Anonymous wrote:We simply started treating their expectations/demands as gracious invitations. “We won’t be able to join you this year; we’re celebrating in our home. You’re welcome to join.”

This is the answer. We can't hold your hand while you start acting like an adult, OP. But you can do it.

Here’s a suggestion for you, OP. In the very near future, you announce to your DH, with an authoritative tone, that he got his way last year, so this year it’s your turn. Tell him that you’re cooking Thanksgiving dinner in your home, and he’s welcome to invite (x number of) guests over. If he starts to complain, argue, whatever....don’t try to reason with him, don’t plead, don’t argue. All you need to say is, “I’m staying home this year and cooking dinner here for us.” Followed by, “It’s not up for discussion,” and/or, “I’m not changing my mind.” Tell the kids Thanksgiving is at home this year in the same authoritative tone.

Do your own planning, invite whomever you want, buy your own turkey and trimmings, etc., so he will see you mean it. The keys to success are to use an authoritative tone and to not acquiesce, ever. Your DH gets his way because you always cave, and he knows it.

Even if your DH chooses to go out without you, you stay home. This holiday may not be as perfect as you may hope as people get used to the changes, so be prepared for that. There may be plenty of griping or even tantrums, but just ignore them all. Your goal this year is to break the pattern and stay home and you can accomplish that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As my mother got older and I offered to handle the big holidays, she didn't have any problems letting me do it. My parents only lived 20 minutes away and she would bring a few dishes. How old are the in laws?

70 and 71. They are big on tradition/same stuff always.

Same food, same vacation locales, same people, same stories, same exact conversations.

Same except mine are late 50s. They will be well enough to host for several more decades. By that time I expect my kids will want to host.

Are you going to let that happen to yourself? Why not take control of your life?

I have resigned to the fact that I have no control over my life. Dh's wishes and my inlaws are more important than mine. I fought and fought for years to host and then realized I had no clue what I even hoped to accomplish. I absolutely do not enjoy holidays though.

Wow. That's really sad. I hope you find ways to value yourself more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As my mother got older and I offered to handle the big holidays, she didn't have any problems letting me do it. My parents only lived 20 minutes away and she would bring a few dishes. How old are the in laws?

70 and 71. They are big on tradition/same stuff always.

Same food, same vacation locales, same people, same stories, same exact conversations.

Same except mine are late 50s. They will be well enough to host for several more decades. By that time I expect my kids will want to host.

Are you going to let that happen to yourself? Why not take control of your life?

I have resigned to the fact that I have no control over my life. Dh's wishes and my inlaws are more important than mine. I fought and fought for years to host and then realized I had no clue what I even hoped to accomplish. I absolutely do not enjoy holidays though.

Anonymous wrote:Yes we have just started doing it. Love hosting and love not traveling.

In addition to sharing the smug outcome, HOW did you do it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As my mother got older and I offered to handle the big holidays, she didn't have any problems letting me do it. My parents only lived 20 minutes away and she would bring a few dishes. How old are the in laws?

70 and 71. They are big on tradition/same stuff always.

Same food, same vacation locales, same people, same stories, same exact conversations.

Same except mine are late 50s. They will be well enough to host for several more decades. By that time I expect my kids will want to host.

Are you going to let that happen to yourself? Why not take control of your life?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As my mother got older and I offered to handle the big holidays, she didn't have any problems letting me do it. My parents only lived 20 minutes away and she would bring a few dishes. How old are the in laws?

70 and 71. They are big on tradition/same stuff always.

Same food, same vacation locales, same people, same stories, same exact conversations.

Same except mine are late 50s. They will be well enough to host for several more decades. By that time I expect my kids will want to host.

Yes we have just started doing it. Love hosting and love not traveling.

Anonymous wrote:As my mother got older and I offered to handle the big holidays, she didn't have any problems letting me do it. My parents only lived 20 minutes away and she would bring a few dishes. How old are the in laws?

70 and 71. They are big on tradition/same stuff always.

Same food, same vacation locales, same people, same stories, same exact conversations.

As my mother got older and I offered to handle the big holidays, she didn't have any problems letting me do it. My parents only lived 20 minutes away and she would bring a few dishes. How old are the in laws?