Anonymous wrote:My husband - whom I love - sometimes forgets to lock our front door. He forgets to do it when he goes out, he forgets to do it at night. (He goes to bed after I do, most nights.) He used to forget to lock the door a lot - after many arguments, it's less often. But he gets so f*cking defensive about it when it happens - and basically just says: well, sorry, but it's going to happen every now and then. Deal with it.

Knock wood a million times, we haven't experienced any negative repercussions so far, other than me getting very stressed out and angry and us having a fight. We live in a pretty safe area (again, knock wood a million times).

We aren't having a marital crisis over this. We aren't going to divorce. It is in some ways emblematic of other issues - I think he's needlessly reckless about certain things; he thinks I get angry with him too much - but we have a good marriage.

I don't know what my question is exactly. I guess - have you figured out either a behavioral or technological trick that gets a spouse who doesn't lock the door to do it? And/or how upset would you be in this situation? I'm not crazy to feel upset about this, am I?

And no I won't give you our address.

Anonymous wrote:Um, why aren't you both locking your doors as soon as you get home?

Our neighbors never locked their doors except for right before bed, and they go to bed late. An autistic neighbor teen who was very agitated walked into their home and wouldn't leave. It wasn't such a huge deal, because they knew the parents, etc., but it was preventable. Lock your doors!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband - whom I love - sometimes forgets to lock our front door. He forgets to do it when he goes out, he forgets to do it at night. (He goes to bed after I do, most nights.) He used to forget to lock the door a lot - after many arguments, it's less often. But he gets so f*cking defensive about it when it happens - and basically just says: well, sorry, but it's going to happen every now and then. Deal with it.

Knock wood a million times, we haven't experienced any negative repercussions so far, other than me getting very stressed out and angry and us having a fight. We live in a pretty safe area (again, knock wood a million times).

We aren't having a marital crisis over this. We aren't going to divorce. It is in some ways emblematic of other issues - I think he's needlessly reckless about certain things; he thinks I get angry with him too much - but we have a good marriage.

I don't know what my question is exactly. I guess - have you figured out either a behavioral or technological trick that gets a spouse who doesn't lock the door to do it? And/or how upset would you be in this situation? I'm not crazy to feel upset about this, am I?

And no I won't give you our address.

I find it hard to believe this is the only thing he chronically forgets to do.

A) You should check before you go to bed.
B) You should put notes up all over your house where he can read them and do it.
C) If this is a pattern or involves him forgetting other things he agreed to do, or him writing off "details, details, who cares" consider counseling with an ADHD Inattentive specialist.

Hi - I do check before I go to bed, but he walks the dog before he comes to bed so he is the last line of defense here. I guess I could wake up and check the door again after he comes home, but - I don't know. I would rather not. If I get up to pee or something I do check. I really enjoy going to bed early-ish, though!

I think he will ignore notes/stop seeing them. I think one of those smart locks that's being recommended might work better. That way he doesn't have to *do* anything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband - whom I love - sometimes forgets to lock our front door. He forgets to do it when he goes out, he forgets to do it at night. (He goes to bed after I do, most nights.) He used to forget to lock the door a lot - after many arguments, it's less often. But he gets so f*cking defensive about it when it happens - and basically just says: well, sorry, but it's going to happen every now and then. Deal with it.

Knock wood a million times, we haven't experienced any negative repercussions so far, other than me getting very stressed out and angry and us having a fight. We live in a pretty safe area (again, knock wood a million times).

We aren't having a marital crisis over this. We aren't going to divorce. It is in some ways emblematic of other issues - I think he's needlessly reckless about certain things; he thinks I get angry with him too much - but we have a good marriage.

I don't know what my question is exactly. I guess - have you figured out either a behavioral or technological trick that gets a spouse who doesn't lock the door to do it? And/or how upset would you be in this situation? I'm not crazy to feel upset about this, am I?

And no I won't give you our address.

I find it hard to believe this is the only thing he chronically forgets to do.

A) You should check before you go to bed.
B) You should put notes up all over your house where he can read them and do it.
C) If this is a pattern or involves him forgetting other things he agreed to do, or him writing off "details, details, who cares" consider counseling with an ADHD Inattentive specialist.

Anonymous wrote:My husband - whom I love - sometimes forgets to lock our front door. He forgets to do it when he goes out, he forgets to do it at night. (He goes to bed after I do, most nights.) He used to forget to lock the door a lot - after many arguments, it's less often. But he gets so f*cking defensive about it when it happens - and basically just says: well, sorry, but it's going to happen every now and then. Deal with it.

Knock wood a million times, we haven't experienced any negative repercussions so far, other than me getting very stressed out and angry and us having a fight. We live in a pretty safe area (again, knock wood a million times).

We aren't having a marital crisis over this. We aren't going to divorce. It is in some ways emblematic of other issues - I think he's needlessly reckless about certain things; he thinks I get angry with him too much - but we have a good marriage.

I don't know what my question is exactly. I guess - have you figured out either a behavioral or technological trick that gets a spouse who doesn't lock the door to do it? And/or how upset would you be in this situation? I'm not crazy to feel upset about this, am I?

And no I won't give you our address.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One way to solve this would be to get those knobs that auto-lock. It'll close money but solve a problem.

This. Better yet, one of the digital locks. That way, it auto-locks AND he can't lock himself out.

Anonymous wrote:I'm laughing because I'm your husband and my husband gets so frustrated. He's rabid about the locks, it drives me crazy. He might lock the door if I'm getting the mail or putting out the trash cans. I had to break him of the habit of locking the car that is in the garage and then the door leading from the house to the garage.

Anonymous wrote:I'm laughing because I'm your husband and my husband gets so frustrated. He's rabid about the locks, it drives me crazy. He might lock the door if I'm getting the mail or putting out the trash cans. I had to break him of the habit of locking the car that is in the garage and then the door leading from the house to the garage.

I do think your locking at night before bed should do the trick. Or if he has a regular bedtime maybe a nightly phone reminder for him.

I just can't imagine that someone is testing all the locks to people's houses at night in order to break in. I can see someone doing that to break into a car in a lot or even during the day on the assumption that people are at work.

Anonymous wrote:One way to solve this would be to get those knobs that auto-lock. It'll close money but solve a problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the father and man of the house, it is most certainly HIS obligation to secure house to protect his family. Can't believe he blows it off like that.

I think men experience the world differently than women and, therefore, have a different perception of what safety means. If I were op, I'd pull my @ss out of bed after dh is in for the night and go round and lock the house up. She can't be sleeping that soundly with his late night gallivanting anyhow.