I am surprised by friends who are divorcing. This has happened all of a sudden this year. I am mid-40s.

When my oldest hit 6th grade several of his not-so-close friends divorced. The first one I was shocked (ran into the wife at school, who told me), the second had a younger sibling who is close with our second child and they told us directly, and the third I heard about from someone else and was thrown for a loop. All 3 within the first few months of 6th grade. I remember checking in with my DH and making sure we were ok and I wasn't taking him for granted. He laughed! Married 20+ years, 3 kids, no plans for divorce

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school aged? It’s classic. I have been separated since 2015, no one but my close friends know.

How?

If you aren't living together, don't people notice?

Also, fwiw, kids talk. That's how I know about the latest one. So don't be sure people don't know...especially if your kids know. Chances are they have told their friends.

I have a son...they don’t talk. Girls...definitely talk. We attend events together, DH traveled often before and people easily buy the excuse he is “away”.

I remember a boy in 7th grade telling me his parents were getting divorced. We weren’t close friends and I had no idea how to respond so I was like “um, ok”. In retrospect he probably wanted to get it off his chest and not keep it a secret.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school aged? It’s classic. I have been separated since 2015, no one but my close friends know.

How?

If you aren't living together, don't people notice?

Also, fwiw, kids talk. That's how I know about the latest one. So don't be sure people don't know...especially if your kids know. Chances are they have told their friends.

I have a son...they don’t talk. Girls...definitely talk. We attend events together, DH traveled often before and people easily buy the excuse he is “away”.

You don't think neighbors and others notice? there is no way you have been separated 4 years and no one knows.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given how hard marriage is, no, I'm not surprised.

I hat that argument, marriage is as hard as you make it.

Really? I was married to a doctor who had a DWI and did jail time. He still thought he was god. Should I have stayed with him? You know nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given how hard marriage is, no, I'm not surprised.

I hat that argument, marriage is as hard as you make it.

PP you replied to. Sure, if one person in the marriage is a doormat, then that will work just fine.

No, marriage is hard work. When there are mental health disorders, health issues, job losses, it's even harder. We've had all three.

Where are you, OP?

Hardly any divorces in our McLean pyramid.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little shocked at the wave of divorces that happened around 32-33, no kids. All college educated, not quick marriages, married around 27-30. Low risk group, but there were a surprising number of them.

+1 Same - but many of those couples I thought were dumb matches to start out with.

They’ve got unions floundering despite being DINKS who are under no real stress.

I have found that a lot of these marriages were inertia marriages. They were together forever, made the dumb decision to cohabitate too early, which led to overly integrating each other into the others life, despite obvious incompatibilities. Cohabitation is rarely used as the period of discernment that people claim it is going to be. It’s usually just a couple of poorly matched people who get further and further involved.

Nope... 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school aged? It’s classic. I have been separated since 2015, no one but my close friends know.

How?

If you aren't living together, don't people notice?

Also, fwiw, kids talk. That's how I know about the latest one. So don't be sure people don't know...especially if your kids know. Chances are they have told their friends.

I have a son...they don’t talk. Girls...definitely talk. We attend events together, DH traveled often before and people easily buy the excuse he is “away”.

Boys talk.

Look...mine did not even know his close friend’s Dad had visitation rights revoked for the last six months.

Anonymous wrote:Agree that kids may or may not talk. One of my sons closest friends didn’t tell any of the kids at school for a year.

That's sad.

I suppose it underscores how painful, confusing and shameful it feels for kids when their parents split.

I'm a little shocked at the wave of divorces that happened around 32-33, no kids. All college educated, not quick marriages, married around 27-30. Low risk group, but there were a surprising number of them.

Agree that kids may or may not talk. One of my sons closest friends didn’t tell any of the kids at school for a year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school aged? It’s classic. I have been separated since 2015, no one but my close friends know.

How?

If you aren't living together, don't people notice?

Also, fwiw, kids talk. That's how I know about the latest one. So don't be sure people don't know...especially if your kids know. Chances are they have told their friends.

I have a son...they don’t talk. Girls...definitely talk. We attend events together, DH traveled often before and people easily buy the excuse he is “away”.

Boys talk.

If I had to guess, I'd say a lot more people would be divorcing if it cheaper to have separate households. I think a lot of people hang on too long simply because they can't afford to make a change.