OP here. A big thanks to all of you who took the time to help me think through this situation. I'm so happy I posted.

My husband accepted the job!

I feel really good about the decision. Talking through it here helped me see I was basing my insurance concerns on a bunch of unknowns - other job offers that didn't yet exist, children that we don't have yet, leaving a job that I haven't left. The day I posted was also my 4th day of starting Clomid and I think it made me anxious. Anyway, the other thing that really gave me clarity was a good conversation with my husband where I learned a lot more about why this job feels so right to him. It was like I snapped out of it instantly - I realized he had to go for it and I was stunned that I almost derailed it. It seems like he's going to love this new role, and that is a great thing for both of us.

He was able to negotiate a higher salary, as well. Not enough to fully cover those crazy insurance premiums, but we don't need that insurance at this point. I am proud of him and excited.

Thanks again, everyone!

You are not even pregnant yet. It could take years or not happen at all. I would not base this decision on a hypothetical. At the very best you are a year or two bbn out if you are lucky

Pursuant to the thread a few weeks ago about how many bad job situations are chosen (and much productivity is lost) in America because of our insistence on tying health care to our employers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would see if they can increase the salary by 1300 a month to make up for the bad health care.

OP here. Would you actually discuss the cost of the insurance in negotiation? I think he'd be open to that, but it might come across odd since he'd be talking about coverage for hypothetical future children.

Yes, new poster here. . My husband negotiated a higher salary due to insurance cost. Insurance costs are part of the whole benefit package.

Anonymous wrote:What if just he switched to the new insurance and you stayed on yours? Some employers subsidize heavily for employees but have very expensive “family” coverage.

I think this is the best idea. And, there is nothing wrong with, when he discusses the job with them, him saying, "My only reservation is the cost of healthcare. The premiums I'd be paying at XYZ firm are much higher than we have been paying. Is it possible to have the health insurance costs subsidized by XYZ firm?"

They can pay you a cash fringe, which is not part of your salary and therefore not used in the calculation of future raises or (depending on how their plan is written) retirement plan. So it's not a compounded cost is what I am saying. Even if they only pay you half of the family premium per month, it's better than nothing. If they don't feel comfortable treating your health care differently from that of other employees, there are other ways they can make it up to you, such as an employer paid parking pass, metro check, car allowance, etc. (note, be careful as these are now taxable benefits as of 2018.)

I have an employee here whom we pay several hundred dollars per month because he *doesn't* take our health insurance; they are all on his wife's insurance. He pockets the employer's usual cost for the health care.

Everything is negotiable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would probably try to negotiate a higher salary to make up for the increased cost of insurance.

Absolutely this. His best time to negotiate is now

This. Btw when I went part time - to 24 hrs a week - I was able to keep my access to health insurance. I’m not sure if there are regs related to that, but ask around your office about your policies. And I disagree with the PPs here who say no sense in worrying about this now. Now is a great time to plan as best as you can.

It is going to look really weird if he negotiates for a higher salary based on insurance premiums and then you stay on your plan--which obviously you would for at least a year, I assume. HE can try to negotiate the salary but I would not mention insurance premiums under these circumstances. Would be different if you were SAH or otherwise did not have health coverage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would probably try to negotiate a higher salary to make up for the increased cost of insurance.

Absolutely this. His best time to negotiate is now

+1. We had an applicant that we really wanted turn down our offer flat because she felt the health insurance cost would be too high for her family (we're one of those small companies that can provide coverage for the employee but they have to cover family members' costs, and because we're in DC and it's all on the exchange it's per person, no family plan options). But we absolutely would've been willing to negotiate on salary if she'd just asked. Filling positions with good people is such a pain and usually by the time a company makes an offer they're pretty invested in the person, so your husband probably has more of an upper hand here than he realizes. Now's the time to make the ask, especially if he's prepared to walk anyway over this issue.

Anonymous wrote:I would probably try to negotiate a higher salary to make up for the increased cost of insurance.

Absolutely this. His best time to negotiate is now

I used to think and plan my life like this, and let me tell you, the biggest wake up call I got was that nothing in life goes the way you think it will. So I would make decisions based on "oh well we'll have a child in x years, so this makes more sense", things like that and... none of that worked out.

I'm not saying that you won't be pregnant soon or that you may have to change something when that baby comes. BUT don't put the cart before the horse. Make the best decision for your circumstances now.

Anonymous wrote:You should just... keep your job until you find something with good insurance or enough salary to offset it? And not go part time? I’m a mom with the whole family on my insurance which is $1300/mo. It sucks, especially because it’s biglaw and super demanding but I gotta take care of my family.

I agree. Frankly, it's a little odd to say that he should turn down a job because of the cost of health insurance when OP has good insurance through her job, because someday they might want the option to do something different. Your financials are going to change anyway if you have a baby, and if you go part-time, your whole income picture would change. But you can't plan all that stuff ahead of time. Take the good job, save money, and see what the future actually brings.

I'm trying to get out of my current job because of health insurance. Employers have no friggin idea how much this matters to a subset of their people.

Larger picture, I used to say our U.S. system of healthcare tied to employment was stupid and inefficient. I now see it as a deliberate system to enrich a certain class of people.

For the OP, an extra $1000/month sounds like $12k a year. I think you're on the right track to simply figure that number into the employment decision.

I agree that you should just stay on yours and see if he can get more cash to offset the increase. A few things:

Insurance plans and coverage at companies changes, especially at small ones. My company is always searching for more value.

You can only control your fertility so much. Insurance is no guarantee.

You could change jobs.

A family plan is different than 2 adults as a family.

You should just... keep your job until you find something with good insurance or enough salary to offset it? And not go part time? I’m a mom with the whole family on my insurance which is $1300/mo. It sucks, especially because it’s biglaw and super demanding but I gotta take care of my family.