Anonymous
Post 09/23/2018 11:08     Subject: Re:S/O Are men born less emotional or are they conditioned to act that way?
Anonymous wrote:I think men and women don't get emotional about the same things. Do men care about what their SIL said? No. They wouldn't care as much. Men would pretty much get emotional if someone keyed their cars or slept with their wives.


Sexist
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2018 11:01     Subject: S/O Are men born less emotional or are they conditioned to act that way?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Conditioning. And I think it starts early. I’ve seen men of all races and social classes tell their crying toddler or preschooler sons to essentially man up. One man on the Metro yelled at his toddler who was seeking a comforting kiss to “stop that f*ggy stuff” and then slammed the child into his seat. I’ve never seen a child shut down emotionally that fast. It was like a light clicked off. He just sat there stunnedand silent until they got off at the next stop.


Oh wow. That's terrible.


That guy is a d*ck!
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2018 10:37     Subject: S/O Are men born less emotional or are they conditioned to act that way?
Anonymous wrote:Conditioning. And I think it starts early. I’ve seen men of all races and social classes tell their crying toddler or preschooler sons to essentially man up. One man on the Metro yelled at his toddler who was seeking a comforting kiss to “stop that f*ggy stuff” and then slammed the child into his seat. I’ve never seen a child shut down emotionally that fast. It was like a light clicked off. He just sat there stunnedand silent until they got off at the next stop.


Oh wow. That's terrible.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2018 10:34     Subject: S/O Are men born less emotional or are they conditioned to act that way?
Anonymous wrote:Lets face it most women feel they have enough shit to deal with that they don’t need to listen to their man piss and moan.

Fair enough but don’t whine that men aren’t emotional enough.


I don’t feel that way.

I’m more an action than feelings person —due to a really traumatic childhood, I repress a lot just so I can function. Yes, years and years of intensive therapy. Last therapist said I’m probably as good as I will ever get through therapy and I should focus on my present and future.

That said, what annoys me about anyone expressing their emotions is an inability to follow up with effective actions. My exH was (and still is) the master of self-destructive choices. He is willing and able to express the tiniest nuances in how he feels, but is completely unaware of how his actions impact him or others. Our remaining minor child recently said, “I’ve learned to not get upset when Dad cries. He was using up all my feelings.” My heart breaks for her.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2018 10:28     Subject: S/O Are men born less emotional or are they conditioned to act that way?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, I’m a male litigator. I don’t think toughness makes me better. And understanding my emotions and those of my adversaries makes me more effective.

This whole “men are unemotional” thing is overblown. My son and I have lots of discussions about our emotions etc.


Men simply display their emotions differently. Screaming in rage isn’t more or less emotional than crying when upset. Men are frequently physically harming others. Most violent crime is by men and is clearly linked to negative emotions. I’d argue men are MORE emotional.


+1. I was coming post examples of men at work. It looks different than the woman display emotions but so much men's work behavior is driven by emotion (fear, insecurity, rage, blah blah).


Yep. All of this. You dont get to pretend to be unemotional if you’re yelling at people, punching walls, trying to fight others, etc. Sadness isn’t the only emotion available guys
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2018 10:23     Subject: S/O Are men born less emotional or are they conditioned to act that way?
Conditioning. And I think it starts early. I’ve seen men of all races and social classes tell their crying toddler or preschooler sons to essentially man up. One man on the Metro yelled at his toddler who was seeking a comforting kiss to “stop that f*ggy stuff” and then slammed the child into his seat. I’ve never seen a child shut down emotionally that fast. It was like a light clicked off. He just sat there stunnedand silent until they got off at the next stop.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2018 10:06     Subject: S/O Are men born less emotional or are they conditioned to act that way?
I think nature and a lot of nurture. My DD seems less emotional than my DS, both older teens. So it is individual to a point, but DS has enormous anxiety. I think in the past my DH was the same as my DS, but his Dad imposed a lot of, boys don't.... rules. My sister is younger and so emotional it is irritating. I was raised more like a boy, closer to my dad, and while I am emotional alone, I don't show it to other people. So, I think there is nature and nurture, but there is also a difference in how parents raise their first child no matter the gender. DH is older, I am oldest, and both of our younger sisters are total drama queens, annoying to us. I think order of birth also plays a role in nurture by parents, too much pressure to take care of siblings is still put on older children.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2018 10:02     Subject: S/O Are men born less emotional or are they conditioned to act that way?
I work with children ages 1-4. The boys are as emotional as the girls, sometimes I feel more so.

Anonymous
Post 09/23/2018 09:54     Subject: S/O Are men born less emotional or are they conditioned to act that way?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, I’m a male litigator. I don’t think toughness makes me better. And understanding my emotions and those of my adversaries makes me more effective.

This whole “men are unemotional” thing is overblown. My son and I have lots of discussions about our emotions etc.


Men simply display their emotions differently. Screaming in rage isn’t more or less emotional than crying when upset. Men are frequently physically harming others. Most violent crime is by men and is clearly linked to negative emotions. I’d argue men are MORE emotional.


+1. I was coming post examples of men at work. It looks different than the woman display emotions but so much men's work behavior is driven by emotion (fear, insecurity, rage, blah blah).
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2018 09:34     Subject: S/O Are men born less emotional or are they conditioned to act that way?
Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, I’m a male litigator. I don’t think toughness makes me better. And understanding my emotions and those of my adversaries makes me more effective.

This whole “men are unemotional” thing is overblown. My son and I have lots of discussions about our emotions etc.


Men simply display their emotions differently. Screaming in rage isn’t more or less emotional than crying when upset. Men are frequently physically harming others. Most violent crime is by men and is clearly linked to negative emotions. I’d argue men are MORE emotional.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2018 09:32     Subject: S/O Are men born less emotional or are they conditioned to act that way?
I don’t know, I’m a male litigator. I don’t think toughness makes me better. And understanding my emotions and those of my adversaries makes me more effective.

This whole “men are unemotional” thing is overblown. My son and I have lots of discussions about our emotions etc.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2018 09:24     Subject: Re:S/O Are men born less emotional or are they conditioned to act that way?
Anonymous wrote:Socialization


Hormonal.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2018 09:23     Subject: S/O Are men born less emotional or are they conditioned to act that way?
Anonymous wrote:Agreed. Conditioned. Men and boys have the same full range of emotions as females. Men are taught to repress certain displays of emotions. Emotions still remain.

Hugs OP. You sound like a great Dad.

Is it better to repress? Context. Men crying at work not socially OK. Keep the carrot, lose the stick.

FWIW, I’m more like a dude, I repress pretty much everything but still have feelings. You’d have to peel back an enormous layer of my onion self to really know me. And I’m a vulnerable huge feeler on the inside, like everyone else I assume.

We all carry emotional baggage. My kids don’t get why I rarely cry. I created emotional battle armor to hide the little scared girl on the inside.

It’s great you’re thinking about your son’s emotional range. To start, you need to model expressing uncomfortable feelings in healthy ways. I do too.

Woman


Hormones influence emotions.

Men and women have different hormonal composition.

Some of it is nurture, but an equal amount if not more of it is nature.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2018 09:19     Subject: Re:S/O Are men born less emotional or are they conditioned to act that way?
Anonymous wrote:If you're interested in this subject, there is a good book called the Emotional Life of Boys. It explores the different ways male emotion presents itself.


This.
Boys experience as many emotions as girls but after a certain age they are conditioned to repress everything but anger. All other emotions are treated as weakness. Have you seen little boys crying at soccer games etc and being told to “buck up?” That’s where it comes from. Their Jon anger emotions are not acknowledged as valid so they channel everything into anger and sometimes with devastating end results.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2018 09:17     Subject: S/O Are men born less emotional or are they conditioned to act that way?
Lets face it most women feel they have enough shit to deal with that they don’t need to listen to their man piss and moan.

Fair enough but don’t whine that men aren’t emotional enough.