Anonymous wrote:Go to the first wedding, the add on another few days to visit his family while you're in country. You won't be at the 2nd wedding but you WILL have shown courtesy to MIL and that branch of the tree.

OP here. DH's cousin's wedding is a destination wedding - they live in the States. They have visited our area, but they really just see DH's parents, not us, not DH's siblings. They do not seem interested. Their wedding destination happens to be in the same country where my family (both sides) lives, and were born and raised for generations. The wedding would be an opportunity to see people I have not seen for a while, many of them are older and no longer travel. It would be an especially great experience for our children.

Yes, I am looking for an excuse to see my family, especially since I may not have another opportunity anytime soon. Yes, I am looking for an excuse for them to see my children, since they may not have another opportunity anytime soon. There are a lot more of my cousins, aunts, uncles and second cousins than there are of us or DH's side combined. ie: it would be impossible for all of them to travel, and like I said, most of them are older and no longer travel. I definitely would not be able to see them all at the same time as this opportunity affords. This part of the equation is not an excuse, it just is.

I guess in reality, I am looking for a way for all of us (DH, me and DC) to go to both events. We simply can not afford it. PP is correct, if MIL really wanted us to go, she could help a little with that part. I do think she would rather point fingers.

I was wondering if there was something else I am not seeing, that people might be able to recommend, especially if they have been in the same situation?

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious that you want permission to go to yours and not your DH’s family wedding, OP. But I really think the solution is to not go to either. Otherwise there will be hurt feelings. Plan another trip and visit both families another time.

Yes, you're seeking absolution here OP, and we're not the ones who can provide that. As others said earlier, you and DH should each go alone to the wedding related to your family, and leave kids at home. Yes, both families want to see the kids, but well, you can't always get what you want.

You each go to your side's wedding. If you can afford it, each of you bring the kids to that wedding. If you can't, then then kids stay home for both.

The point is not only how close you are to each family member being wed, but usually such events are major family reunions. If you snub your husband's cousin just because he doesn't know the cousin that well, then you are also snubbing all of his family who he is close to (including his parents) because he is not attending the major family event. While OP clearly wants an excuse to go to her family wedding and blow off her husband's cousin, this isn't just about the cousin who is being wed. And this decision could have repercussions on your husband's relationships with his family and your children's relationship with their extended family for years. It's bad enough not to go to a wedding in some cultures, but to choose another wedding to go to instead of family (even if it is in-laws) can be a major slight depending on the culture.

I would make sure you give equal preference to the two sides.

I wouldn't split up the family. I would go to my family's wedding.

How far do you have to travel for these weddings? Is it a fun destination? Does DH want to go to his cousin's wedding? If he really wants to go, then he can go on his own?
Is the reason you don't want to go to the second wedding due to $ and time off? Or do you just not like them?
Also, I wouldn't skip the first wedding just because you aren't going to the second wedding.

Anonymous wrote:You all go to the first wedding. DH can go solo (or not) to the second. Done.

This is what I would do.

Anonymous wrote:Go to the first wedding, the add on another few days to visit his family while you're in country. You won't be at the 2nd wedding but you WILL have shown courtesy to MIL and that branch of the tree.

It looks like the second wedding is a destination wedding - dh's family lives in the states.

You all go to the first wedding. DH can go solo (or not) to the second. Done.

Go to the first wedding, the add on another few days to visit his family while you're in country. You won't be at the 2nd wedding but you WILL have shown courtesy to MIL and that branch of the tree.

Anonymous wrote:WWYD? There are (2) family weddings planned abroad for this summer, same country, one my side and one DH side. Problem is, they are two months apart. I am closer to my family/cousins (they reside in the country where the wedding is being held), but MIL is pressuring DH to attend her side (destination wedding for them). First marriage for my cousin, second (third?) marriage for DH cousin. My respective relative and my parents are very close, and I have great memories of their visits growing up (we did not travel); DH doesn't really know his aunt/cousins on that side (they reside in CA, but DH has maybe met the cousin once, but not met the bride, and does not remember the aunt).

I think I know the answer to this, just trying to make it so that MIL dos not try to make me the bad guy (as she enjoys doing).

In my world, second+ weddings are strictly optional. There is no way I would NOT go to the first wedding of family I am close to, to attend the second or third wedding of someone I have never met (or only met once).

Anonymous wrote:WWYD? There are (2) family weddings planned abroad for this summer, same country, one my side and one DH side. Problem is, they are two months apart. I am closer to my family/cousins (they reside in the country where the wedding is being held), but MIL is pressuring DH to attend her side (destination wedding for them). First marriage for my cousin, second (third?) marriage for DH cousin. My respective relative and my parents are very close, and I have great memories of their visits growing up (we did not travel); DH doesn't really know his aunt/cousins on that side (they reside in CA, but DH has maybe met the cousin once, but not met the bride, and does not remember the aunt).

I think I know the answer to this, just trying to make it so that MIL dos not try to make me the bad guy (as she enjoys doing).

How many kids do you have? If two than you take one kid to your cousin's wedding. Next wedding DH and other kid goes to wedding. Win-win

Sorry, there is no way I would go to a destination wedding for a 2nd or 3rd marriage of someone I barely know. Fortunately, my MIL isn’t so self absorbed to ask us to do such a thing,

It’s obvious that you want permission to go to yours and not your DH’s family wedding, OP. But I really think the solution is to not go to either. Otherwise there will be hurt feelings. Plan another trip and visit both families another time.

OP again. DH is indifferent, because he does not really know that part of his family - big age differences, and not a lot in common, in general. They don't really make the effort.

Yes, we could see his family here - to answer other PP - including those who are getting married.

Anonymous wrote:I’d go to family I was close to and decline second. If MIL wants to pay for 2nd-let her but have either just DH go or have her send entire family-but just spend least amount of time needed (again on her dime.)

OP here. I love this idea, but that would never happen (she would not pay for us to go).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, you could attend your cousins wedding and DH could attend his cousins wedding...

Do you have kids? That would be the only tricky part.

OP here. Yes, we have kids. So, separate trips, in this instance, is not a possibility - because BOTH sides want to see the children. It would have to be one wedding or the other.

If his side is a destination wedding, is it possible to bring kids to see that side at different time? If not, go to the destination wedding and while you are there extend your trip to also go see your side of the family in that country.

OP here. I could never do this, because if my family finds out that we went to the other wedding, and not theirs, they will be really hurt. They would not tell me they were hurt, but it would be insulting that I would think of going to another wedding before theirs. I was thinking that the destination wedding would not have other children, so it may be awkward?