Anonymous
Post 10/18/2018 10:15     Subject: Is it abuse to be pressured into working stressful higher paying jobs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is ridiculous. No one can pressure you into working a job you do not want to work. If your spouse is insisting that you take a job you don't want, that's a jerk move, but it's not "abuse." If your spouse beats you or threatens to beat you if you do not take a job you don't want, that's abuse. You can go on and on and on about emotional abuse, but in every situation I've seen where one partner works a high-paying stressful job to support the family, there is at least some discussion of that and agreement about who the breadwinner will be.

If you find that you are in a situation where your spouse is pressuring you to work at a job you don't like in order to subsidize their lifestyle while not contributing financially themselves, I would suggest that you consider divorcing this selfish person.
say if she threatened to leave you if you don’t work a job you hate? Not abuse?


I think it's mean and manipulative. As someone who works with actual survivors of domestic abuse, I think it it frankly laughable that you are calling a wife who threatens to leave you if you only make $300k instead of $700k "abusive."

Listen, there is economic coercion that certainly happens. By and large, it happens to women who are employed in low-skill, low-pay fields such as childcare, housekeeping, the maquiladoras in Juarez, etc. There are plenty of people who are forced by their spouses to work with threats of violence, social consequences, etc.

What you are describing is a materialist who doesn't respect you. Please do not put yourself in the same category as the women who are forced to work by abusive husbands under threat of violence against them or their children.
be honest, you’d say him noticing she has gained 100 lbs in the two years they’ve been married as being abuse
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2018 10:15     Subject: Is it abuse to be pressured into working stressful higher paying jobs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is ridiculous. No one can pressure you into working a job you do not want to work. If your spouse is insisting that you take a job you don't want, that's a jerk move, but it's not "abuse." If your spouse beats you or threatens to beat you if you do not take a job you don't want, that's abuse. You can go on and on and on about emotional abuse, but in every situation I've seen where one partner works a high-paying stressful job to support the family, there is at least some discussion of that and agreement about who the breadwinner will be.

If you find that you are in a situation where your spouse is pressuring you to work at a job you don't like in order to subsidize their lifestyle while not contributing financially themselves, I would suggest that you consider divorcing this selfish person.
if he divorces her he’s still on the look for her lifestyle


No, that is not always true. You know it's not always true. Stop playing games.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2018 10:15     Subject: Is it abuse to be pressured into working stressful higher paying jobs
There's a middle road between victim and man up. You could just explain your reasons and say straight up, when you tell me X I feel pressured and I don't like it. My priorities are time with the family, not money. If you feel differently about the budget, you're free to change your career.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2018 10:14     Subject: Is it abuse to be pressured into working stressful higher paying jobs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is ridiculous. No one can pressure you into working a job you do not want to work. If your spouse is insisting that you take a job you don't want, that's a jerk move, but it's not "abuse." If your spouse beats you or threatens to beat you if you do not take a job you don't want, that's abuse. You can go on and on and on about emotional abuse, but in every situation I've seen where one partner works a high-paying stressful job to support the family, there is at least some discussion of that and agreement about who the breadwinner will be.

If you find that you are in a situation where your spouse is pressuring you to work at a job you don't like in order to subsidize their lifestyle while not contributing financially themselves, I would suggest that you consider divorcing this selfish person.
say if she threatened to leave you if you don’t work a job you hate? Not abuse?


I think it's mean and manipulative. As someone who works with actual survivors of domestic abuse, I think it it frankly laughable that you are calling a wife who threatens to leave you if you only make $300k instead of $700k "abusive."

Listen, there is economic coercion that certainly happens. By and large, it happens to women who are employed in low-skill, low-pay fields such as childcare, housekeeping, the maquiladoras in Juarez, etc. There are plenty of people who are forced by their spouses to work with threats of violence, social consequences, etc.

What you are describing is a materialist who doesn't respect you. Please do not put yourself in the same category as the women who are forced to work by abusive husbands under threat of violence against them or their children.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2018 10:12     Subject: Is it abuse to be pressured into working stressful higher paying jobs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you want the best paying job possible for your family?


Well, the best paying job I could get right now would pay about $5-600k, but would require 50% travel and routinely working 70-hour weeks. I have decided to stay at my $3-400k job that requires only 20% travel and 50-hour weeks. Do you really think the better paying job would be better for my family? My kids are 2 and 4.


Snort, no, yall should be fine on "only" $300k to $400k. Sit down and go through your budget and figure out what the gaps are between what your spouse wants and what your income is able to provide. Heck, I make way less than you and I have a nice life.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2018 10:11     Subject: Is it abuse to be pressured into working stressful higher paying jobs
Anonymous wrote:This is ridiculous. No one can pressure you into working a job you do not want to work. If your spouse is insisting that you take a job you don't want, that's a jerk move, but it's not "abuse." If your spouse beats you or threatens to beat you if you do not take a job you don't want, that's abuse. You can go on and on and on about emotional abuse, but in every situation I've seen where one partner works a high-paying stressful job to support the family, there is at least some discussion of that and agreement about who the breadwinner will be.

If you find that you are in a situation where your spouse is pressuring you to work at a job you don't like in order to subsidize their lifestyle while not contributing financially themselves, I would suggest that you consider divorcing this selfish person.
if he divorces her he’s still on the look for her lifestyle
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2018 10:10     Subject: Is it abuse to be pressured into working stressful higher paying jobs
Anonymous wrote:This is ridiculous. No one can pressure you into working a job you do not want to work. If your spouse is insisting that you take a job you don't want, that's a jerk move, but it's not "abuse." If your spouse beats you or threatens to beat you if you do not take a job you don't want, that's abuse. You can go on and on and on about emotional abuse, but in every situation I've seen where one partner works a high-paying stressful job to support the family, there is at least some discussion of that and agreement about who the breadwinner will be.

If you find that you are in a situation where your spouse is pressuring you to work at a job you don't like in order to subsidize their lifestyle while not contributing financially themselves, I would suggest that you consider divorcing this selfish person.
say if she threatened to leave you if you don’t work a job you hate? Not abuse?
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2018 10:09     Subject: Is it abuse to be pressured into working stressful higher paying jobs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you want the best paying job possible for your family?


Well, the best paying job I could get right now would pay about $5-600k, but would require 50% travel and routinely working 70-hour weeks. I have decided to stay at my $3-400k job that requires only 20% travel and 50-hour weeks. Do you really think the better paying job would be better for my family? My kids are 2 and 4.



OK that's a huge difference than someone taking the easy 50k job vs hustling for the 100k job. In your case, 3-400k should be enough to support a family.

Yeah but how can she impress people she doesn’t even like without his extra money ?
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2018 10:09     Subject: Is it abuse to be pressured into working stressful higher paying jobs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you want the best paying job possible for your family?


Well, the best paying job I could get right now would pay about $5-600k, but would require 50% travel and routinely working 70-hour weeks. I have decided to stay at my $3-400k job that requires only 20% travel and 50-hour weeks. Do you really think the better paying job would be better for my family? My kids are 2 and 4.



OK that's a huge difference than someone taking the easy 50k job vs hustling for the 100k job. In your case, 3-400k should be enough to support a family.


That is absurd. 300k is enough to support SEVERAL families. If you cannot get by on that amount of money, your priorities are seriously messed up or your spending is completely out of line.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2018 10:08     Subject: Is it abuse to be pressured into working stressful higher paying jobs
This is ridiculous. No one can pressure you into working a job you do not want to work. If your spouse is insisting that you take a job you don't want, that's a jerk move, but it's not "abuse." If your spouse beats you or threatens to beat you if you do not take a job you don't want, that's abuse. You can go on and on and on about emotional abuse, but in every situation I've seen where one partner works a high-paying stressful job to support the family, there is at least some discussion of that and agreement about who the breadwinner will be.

If you find that you are in a situation where your spouse is pressuring you to work at a job you don't like in order to subsidize their lifestyle while not contributing financially themselves, I would suggest that you consider divorcing this selfish person.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2018 10:05     Subject: Is it abuse to be pressured into working stressful higher paying jobs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you want the best paying job possible for your family?


Well, the best paying job I could get right now would pay about $5-600k, but would require 50% travel and routinely working 70-hour weeks. I have decided to stay at my $3-400k job that requires only 20% travel and 50-hour weeks. Do you really think the better paying job would be better for my family? My kids are 2 and 4.



OK that's a huge difference than someone taking the easy 50k job vs hustling for the 100k job. In your case, 3-400k should be enough to support a family.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2018 10:04     Subject: Is it abuse to be pressured into working stressful higher paying jobs
Don’t do it, OP.

It will just ruin your health and make you resentful. Plus, if you get divorced, you will effectively be enslaved to this job forever since you will be stuck paying high alimony since she “sacrificed” her career for you, even though you’re really the one doing the sacrificing. Plus, your kids will hate you because you were never around.

Anonymous
Post 10/18/2018 10:03     Subject: Is it abuse to be pressured into working stressful higher paying jobs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you want the best paying job possible for your family?

If your spouse is a SAHM you need to man up and get the better paying job. If you both work, less pressure and both need to equally have jobs that allow them to care for children and be home on time.


Because a high-stress, long-hours job is bad for a person's mental and physical health.

Because free time to spend with family and friends is valuable.

Because we can never get time back.


Also maybe he wants a job he likes and doesn’t hate but he has to take a stressful job he hates because of patriarchy and die younger


actually that would be matriarchy...
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2018 09:59     Subject: Is it abuse to be pressured into working stressful higher paying jobs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For the purposes of this forum if you are a woman, yes. Man, no. That is all.


This does seem to be the way it plays out in these parts.

Gotta love feminists. They are so motivated by hatred they think there’s a patriarchy and yet somehow their sons won’t live as long as their daughters and that’s fine
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2018 09:57     Subject: Is it abuse to be pressured into working stressful higher paying jobs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you want the best paying job possible for your family?

If your spouse is a SAHM you need to man up and get the better paying job. If you both work, less pressure and both need to equally have jobs that allow them to care for children and be home on time.


Because a high-stress, long-hours job is bad for a person's mental and physical health.

Because free time to spend with family and friends is valuable.

Because we can never get time back.


Also maybe he wants a job he likes and doesn’t hate but he has to take a stressful job he hates because of patriarchy and die younger