Anonymous
10/24/2018 13:08
Subject: Re:Puberty Moments...
This topic is funny and touching, thank you for starting it for fellow parents like us to laugh, cry and commiserate.
Encounters with my 11 year old DS can sometimes be like encounters with the third kind, like an alien took over my child.
Most of the time he's sweet and perfectly normal, but odd or tense moments are definitely starting to be more frequent. The road ahead will be interesting and challenging for sure, but we've all been through it with our parents and none of us were angels 100% of the time. We've emerged on the other side ok for the most part, that's my hope for our DS and our relationship. We just need to adjust to each other, feed them when sugar level is low, leave them be at times, and come back together as parents and family. I hope the phase won't be too painful for all of us and we can all look back at it and laugh like at the video. I LOVED the video btw, it's so funny! In 5th grade health class, they taught the kids that they will be driven by hormones soon to act out and do things they have no logical explanations for, and they will have rough patches with parents at times. I just need to remind my DS from time to time about that.
Good luck to us all!
Encounters with my 11 year old DS can sometimes be like encounters with the third kind, like an alien took over my child.
Most of the time he's sweet and perfectly normal, but odd or tense moments are definitely starting to be more frequent. The road ahead will be interesting and challenging for sure, but we've all been through it with our parents and none of us were angels 100% of the time. We've emerged on the other side ok for the most part, that's my hope for our DS and our relationship. We just need to adjust to each other, feed them when sugar level is low, leave them be at times, and come back together as parents and family. I hope the phase won't be too painful for all of us and we can all look back at it and laugh like at the video. I LOVED the video btw, it's so funny! In 5th grade health class, they taught the kids that they will be driven by hormones soon to act out and do things they have no logical explanations for, and they will have rough patches with parents at times. I just need to remind my DS from time to time about that.
Good luck to us all!
Anonymous
10/18/2018 19:21
Subject: Re:Puberty Moments...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
OMG, this is my after school dialog with my son every day. Sigh. He is usually more chatty after 15 min of fornite and a snack.
I find mine improves after a snack too.
My DH is 54 and when he gets home, he is grouchy and monosyllabic until he has a snack.
Truth be told I am like that until I have my morning coffee. I am also like that when hungry. I do not however have raging irrational fits...unless post partum and sleep deprived.
Anonymous
10/18/2018 19:09
Subject: Re:Puberty Moments...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
OMG, this is my after school dialog with my son every day. Sigh. He is usually more chatty after 15 min of fornite and a snack.
I find mine improves after a snack too.
My DH is 54 and when he gets home, he is grouchy and monosyllabic until he has a snack.
Anonymous
10/18/2018 18:14
Subject: Puberty Moments...
This is all making me laugh! It's like you all know what my conversations look like a high puberty day. I have to keep reminding myself during those moments that it's the same philosophy as when you try to reason with a toddler...don't do it...take a break, give snack, De-escalate...or as one person did "back away slowly..."
Anonymous
10/18/2018 16:28
Subject: Re:Puberty Moments...
Anonymous wrote:
Thank you for sharing this. I was particularly irritated with my DD today for exacting JUST LIKE THIS. The car scene in particular. Seeing the video helped put it in perspective. I showed her and she laughed too.
I just showed it to my middle schooler too:
Him: Exactly!
Me: IKR? Can you believe how rude that kid was to his poor parents?
Him: What!??!?? No! [stomped off]
Anonymous
10/18/2018 16:07
Subject: Re:Puberty Moments...
Yesterday in my 1 story house
I’m doing dishes. Hear a muffled “mooooom!” “I can’t hear you I’m doing dishes come here” “moooom!”
I stop the dishes and go to her room
“Honey I was doing the dishes and couldn’t hear you, what do you need?”
“NEVERMIND. JUST GO AWAY! YOU ALWAYS YELL ME” while she was crying.
Please note I was NOT yelling. I just slowly backed away and shut the door
I’m doing dishes. Hear a muffled “mooooom!” “I can’t hear you I’m doing dishes come here” “moooom!”
I stop the dishes and go to her room
“Honey I was doing the dishes and couldn’t hear you, what do you need?”
“NEVERMIND. JUST GO AWAY! YOU ALWAYS YELL ME” while she was crying.
Please note I was NOT yelling. I just slowly backed away and shut the door
Anonymous
10/18/2018 15:32
Subject: Puberty Moments...
We had a similar scene monday. DD is 14 and was recovering from a virus, so that probably contributed. She took an afternoon nap, and since I figured she needed the rest, I didn't wake her. We had talked about going on an errand, but she slept through our errand window. No big deal. When she woke up, she said "when are we going to xyz?". I told her we missed that since she was asleep (in a neutral tone, I didn't want to go anyway TBH) and she lost her sh*t.
"IT'S NOT MY FAULT!! I WAS ASLEEP!!!".
I told her I wasn't sure who else's fault ~her sleeping~ could be, but it's fine, we'll go another time.
"WHY ARE YOU BLAMING ME!?! I WAS SLEEPING!!!"
etc etc
The bad part is that it occasionally gives me the giggles when she's totally irrational, and that does NOT help the situation.
"IT'S NOT MY FAULT!! I WAS ASLEEP!!!".
I told her I wasn't sure who else's fault ~her sleeping~ could be, but it's fine, we'll go another time.
"WHY ARE YOU BLAMING ME!?! I WAS SLEEPING!!!"
etc etc
The bad part is that it occasionally gives me the giggles when she's totally irrational, and that does NOT help the situation.
Anonymous
10/18/2018 15:18
Subject: Puberty Moments...
Anonymous wrote: "Puberty Moment" is my euphemism for when my older child acts like a beast usually during a growth spurt and acne breakout. Thankfully, after the growth spurt/hormonal surge he goes back to being relatively pleasant. Tonight here were some puberty moments:
-Homework time: I monitor and give breaks. It usually goes pretty smoothly when not in beast mode. Tonight though, he struggled and instead of calmly asking for help he screamed "This is all your fault!" I calmly ask "How is this my fault?" He then responds "How dare you say that to me!' I said I know he is frustrated and he can take a break if he needs to, but he needs to use a respectful tone. Then I get "You are yelling at me Mom! Stop yelling." I explain I was not yelling...He breaks into tears "How dare you tell me to take a break." I tell him he doesn't have to take a break. We then end up in the most irrational all over the place conversation with him alternating between crying and yelling. I go take a break away from him. He yells at me and then apologizes and says he doesn't know why he is like this and he begs me to come back.
Anyone relate? If this were every day I would get help, but it always coincides with an acne breakout and then a height increase that week. After he grows, he goes back being somewhat rational and he can manage his emotions most days.
11yo yells at me and runs to her room. Then comes back and tries to hug me. I turn to hug her back and she runs to her room again. She comes out, apologizes, then if I try to speak she flees again. Rinse, repeat, with lots of tears and drama. Hates when I yell, hates when I try to be calm and neutral, hates when I ignore her. Usually a snack and a walk around the block will fix the problem, but getting her to do either of those things when she's like this is impossible, even when somewhere in there she knows it's exactly what she needs. And it's clear she's hating herself every minute of all this, but has no idea in the moment what to do about any of it. We've agreed, in calmer moments, to not hold anything either of us says at times like this against each other.
Anonymous
10/18/2018 15:06
Subject: Puberty Moments...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What? Did you ask me something? I can't hear you over the repeated door-slamming.
A friend of mine ended up removing her teen's door as punishment. She said the look on his face as she was doing it was priceless.
I replaced the door handle on the spot when he wouldn’t unlock the door. By the time I unlocked it (he had no idea about those little pin keys) and replaced the handle with one that didn’t lock, he was just looking at me in shock. Still makes me laugh
You did exactly the right thing. Kudos to you.
100% pure luck that I had a spare unlocking door handle in the basement, but for once things worked out!
Anonymous
10/18/2018 14:48
Subject: Re:Puberty Moments...
Anonymous wrote:
OMG, this is my after school dialog with my son every day. Sigh. He is usually more chatty after 15 min of fornite and a snack.
I find mine improves after a snack too.
Anonymous
10/18/2018 09:13
Subject: Re:Puberty Moments...
OMG, this is my after school dialog with my son every day. Sigh. He is usually more chatty after 15 min of fornite and a snack.
Anonymous
10/18/2018 08:42
Subject: Puberty Moments...
Op, I laughed at your post because my son is very, very similar at 13.5.
Anonymous
10/18/2018 06:56
Subject: Puberty Moments...
Hah! That's what I thought last year, that all the hormonal nuttiness coming from my 13 year old daughter would pass. Nope, still going on. Last night after a particularly rough day with her and older sibling, I called DH (who was on his way home from work) and told him I was running away from home, and he could pick up anything he wanted on the way home for he and the teens to eat. That I would be back after the teens were upstairs in bed.
He did, and I did. I cried in his arms when I got home, he reminded me re: hormones, told me he talked to DD who said she couldn't promise not to be so nasty to me, that he loved me, and that this too shall pass. And, I told him I might have to run away for real if this lasted many more years.
While I am sure it sucks (sometimes) to be a teen, it sucks (a lot of the time) to be a parent of a teen. Ok, not really, maybe 20% of the time, but that 20% of the time really SUCKS.
He did, and I did. I cried in his arms when I got home, he reminded me re: hormones, told me he talked to DD who said she couldn't promise not to be so nasty to me, that he loved me, and that this too shall pass. And, I told him I might have to run away for real if this lasted many more years.
While I am sure it sucks (sometimes) to be a teen, it sucks (a lot of the time) to be a parent of a teen. Ok, not really, maybe 20% of the time, but that 20% of the time really SUCKS.
Anonymous
10/17/2018 22:58
Subject: Puberty Moments...
Wow. I was never like this. I don't think my husband was either. Hopefully our kids have inherited our calm genes!
Stay strong, OP. This too shall pass.
Stay strong, OP. This too shall pass.
Anonymous
10/17/2018 22:54
Subject: Puberty Moments...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What? Did you ask me something? I can't hear you over the repeated door-slamming.
A friend of mine ended up removing her teen's door as punishment. She said the look on his face as she was doing it was priceless.
I replaced the door handle on the spot when he wouldn’t unlock the door. By the time I unlocked it (he had no idea about those little pin keys) and replaced the handle with one that didn’t lock, he was just looking at me in shock. Still makes me laugh
You did exactly the right thing. Kudos to you.