed as the designated beneficiary. If there's nothing designated to pass to your DH, your MIL might be feeling really awkward about being grilled about the money because she's afraid you'll be upset when you find out. Even the kids' college fund accounts may be set up to transfer ownership to her rather than your DH upon FIL's death.

Anonymous wrote:
The man died very recently. Your MIL is right that it is impolite to talk about this. She has barely gotten past the funeral. Plus you are the DIL. This is between your husband and his mother. Treat his mother like an adult and stay out of this. I would never get involved with my MIL and my husband's business. Not your business.


True, to a point. I agree the DH needs to be the one having the discussion, and that it is too soon. But to the extent MIL expects them to financially support her (and if there actually is a life insurance policy in OP's DH's name) then it is OP's business for sure.

No, it is not OP's business. It is her husband's business with his mother.

Anonymous wrote:The man died very recently. Your MIL is right that it is impolite to talk about this. She has barely gotten past the funeral. Plus you are the DIL. This is between your husband and his mother. Treat his mother like an adult and stay out of this. I would never get involved with my MIL and my husband's business. Not your business.

True, to a point. I agree the DH needs to be the one having the discussion, and that it is too soon. But to the extent MIL expects them to financially support her (and if there actually is a life insurance policy in OP's DH's name) then it is OP's business for sure.

The man died very recently. Your MIL is right that it is impolite to talk about this. She has barely gotten past the funeral. Plus you are the DIL. This is between your husband and his mother. Treat his mother like an adult and stay out of this. I would never get involved with my MIL and my husband's business. Not your business.

Anonymous wrote:All wills are available online once they are filed. You can just download it and have it literally in seconds.

http://registers.maryland.gov/main/

That's really going to vary based on jurisdiction.

Why would your DH be the beneficiary of any money? Wouldn't it all flow to his wife? When she dies, you get the inheritance.

All wills are available online once they are filed. You can just download it and have it literally in seconds.

http://registers.maryland.gov/main/

OP if you and DH approaching his mother anything close to terming his mother as ‘withholding’ I can see why she’s not sharing any information with you. How does your own will read? Most likely you/your DH have wills that give entirety of your estates to whichever of you isn’t dead. Whether your DH is an only child or one of a dozen-he’s probably not a beneficiary of his fathers will. His mother may also be the executor.

if she’s not sharing and saying it’s impolite it may be that you two are coming off as greedy and entitled

Anonymous wrote:Pay for her to consult with a trusts and estates lawyer.

This. If she is unwilling to let her son help, at least facilitate the involvement of a professional. Maybe a financial manager, too, since she has never handled money before. Of course DH can offer to accompany her to these meetings, but if she declines, still pay for the service.

You should get your own life insurance and if this is cash value or whole life insurance, you should cancel it and get term instead.

My FIL died in August and DH only saw the paperwork a week or two ago. Things can move slowly when someone dies, you have time. Is your DH trying to ask for the information over the phone? That would never have flown with my MIL. DH received the information in person without me being there. The past few months have been rough for my MIL and DH has spent a lot of time helping her out one on one, cleaning out the condo etc.

While DH will not receive anything upon the death of his father he is taking over as trustee of the family trust because my MIL does not want to handle the money/taxes. That is his only role.

It is pretty standard to have everything pass to the surviving spouse in a long-term marriage so it would be unlikely for OP's DH to receive anything, or to have to pay taxes, although the deceased will probably owe taxes.