I think it would be the greatest gift you could give them. I just cried reading your post. During my last round of IVF, I was told that, if it didn't work, we'd have to go the GC route. I was so anxious and devastated. My best friend (who is like a sister to me), offered to be a GC for us and it meant the world to me. Luckily, my last IVF attempt worked, but if it had not, It was incredibly reassuring to know that I had another option.

Do not do this. What if something happens to you during pregnancy and your children are left without a mother. Repeat. DO NOT DO THIS.

Anonymous wrote:Normally the parents cut off contact with the gestational carrier.
Your relationship with them will not be the same. It does not always end well. You will always wonder about that baby.
And what if they divorce

Based on what? PP who had twins via GC - we are in touch & I know about a dozen families who have had kids via GC (having gone through this & getting put in touch with others etc) - and I don't know a single one who 'cut off contact' with a GC - they may not be particularly close, but often just sent a picture once a year or something as time goes by - but nothing 'dramatic' like this poster says. I am grateful to our GC who literally helped us have our little miracles. It's not like in the movies of the week or when surrogates were having up their own bio children.

Normally the parents cut off contact with the gestational carrier.
Your relationship with them will not be the same. It does not always end well. You will always wonder about that baby.
And what if they divorce

I had twins via a GC. If you said something along the lines of knowing they've been through a lot, and if they were thinking through their options, please know I (you) would be willing to serve as a GC if that was something they were considering. That way you acknowledge you don't know all their issues but you are making the thoughtful offer without being too "intrusive" of expecting them to tell you all their details. I'm not sure I would've at the time taken either of my sisters-in-law up on it, but I would've been touched by the offer (I had one say they wish they had offered after the fact in a heartfelt way & I was touched by that even - and now being on the other side of the situation, I think it would have been 'fine' and actually be a good/ok situation). It's one of those situations where there is no playbook & no one really expects to ever be in. We have a lovely relationship with our GC who I consider like family now.

Anonymous wrote:This is an amazing offer and you should certainly raise the possibility with them.

It might open up another possibility they may not have considered due to cost -- that they could use an egg donor, the husband's sperm, and you as the GC.

I asked my sister for a donor egg and she said no, by the way. We used DE via an agency, and a GC via another agency, and have an amazing LO that we love to pieces, so it all worked out in the end. But that was expensive as heck.

Wow - as someone who would do pretty much anything for my sister that just confused me. DId she give you any reason? Did it affect your relationship?

This is an amazing offer and you should certainly raise the possibility with them.

It might open up another possibility they may not have considered due to cost -- that they could use an egg donor, the husband's sperm, and you as the GC.

I asked my sister for a donor egg and she said no, by the way. We used DE via an agency, and a GC via another agency, and have an amazing LO that we love to pieces, so it all worked out in the end. But that was expensive as heck.

I also had many losses in my late 20s-early 30s and my sister offered to carry for us. It was such a relief to me to know if our last treatment option did not work we had that in our back pocket. Luckily we ended up being successful but I'm forever grateful to my sister for offering. She is truly a wonderful person I am so lucky to have her.

Anonymous wrote:I would be thrilled.

Several months ago my sister offered to be an egg donor for me and I said no. I regret it and wish there was an easy way for me to ask again.

(Not OP) You can / should totally ask her! Just say hey I've been meaning to talk to you...I completely understand if not, but does your (v generous) offer still stand? Of course you should bring it up, IMO!

You are an angel.
I would be thrilled because I would know that my baby is being carried by someone who cares and by someone close to me.
My baby would always have a wonderful angel who carried him/her in their life.
It's truly a great situation.

A cousin of a dear family friend did it for the couple (the woman was infertile and couldn't carry kids). they are incredibly thankful. You should offer. Adoption is hard as I know from this same couple that have tried to adopt a second with no baby after thousands of dollars spent.

I would be thrilled.

Several months ago my sister offered to be an egg donor for me and I said no. I regret it and wish there was an easy way for me to ask again.

Anonymous wrote:Do you have reason to believe that a gc would solve their issues? Maybe you should offer to donate eggs instead?

Honestly, who knows? We haven’t had a ton of detailed conversations about everything they’ve tried. SIL has been pregnant on at least one other occasion, which was tragically unsuccessful for an unrelated random medical emergency. My instinct is that if they wanted to try egg donation they’d go through an agency, especially since I’m not genetically related to either of them - I think it would be too weird. I would have no problem being an incubator to bring their own biological child into the world, one that I would know rationally and emotionally has nothing to do with me.

Anonymous wrote:I would feel highly uncomfortable. But, that's just me.

Thanks for your honesty. I suspect they would too, but I’m leaning towards offering anyway, just so they know.