Anonymous wrote:Did you gain weight?

Yes, she put on 5 lbs. Must have been the mojito she downed on the long walk from the front door to bar stool.

Bars dont have to be about going home with someone. Sometimes they can be about a conversation and, if it goes well, a phone number. I'm not talking about meat market bars. I'm talking about higher end bars where a divorced/single guy might grab dinner and catch a game on tv with company because he is tired of being alone. The best method is likely all of the above. If you are ready to date, bait up all the hooks you can and get them in the water.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who does that anymore? You look lonely and pathetic. Go online, you should be meeting up at a bar.

Real nice comment to someone whose putting themselves back out there and trying. Maybe she doesn't want to go online. You, on the other hand, could take some time off from being online if these are the types of contributions you're putting out there.

PP is right though, maybe a little harsh. She needs to get out of the bars. At least online she can screen them before she meets for a coffee date.

Anonymous wrote:Are you trying to "meet a man" or just get laid? And how is this "not easy"?

This.

OP, what are you looking for? Companionship or sex? If it's sex, sitting at a bar alone and being open to anyone who comes up will get you there. Or heck, start up conversation with a guy who's at the bar by himself.

Nothing wrong with going to a bar to hang out. Lots of GREAT bars out there that don't fit the stereotypical image of a bar.

Reach out by email or text to old, divorced friends and acquaintances of the opposite sex (if you are heterosexual) or the same sex (if you are gay or lesbian) -- eve if it has been years -- under the pretense that you were thinking of them for one reason or another. Eventually, you can get around to mentioning that you are separated or divorced, and ask for their advice in navigating this difficult time. Put yourself out there, engage in outreach, even if you are not sexually or romantically interested in the old friend or acquaintance you are contacting. It will give you practice engaging with the opposite sex again, and put you on the radar of people you already have something in common with, as well as their group of friends.

This is OP. I appreciate the advice given here, especially PP. You put that nicely with the whole vulnerability of being out there etc. And I agree, considering effort and result, OLD is the way to go.

However, I had some fun talks with guys last night and it was really nice on a human level. I am just trying to meet many men in many different settings to figure out what I want.

I think previous posters are onto a good point: it depends on what you're looking for. If you're looking for companionship, just going to a bar and hoping you meet someone is not the best strategy. Many of the charming guys you meet will be married. If you're looking for sex, that's something else.

Online is how most 40yo guys will expect to meet. I'd urge you to think about what you want and go for that rather than focus on the vulnerability of being on the market. For single or divorced guys, having to put yourself out there is the norm. It's only women that have the luxury of waiting for guys to approach them. (I'm not saying that is smart, just that women can do that if they want. Guys virtually never have that option, absent a lot of money or cheekbones to die for, and even then who knows.) I think if you understand that you're in a new phase of your life and approach it with an open mind, you'll be fine. You may have to suffer through some bad dates, but that's life.


I say all this as a divorced 40yo guy who has faced his fair share of rejection in the past. It just is what it is. After my divorce, I went out with a lot of women. Most of which (90%) didn't work out for one reason or another. But ultimately I got lucky and found a real gem. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep her in my life.

Online dating for women:

3,000 men respond to your ad
2,998 of them are creeps

Online dating for men:
You spam 3,000 women with responses to their ad
2,900 of them don't respond at all or string you along for a while then ghost you
98 of them agree to meet, and then you find out they were lying about their weight, age, or marital status, or posted a phony photo