Anonymous
11/12/2018 11:27
Subject: Is this cheating? What do I do? (Found computer history on DH’a computer)
How does it make you feel, and how do you feel about him and the situation? How do you want your life to look? Start there.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 10:52
Subject: Is this cheating? What do I do? (Found computer history on DH’a computer)
Op here - I don’t know how to confirm if this happened or not; there is another business trip coming up and I guess I want to get my ducks in order either way.
I also feel like it is not normal to do this.
I am going to start getting involved more in my church and spiritual self-care; I need to fortify myself for whatever comes next; the truth will come out... and I’d rather know the truth than live in denial.
I also feel like it is not normal to do this.
I am going to start getting involved more in my church and spiritual self-care; I need to fortify myself for whatever comes next; the truth will come out... and I’d rather know the truth than live in denial.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 10:36
Subject: Is this cheating? What do I do? (Found computer history on DH’a computer)
DH and I would both consider that cheating. And I for one would be more disturbed that he want to a sex worker vs meeting someone on Tinder.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 10:33
Subject: Is this cheating? What do I do? (Found computer history on DH’a computer)
This is the lowest form of cheating. You have done nothing to make him cheat. You and your child deserve better. I’m sorry you are going through so much, but please find your strength and leave. He is a serial cheater and won’t change.
Anonymous wrote:On an iintuition that something off, I went on DH’a browser history and found work trip night where he googled happy ending massages on various sites, then google map record tracking how to get there from
His hotel address to one of the happy ending parlors. Later, porn sites. My DH has been deleting his browser history over past year after an incident in which I came across a happy ending massage website in VA area and called him out on it, and he’d said a friend had sent him the link and not his fault he clicked on it by accident.
We have a baby. I love intimacy and have initiated over the past months but DH never does, and seems distracted ....
Is a happy ending massage “cheating”?
I am not going to call him out on it but filing it away for now.
I have been faithful.
He is traveling a lot for work and I generally have trusted him.
Advice from others who have been there?
I have not “let myself go” am in pre-pregnancy weigh and think I look good, have been working too at job....
I’m not sure his going on these websites is more a reflection of me, and more one of him....
Advice? Is this “cheating””? Is this something most guys do? What do I do next?
I’m weirdly not devastated as he was caught in a emotional affair two years ago and have already gone through all that.... I’m practically trying to just keep my act together right and and decide later why to do once I’m well-rested and baby is at least in school....
Anonymous
11/12/2018 10:07
Subject: Is this cheating? What do I do? (Found computer history on DH’a computer)
Anonymous wrote:Op here-oh god I want to throw up reading the trafficking f post you are so right that is terrible
It is terrible. And know that if you chicken out and say nothing and he continues to abuse women and children in this way, that you are complicit.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 09:22
Subject: Is this cheating? What do I do? (Found computer history on DH’a computer)
Anonymous wrote:Not only is he cheating, but he's taking advantage of an impoverished, disadvantaged woman.
Consensual sex cheating between two adults is bad enough; your husband is perpetuating a sytem that not only harms and victimizes women, but CHILDREN, too. I find this to be 500X more despicable than two consenting adults.
The type of ILLEGAL "service" he used is deeply enmeshed with human trafficking. Think about that when you look at your baby.
+1. He's providing the demand for the supply and demand of human trafficking, child prostitution, kidnap, rape, and the degradation of women ***and children.*** Not just girls, either; boys are bought and sold and end up as sex workers, too.
I would consider staying for someone who cheated with another consenting adult.
Your husband is the lowest of the low and I would leave him INSTANTLY.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 09:06
Subject: Is this cheating? What do I do? (Found computer history on DH’a computer)
My ex fiance admitted to doing this a few times. He lived in NYC and apparently on Wall Street this is quite common among men. His boss/colleagues/friends did it. We were “long” distance and things were not going well in general so I broke off the engagement. I don’t think it’sbthe Same as cheating in my mind because the woman is not getting any pleasure out of it... it does show however a certain type of mentality that I would not want around my child were men think it’s ok to pay for sexual favors.
Also, it seems to me that on top of that your husband had emotional affairs and does not initiate anything with you. Sorry I would not stay
Also, it seems to me that on top of that your husband had emotional affairs and does not initiate anything with you. Sorry I would not stay
Anonymous
11/12/2018 09:02
Subject: Is this cheating? What do I do? (Found computer history on DH’a computer)
Why did you get pregnant?
Anonymous
11/12/2018 08:57
Subject: Is this cheating? What do I do? (Found computer history on DH’a computer)
He could be giving you an STD. How do you know it’s only a “happy ending” aka hand job? I would be concerned that his escapades escalate to real intercourse. That puts OP at risk of STDs.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 08:36
Subject: Is this cheating? What do I do? (Found computer history on DH’a computer)
He cheated on you before the baby and you still stayes?
Anonymous
11/12/2018 08:31
Subject: Is this cheating? What do I do? (Found computer history on DH’a computer)
Anonymous wrote:
In my opinion a happy ending is less serious than an affair
I believe the happy ending massage is still cheating, and as part of the "sex for money" genre it is far grosser and exploitative than an affair in my mind. I suppose if the sex worker & exploitation aspect of it doesn't put you over the edge it could possibly be less dangerous to a marriage because there are no shared emotions between sex worker and client. It was "just" sex.
However, if my DH were to cheat I'd prefer that he had an affair with an equal, and not be exploiting women. It would be far worse to realize he could exploit women that way. An affair combines emotions, sex, discontent, and bad coping mechanisms, but at least he'd be partaking with a willing partner.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 08:28
Subject: Is this cheating? What do I do? (Found computer history on DH’a computer)
Time to leave. He is a serial cheater and also a "John" now misusing young women
Anonymous
11/12/2018 08:25
Subject: Is this cheating? What do I do? (Found computer history on DH’a computer)
I'm so sorry OP this sounds really difficult - from someone who's xDH left after having an EA. What was the outcome of that discovery? I'm assuming if it was years ago you've worked really hard at putting the marriage back together. Do you feel like he was really committed to that effort? Either way, so disheartening to find out that he's likely now engaging in a physical affair (and yes, I would agree that this is cheating).
In terms of immediate actions, I would try to confirm (somehow, if you can), that he actually followed through with the massage thing. From there, get your ducks in a row, and honestly, I would start preparing to leave. I'm sorry to say that as I really tried to stick it out with my first marriage, but you don't deserve to go through this again, and honestly, it's better to be alone and not living with the betrayal of this. For me it was just so devastating. Good luck to you!
In terms of immediate actions, I would try to confirm (somehow, if you can), that he actually followed through with the massage thing. From there, get your ducks in a row, and honestly, I would start preparing to leave. I'm sorry to say that as I really tried to stick it out with my first marriage, but you don't deserve to go through this again, and honestly, it's better to be alone and not living with the betrayal of this. For me it was just so devastating. Good luck to you!
Anonymous
11/12/2018 08:15
Subject: Re:Is this cheating? What do I do? (Found computer history on DH’a computer)
How long was the emotional affair?
He enjoyed that affair and is filling the void of it being over. However the difference between the two (as others have pointed out) is huge.
Not sure whether confronting him at this point is the right thing to do as he may just get better at hiding things from you. Sorry, OP.
He enjoyed that affair and is filling the void of it being over. However the difference between the two (as others have pointed out) is huge.
Not sure whether confronting him at this point is the right thing to do as he may just get better at hiding things from you. Sorry, OP.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 08:14
Subject: Is this cheating? What do I do? (Found computer history on DH’a computer)
I'm also reading about this
https://polarisproject.org/blog/2018/06/01/human-trafficking-massage-parlors-deeply-manipulated-sense-choice
https://polarisproject.org/blog/2018/06/01/human-trafficking-massage-parlors-deeply-manipulated-sense-choice