U12 rec soccer...my son couldn't make the game last weekend as we were going out of town. We let the coach know in advance. As a result, the coach didn't allow him to practice prior to the game. My son just kicked the ball around on the side while the others scrimmaged. WTF?

we had a rec game last week where the other team was flagrantly fouling our girls - pushing, elbowing and kicking them on the shins above their shin guards. Their coach was ignoring it and the (teen) ref wasn't seeing it, but our girls were complaining about it every time they left the field. one girl was pushed so hard in the back that her head snapped back on impact. Our girls are used to things getting a little rough and they're not complainers; this was unusual.

I'm really glad we won that one. There's no call for that kind of behavior, especially in U11 rec.

We also had one game in kindergarten (!!) rec - maybe our 4th game into the 1st season most of these kids had ever played. A mother from the other team came up to my husband (not the coach) and started yelling at him because our kids were going out of bounds and continuing to play. He said, "they're 5. We will keep working on that in practice." She kept yelling at him. K rec games don't even keep score, and only have parent refs. So silly.

Anonymous wrote:Our league unofficially keeps score and lets the other team add a player if there's too big a gap. The person keeping time keeps track. No one else is supposed to keep score. That didn't stop one of the parents on our team from arguing with a six year old player from the other team about what the score was. It was horrible, they were shouting at each other. After she was dragged away from the kid she congratulated all the players on our team for crushing the other team. I felt so bad for her kid. I don't know what is wrong with people.

Adding a player to the weaker team is a great way to do it. More game time for the weaker team, more challenge for the stronger team. I don't see the harm in keeping score. It is a sport where someone can win or lose after all, but some of the behaviors described on this thread are beyond ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are so many parents hung up on winning?

The MSI rec level is supposed to be where beginners are welcome and soccer is fun.

The parents can wreck the fun.

If the kids are getting exercise, improving their play and having fun outside, and the committed coach is working for free, and you are paying a pittance, why make life unpleasant for the coach and make your kids feel bad about themselves?

I couldn't have said it any better. It doesn't get better as they get older..in fact I think it gets worse. My 13yr old DS plays on a rec team with a coach that is obsessed with winning. To his credit, he doesn't hide it and said the team winning takes priority over any individual (meaning the less skilled players may not even get to play). My son's friends play on that team and he wants to be with them so we are stuck for now. Needless to say, I had to speak to the commissioner because he was, in fact, breaking the SFL rules regarding playing time. It's a bit better now but when the kids make a mistake the coaches go nuts and beat them down for making mistakes. Kids are in tears afterwards...as I write this I am not sure why we go back for more torture.

end vent

Funny. Yes, that's not allowed in our rec league. Everyone must be allowed to play at least half the game.
In my case, I'm the coach and it's the parents, or more accurately just one or two parents, who are obsessed with winning. No one else is much bothered by the score. The girls say they care if they play well and have fun, which is what we're going for.

Well not allowed but also not enforced, its a rec league...little to no supervision. You have to say something, then the parent becomes the bad guy. Coach has since stopped speaking to me because I brought it to the commissioner's attention. I followed the rule and spoke to him first but he told me "Team First"...literally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are so many parents hung up on winning?

The MSI rec level is supposed to be where beginners are welcome and soccer is fun.

The parents can wreck the fun.

If the kids are getting exercise, improving their play and having fun outside, and the committed coach is working for free, and you are paying a pittance, why make life unpleasant for the coach and make your kids feel bad about themselves?

I couldn't have said it any better. It doesn't get better as they get older..in fact I think it gets worse. My 13yr old DS plays on a rec team with a coach that is obsessed with winning. To his credit, he doesn't hide it and said the team winning takes priority over any individual (meaning the less skilled players may not even get to play). My son's friends play on that team and he wants to be with them so we are stuck for now. Needless to say, I had to speak to the commissioner because he was, in fact, breaking the SFL rules regarding playing time. It's a bit better now but when the kids make a mistake the coaches go nuts and beat them down for making mistakes. Kids are in tears afterwards...as I write this I am not sure why we go back for more torture.

end vent

Dad coached nirvana!! But they’re not assholes, nope - they’re great guys.

There's been a proliferation of "pro" coaches over the last 20-30 years, but you certainly wouldn't know it by what we see on the field. For the majority of travel coaches, the money isn't worth their time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are so many parents hung up on winning?

The MSI rec level is supposed to be where beginners are welcome and soccer is fun.

The parents can wreck the fun.

If the kids are getting exercise, improving their play and having fun outside, and the committed coach is working for free, and you are paying a pittance, why make life unpleasant for the coach and make your kids feel bad about themselves?

I couldn't have said it any better. It doesn't get better as they get older..in fact I think it gets worse. My 13yr old DS plays on a rec team with a coach that is obsessed with winning. To his credit, he doesn't hide it and said the team winning takes priority over any individual (meaning the less skilled players may not even get to play). My son's friends play on that team and he wants to be with them so we are stuck for now. Needless to say, I had to speak to the commissioner because he was, in fact, breaking the SFL rules regarding playing time. It's a bit better now but when the kids make a mistake the coaches go nuts and beat them down for making mistakes. Kids are in tears afterwards...as I write this I am not sure why we go back for more torture.

end vent

Dad coached nirvana!! But they’re not assholes, nope - they’re great guys.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are so many parents hung up on winning?

The MSI rec level is supposed to be where beginners are welcome and soccer is fun.

The parents can wreck the fun.

If the kids are getting exercise, improving their play and having fun outside, and the committed coach is working for free, and you are paying a pittance, why make life unpleasant for the coach and make your kids feel bad about themselves?

I couldn't have said it any better. It doesn't get better as they get older..in fact I think it gets worse. My 13yr old DS plays on a rec team with a coach that is obsessed with winning. To his credit, he doesn't hide it and said the team winning takes priority over any individual (meaning the less skilled players may not even get to play). My son's friends play on that team and he wants to be with them so we are stuck for now. Needless to say, I had to speak to the commissioner because he was, in fact, breaking the SFL rules regarding playing time. It's a bit better now but when the kids make a mistake the coaches go nuts and beat them down for making mistakes. Kids are in tears afterwards...as I write this I am not sure why we go back for more torture.

end vent

Funny. Yes, that's not allowed in our rec league. Everyone must be allowed to play at least half the game.
In my case, I'm the coach and it's the parents, or more accurately just one or two parents, who are obsessed with winning. No one else is much bothered by the score. The girls say they care if they play well and have fun, which is what we're going for.

In the Stoddert league my 6 y/o son plays in, the kids are the ones keeping score.

I cheer for both sides when something occurs like a good block, pass or goal.

Anonymous wrote:Why are so many parents hung up on winning?

The MSI rec level is supposed to be where beginners are welcome and soccer is fun.

The parents can wreck the fun.

If the kids are getting exercise, improving their play and having fun outside, and the committed coach is working for free, and you are paying a pittance, why make life unpleasant for the coach and make your kids feel bad about themselves?

I couldn't have said it any better. It doesn't get better as they get older..in fact I think it gets worse. My 13yr old DS plays on a rec team with a coach that is obsessed with winning. To his credit, he doesn't hide it and said the team winning takes priority over any individual (meaning the less skilled players may not even get to play). My son's friends play on that team and he wants to be with them so we are stuck for now. Needless to say, I had to speak to the commissioner because he was, in fact, breaking the SFL rules regarding playing time. It's a bit better now but when the kids make a mistake the coaches go nuts and beat them down for making mistakes. Kids are in tears afterwards...as I write this I am not sure why we go back for more torture.

end vent

Yes, the trailing teams coach when down by about 5 should be open to adding players.

Adding a player provides for more opportunities for interaction, not less.

No matter what the outcome, pride on the trailing team and potential obnoxious isnt going away. If you really wanted more equal competitive games you would be constantly evaluating players and coaches and moving them around. Its rec soccer, though, not academy and resources are very limited and constrained.

Anonymous wrote:they are a problem.

Anonymous wrote:First thought would be first time soccer coach who doesn't understand that this is common courtesy in young kid soccer.

21:07 here - just wanted to confirm you're both referring to the LOSING team's coach, who declined to add players when the team's down 10+ goals, not the opposing teams' coaches.

First thought would be first time soccer coach who doesn't understand that this is common courtesy in young kid soccer.

they are a problem.

what do you think of coaches who decline to add players even when the game is very lopsided (think 10-0 at halftime) at 1st or 2nd grade level?

Yes, it’s just for fun- but soccer is a game with a winner and a loser. It’s not a horrible thing for young kids to learn empathy for teams that are not as good, to learn to win gracefully, and the ability to lose without a scene. Even if you are not keeping score, 1st grader’s certainly can understand which team is winning.