Anonymous wrote:Two different things. You're welcome to come means "I don't really care if you come or not, but you (a peon) can join me (a big shot)."
I want you to come means "I like you and really want to spend time with you."

+1. This is what I hear, too. However, if I SAY "you're welcome to come," I actually mean "that'd be great if you could come, but no pressure." Yeah, it's illogical.

PP saying the terms are synonymous. After more thought, I am cognizant of perceptions on whether I can seem aggressive or demanding. I don’t mind being either in the right circumstance, but usually reserve saying “want” for things that are critical, and rarely do I tie my desire to the action of another person by default.

For example:

I want Korean BBQ for dinner. Wanna join?
I want to leave NLT 6:30p tonight. Will that work for you?
We are going out for drinks. Can you join us?
My daughter is having a tea party. We would love for you and the girls to join.
I’ll be at home all day, you’re welcome to visit anytime.

I prefer expressing desire without saying the more assertive “I want you” unless I have an authoritative option to following through without that person’s willingness I f my desire isn’t met.

For example:

I want you manning the phone lines.
I want you to be my maid of honor.
I want you to brush your teeth and wash your face after you finish coloring.
I want you to help me find an investment property under $150k..
I want to leave this hell hole right now.
I want 30 minutes of peace and quiet.


That’s just me.

Anonymous wrote:NP. This is a good thread. I always thought "you're welcome to come" was a lukewarm invitation. I never realized people might mean "I want you to come but don't want you to feel pressured to say yes." Thanks, DCUM!

Yes.

It is not a lukewarm invitation. It is a we'd love to have you but no pressure to come.

As in:

We are heading out for coffee then to the dog park. You are welcome to join us (unspoken even though you don't have dogs, you are a lot of fun and you could hang out with us and gab, but we don't want to pressure you if you really hate dogs.)

We are having a group over to watch the game. You are welcome to join us (unspoken but if you hate football or are wiped out from running after your two year old, feel free to bow out).

NP. This is a good thread. I always thought "you're welcome to come" was a lukewarm invitation. I never realized people might mean "I want you to come but don't want you to feel pressured to say yes." Thanks, DCUM!

For me, if I welcome you, then I want you. So the two terms are synonymous.

08:35 here. I also notice it’s used more when something is going on and I wasn’t directly invited. Like a party with mutual friends, etc...

I always feel uninvited by “you’re welcome to come” as if I’m a third wheel. It seems more “I’d rather you didn’t but you’re welcome to come.”

You're welcome to come is something I say when I would like them to come but I don't need them to or don't want to impose

Like how I invite people when I'm talking about an event they are welcome to but probably won't attend, such as a football tailgate for my friends who don't care about sports

It's mostly saving myself from the rejection when I say welcome to attend vs really want you to

At least it’s not “you can come if you want to.”

I tend to over think this, op. Usually when someone says "You're welcome to come," I feel like they don't want me to come. It drives me crazy, and I'm pretty sure I've turned down invitations because they were worded that way

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I often say "you are welcome to come" over "I want you to come"

We throw a lot of parties, so I feel like there is less pressure with the phrase "to are welcome to come."

For me "you are welcome" means "I'd love to see you but no pressure."

Yes!

Exactly.

As in "We are pulling out the firepit tonight. You are welcome to join us"

That is much preferable to "We are pulling out the firepit tonight. We want you to come over"

The first one puts the guest into a place where they can think "Hey, the Smiths invited us over. Care to drop in for a beer and smores?" While the 2nd one puts you in a place where "Ugh, we have to go over to the Smith's tonight."

Low pressure vs pressure to show ip.

Anonymous wrote:Is it just me or are these totally different things?

This should be in the Explicit section.

Two different things. You're welcome to come means "I don't really care if you come or not, but you (a peon) can join me (a big shot)."
I want you to come means "I like you and really want to spend time with you."

Anonymous wrote:I often say "you are welcome to come" over "I want you to come"

We throw a lot of parties, so I feel like there is less pressure with the phrase "to are welcome to come."

For me "you are welcome" means "I'd love to see you but no pressure."

If I say it, they are interchangeable. Please don’t obsess about language like this.