Anonymous wrote:This is why people hire cleaning services or maids.

This will only partially help. They don't clean up after you. It does take away some of resentment, though.

I think you rushed into marriage. Did you not sleep over at his place before you married? Spent time together or go on vacations? Seems strange that this is something new.

Don't have kids before you fix this. If you can't fix it and you don't love him enough to put up with it, leave/divorce. I know people will say it's dumb to divorce over something like this, but it is way better than divorcing years later with kids in the picture.

This is why people hire cleaning services or maids.

As a messy person...

1)sometimes I literally do not see the mess. Does he have bad eyesight? Getting a vacuum that had a light on it opened my eyes to just how much stuff accumulated on the floor that I didn’t see (or feel when walking) and I started vacuuming daily.

2) adhd is a serious consideration. There is a lot of clutter I CAN se but I feel overwhelmed with how to start cleaning it. I usually get motivated when SO starts cleaning with me or you could make some kind of list or chart to say who’s responsibility isnwho’s And in which day (sounds juvenile but wouldn’t you rather have a clean house?)

This could have been my previous or current marriage turns out guys don't always notice the stuff that bothers us. Hire a biweekly maid and then there will be less nagging and work you too. Saved my sanity.

Anonymous wrote:4 sessions with a counselor. He needs to understand that for you this is a sign of respect or lack thereof. He doesn't care it's messy and he can't really understand why it's so important for you. You might also use the time to touch on other expectations, re kids and responsibilities here on out. Give him a chance to change but not from nagging. He needs to grasp that this is, for you, like sex might be for him:validation, respect, responding to needs.

And OP sabatoged herself by not having these conversations and ironing about problems before the wedding.

Medicate his ADHD and you'll be fine, OP.

Seriously. This is typical ADHD behavior. Both my husband and my son are way worse than this - they are also habitually late and forget to file important paperwork (like taxes!) on time, unless they take their meds.

4 sessions with a counselor. He needs to understand that for you this is a sign of respect or lack thereof. He doesn't care it's messy and he can't really understand why it's so important for you. You might also use the time to touch on other expectations, re kids and responsibilities here on out. Give him a chance to change but not from nagging. He needs to grasp that this is, for you, like sex might be for him:validation, respect, responding to needs.

Grow up.

I would talk to him. Tell him you can’t live with the mess and you can’t be a nagging wife. Ask him for suggestions to improve the situation that don’t involve you doing all the cleaning or nagging.

Annulment.

Nagging is very counter productive. Few spouses have been motivated to change by being nagged.

Anonymous wrote:How did you not know he was like this before marriage? And you want out after 2 months of laziness? That’s insane. Do you even love him?

OP here. I wasn't being serious. It is just so so so frustrating to keep nagging him. I don't want to nag! But I also am sick of living in a mess!

How did you not know he was like this before marriage? And you want out after 2 months of laziness? That’s insane. Do you even love him?