Anonymous wrote:When I was in HS there was exactly one girl I knew who did this.

She is now a successful jewelry designer living in Paris with her two beautiful daughters and her multi-millionaire husband.

Bad behavior does not always end in bad ways.

Yes, but it’s a little like saying “I didn’t wear seat belts and I lived.” Sure, most people will be fine. And then there’s the ones who won’t be fine (who get pregnant, get hit by a car crossing a road at night, pass out drunk on the way home and die of exposure without their parents realizing they were out, get attacked by a sexual predator while they are out and never tell their parents because they knew they weren’t supposed to be out...) I think it’s fine to put reasonable limits on your teen. Some kids are good at outing limits on themselves—others are not and need more structure while their brains are still developing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My good friend snuck out in HS in the 90s. Boys climbing in and out of windows, driving to a nearby college town in the middle of the night to party before school. She’s a productive member of society now.
But she says her parents were just so strict and critical of her. They didn’t know she was sneaking out but tried to control her every word and move during the day. She said she would have endured any punishment they gave her. Something to think about.

Sometimes kids do it and their parents are strict. Kids get involved with drugs and alcohol or other kids who are bad influencers. Sometimes it is not the parents fault when they trust their once good kids.

Saw a friend go through this with a few of their kids.

My parents were the opposite of strict. Super lenient. I snuck out all the time and drank and did drugs. Had parties when they were gone. They wouldn't have approved of that stuff, in fact I got in trouble when I got caught (though they weren't consistent with punishment). I'm a productive member of society now, though I do have some long-term issues that probably stem from or are somewhat related to early heavy drug use (depression, forgetfulness, etc).

I hope I can be a parent that instills good judgment and trust in my kids, while making it clear that behavior won't fly. Be involved without being a helicopter. I try to think about what my parents could have done that would have put me on a different track -- be more involved, be vigilant, be fair and firm and consistent. Definitely have a security system, too. My kids are little now but I do plan to have tracking devices on them in their teens

When I was in HS there was exactly one girl I knew who did this.

She is now a successful jewelry designer living in Paris with her two beautiful daughters and her multi-millionaire husband.

Bad behavior does not always end in bad ways.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My good friend snuck out in HS in the 90s. Boys climbing in and out of windows, driving to a nearby college town in the middle of the night to party before school. She’s a productive member of society now.
But she says her parents were just so strict and critical of her. They didn’t know she was sneaking out but tried to control her every word and move during the day. She said she would have endured any punishment they gave her. Something to think about.

This was me to the letter. My parents were so strict and my curfew was always 2-3 hours earlier than my friends. So I snuck out. A lot. I have vowed as a parent not to do this to my own kid.

X1000

Anonymous wrote:I snuck out some in highschool. I’m hearing from friends with teens 15 and up that’s they have dealt with it. And it’s often going to someone’s house. Usually someone with a big house where parents less likely to hear them.

Funny, my friends who did this in the 90’s had small three bedroom houses.

Like other OP - it is the overly strict parents whose children do this, IME.

My friends who did this also turned out to be productive members of society.

I'd make sure they knew how to use birth control.

When we bought our house it had an ADT alarm that 'chimes' every time a door or window is opened. We didn't sign up for their service, but the alarm still chimes each time the door opens. It's not an alarm per se, but I do like having an alert when someone is going in and out.

This is actually a common issue.

My high school boyfriend used to sneak out to come to my house. When is mom figured it out she had an extra deadbolt installed and locked it behind him the next time he snuck out. He had to knock to get back in. That ended that.

Anonymous wrote:I spent almost every night at my girlfriend's house my senior year of high school -- snuck out when my parents went to bed and back before they got up. Ended when my dad got up early one day for a business trip and was standing in the kitchen when I got home. I moved out of their house a few weeks after that.

Let's be real. I don't know any kids who could honestly support themselves in HS around here and be able to move out. Rent is insane. so maybe instead of everyone going nuclear we could actually talk to our kids about boundaries etc

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Security system installed asap. You don’t tell them the code.

They’ll still try to get away with stuff when they are allowed out. But you won’t have to worry at night.

-signed. Former sneaker outer. The only friend who couldn’t had parents who did ^

Yep. Our alarm has a code for every member of the family. So it will say, Mary disarmed the system at 2:02 am. Her window opened at 2:03. It closed at 2:04, etc. We can set it to sound an audible alarm on our cell phone if it is disarmed after we go to bed at night.

As an aside, it’s nice when we aren’t home to check and see when kids get home from school, sports, etc.

FrontPoint. Less than $200 on Amazon. Very easy to install. You can also pay for monthly monitoring, but you don’t have to.

Thanks for the rec on the system. Often alone with kids and probably a nice thing to have

Anonymous wrote:My good friend snuck out in HS in the 90s. Boys climbing in and out of windows, driving to a nearby college town in the middle of the night to party before school. She’s a productive member of society now.
But she says her parents were just so strict and critical of her. They didn’t know she was sneaking out but tried to control her every word and move during the day. She said she would have endured any punishment they gave her. Something to think about.

This was me to the letter. My parents were so strict and my curfew was always 2-3 hours earlier than my friends. So I snuck out. A lot. I have vowed as a parent not to do this to my own kid.

Anonymous wrote:My good friend snuck out in HS in the 90s. Boys climbing in and out of windows, driving to a nearby college town in the middle of the night to party before school. She’s a productive member of society now.
But she says her parents were just so strict and critical of her. They didn’t know she was sneaking out but tried to control her every word and move during the day. She said she would have endured any punishment they gave her. Something to think about.

That is intriguing to me—is your friend a parent herself now? Does she intend to let her kids roam free at night?

I spent almost every night at my girlfriend's house my senior year of high school -- snuck out when my parents went to bed and back before they got up. Ended when my dad got up early one day for a business trip and was standing in the kitchen when I got home. I moved out of their house a few weeks after that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My good friend snuck out in HS in the 90s. Boys climbing in and out of windows, driving to a nearby college town in the middle of the night to party before school. She’s a productive member of society now.
But she says her parents were just so strict and critical of her. They didn’t know she was sneaking out but tried to control her every word and move during the day. She said she would have endured any punishment they gave her. Something to think about.

Sometimes kids do it and their parents are strict. Kids get involved with drugs and alcohol or other kids who are bad influencers. Sometimes it is not the parents fault when they trust their once good kids.

Saw a friend go through this with a few of their kids.

I"m pp and I meant to say NOT strict.