Anonymous wrote:Reading blogs by glennon doyle is your first mistake.

This.

I see a large number of people have expressed their views and opinions, so I will be brief. I and now in my 60's and have been through numerous changes in my marriage; with my husband and without him. My goal was never to stay in love like when we first met, but to grow in love so it would reach deeper and deeper levels, and become a bond that could never be broken. We have gone through some very difficult stages, and came to realize marriage isn't so much about ourselves as it is the other person, and how far we are each willing to go to reach the goals God has for couples. It takes both parties to commit to doing whatever it takes, and when one party is preoccupied and entertained with ideas to live apart from this commitment, division has already begun its work.

https://bit.ly/2zpOYyW

Decide what is important to you in life; what will make you a stronger better person. I would encourage you to seek wise counsel before making a drastic change.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in perimenopause at 45. it sucks. I am seeing an endocrinologist who is universally praised on DCUM as the guys to get our hormones "fixed"-dont believe the hype. Almost 1k out of pocket to him and he just pushed the estrogen patch within 10 minutes and Addyi. (which he was a researcher so no idea what kind of kick back he gets).
OP bottom line, what you feel is normal. This dr said women crave way more variety than man in long term sexual relationships. He said he sees 10 women a day who don't want sex with their husbands but masturbate all the time and would love to have affairs. I suggest you jus work on yourself before you start dealing with your marriage. Plan a solo trip or a girls trip, start a new hobby. Definitily make time for exercise to help your mood. No matter how much you don't love your DH, if its a workable marriage you should probably stay in it. A middle aged mom with three kids is not very dateable at all. Your DH will be dating and or remarried to someone younger than you within in a few years and you will be 50 with three kids and fully in menopause and no dates.

What horrible advice! Don’t listen to this BS. I’m the same age and get tons of attention from men. Unless you’ve totallly let yourself go and have not confidence, you will always be compatible with someone.

depends on if you are just looking for easy sex, yes, any woman can get that. If you want to actually date then yes its much harder for a mom of 3. those are facts. Limited time, limited pool of men. Spend more time on this board to see what you are up against. Single parenting is tough even with a committed co parent post divorce. Can she afford a house big enough for three kids on her own? OP needs t focus on herself, for a while, before assuming that leaving your DH is answer to your happiness. Just like getting married isn't the key to happiness, you gotta be happy with yourself, married or divorced.

PP here-whoops, i realize someone else linked to that article--sorry! (well, differnet paper. but same author)

Hi OP,

It sounds like you are really struggling. However, it also sounds like you are stuck in a place where you dont believe things will get better with the life you currently have, as opposed to a (fantasy) life where you suddenly have hot sex and amazing romance with a new man. Just recognize that the desire for the latter is a symptom, rather than an answer.

Given that you didn't list any red flags in your relationship with your DH (addiction, abuse, adultery) it sounds more like you are unhappy, internally, and have given up on connecting with him. He may feel the same way. Its okay--you are both different people than when you got married, but there is a good chance that you can fall in love wiht each other again. You will need to do some internalwork, first, though, to address your depression and find some sources of inner happiness that have nothing to do with your marriage. I suggest a primary care screening for depression, hormones, etc, and then find a counselor. You need to get your groove back.

I would also , when you're ready, try to engage your husband on how he feels about thigns and what he wants. RElationships can go through funks, and seasons. Depression can make it seem like it will never change or get better but it absolutely can.

Also, I kind of find that mid 40s suck--you're still rearing kids, wondering if your career will hit a stride or not, what have you achieved, etc. I am on the other side of 45 and have been thinking about this article:

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jul/21/midlife-crisis-myth-life-gets-better-after-50

How about a side piece.