Anonymous wrote:Talk to a good colorist about how to grow it out well. If your current one doesn't give you answers you like, find a new one! Smitten Salon in Clarendon is awesome, if you need a rec.

Thanks! The colorist I go to now and have been for years is great, but is NOT into the gray concept. It's their bread and butter to collect hundreds of dollars per month from many, many customers though. The owner is a little older and she herself sports a solid shock of obviously colored but fashionable hair. Seems like it would be hard to find someone who would recommend against the service they provide.

Talk to a good colorist about how to grow it out well. If your current one doesn't give you answers you like, find a new one! Smitten Salon in Clarendon is awesome, if you need a rec.

Anonymous wrote:OP, some of these responses have made me chuckle.

i am 45 and an analyst for the Federal Government. i have brown curly hair that falls to my collarbone. i started growing out my gray 1 year ago as i hit the wall then with the upkeep. at this point, i am 50-60% gray around my face and maybe 25% gray over the rest of my head. when i put my hair back in a ponytail or bun, i look 80% gray.

i did not cut my hair. rather, i went to a colorist who said NO to dying gray - he had tried that with another client and it was an epic fail. instead, he gave me ash-y highlights, especially where the majority of my gray had started to peak through (i was probably 1-2" grown out by then). he also gave me some lowlights. this was 10 months ago and i have not been back. i really don't have that much of a demarcation line even around my face, because of the highlights and lowlights that he put in.

i have also changed my makeup. you need to add more color to your face to balance out the gray - so instead of a clear lipgloss i am waring pinkish-red on my lips and never forget to put on blusher. i am happy with my new look, as is my DH. i have zero desire to look "young". why? who takes "young" people seriously? i'm over that phase in life. rather, i want to look good for my age.

one thing i will say about going gray...i realized that i did not want to be gray and frumpy. it motivated me to lose 30 pounds, so now i am thin, my skin looks great, and i've revamped my wardrobe.

hope that helps!

Wow congratulations! That is amazing! Thanks for the details, and your comments on makeup. Appreciate those!

Anonymous wrote:Lorraine Massey (the author of Curly Girl) has a relatively recent book on going gray, with various strategies. I read it out of interest because I'd already stopped dyeing my hair, but you might check it out.

I stopped dyeing my hair maybe 6 years ago? and have never regretted it. Interestingly, once I stopped, the grays appeared less obtrusive than when they showed up as roots on my dyed hair. I get a lot of compliments on it. My hair is curly, and I'd rather spend the money on an amazing Deva-style cut and products.

Plus, I decided also to spend some of that money on Botox. So my hair is turning gray but at least my forehead doesn't look corrugated any more!

Great point- I have lighter hair and I think this is true also, that the white roots look worse than the mix of color/gray. Good idea to divert the coloring money into other wellness related care for yourself.

Hi everyone,

I started this thread and appreciate all of your comments. I remain afraid to stop coloring, even though I strongly dislike it. Really weird psychology, more complex than I understand, I guess.

I am recently single and I am also afraid of looking unattractive, or not finding another spouse, which I want. I am also concerned with our ageist soceity and how that affects work. Thanks for describing your work, if you did. It does matter, unfortunately. I see and hear it every day, even from older people against other older people.

I found a good instagram page called Grombre, and the women on their look great! I have always been very "natural" appearing; no makeup, casual clothing, no real embellishments, so if my hair goes gray I will look sort of hippy/unkempt. One time my hair colorist told me I had the "washed up on a desert island" look. She seemed to be complimenting me, but I don't think that would be good with gray. The women I see with gray who look great generally have bright lipstick, cool art gallery glasses, big dangly earings, are very chic and stylish looking. I don't want to look sloppy... I wear scrubs to work and jeans and outdoorsy stuff at home, so **^%$ I don't know what to do! In healthcare there is a funny reverse ageism for a while, when you are young: "you are not old enough to be my provider! where is the real provider?". I might finally look the part now.

A bunch of my kids' friends' parents are all going gray now, but they are very chic in so many other ways that it adds another cool dimension to their appearance, not a bad thing.

Love to hear more. And also will be checking the gray at 38 thread!

Lorraine Massey (the author of Curly Girl) has a relatively recent book on going gray, with various strategies. I read it out of interest because I'd already stopped dyeing my hair, but you might check it out.

I stopped dyeing my hair maybe 6 years ago? and have never regretted it. Interestingly, once I stopped, the grays appeared less obtrusive than when they showed up as roots on my dyed hair. I get a lot of compliments on it. My hair is curly, and I'd rather spend the money on an amazing Deva-style cut and products.

Plus, I decided also to spend some of that money on Botox. So my hair is turning gray but at least my forehead doesn't look corrugated any more!

Anonymous wrote:I would talk with your hairdresser or find a new one and consult before committing. I haven't done this yet, but I think you can find an interim that doesn't involve massive roots. Would it be possible to dye it all gray and then have less of a transition when it grows out? I don't know if it works with gray, but I did it when I was growing out highlights -- I had my hair dyed brown to cover them, and it matched my natural color so that it didn't look like it was growing out.

+1

Talk to your hairdresser. There might be a way to strip out the old color to speed up the transition.

OP, some of these responses have made me chuckle.

i am 45 and an analyst for the Federal Government. i have brown curly hair that falls to my collarbone. i started growing out my gray 1 year ago as i hit the wall then with the upkeep. at this point, i am 50-60% gray around my face and maybe 25% gray over the rest of my head. when i put my hair back in a ponytail or bun, i look 80% gray.

i did not cut my hair. rather, i went to a colorist who said NO to dying gray - he had tried that with another client and it was an epic fail. instead, he gave me ash-y highlights, especially where the majority of my gray had started to peak through (i was probably 1-2" grown out by then). he also gave me some lowlights. this was 10 months ago and i have not been back. i really don't have that much of a demarcation line even around my face, because of the highlights and lowlights that he put in.

i have also changed my makeup. you need to add more color to your face to balance out the gray - so instead of a clear lipgloss i am waring pinkish-red on my lips and never forget to put on blusher. i am happy with my new look, as is my DH. i have zero desire to look "young". why? who takes "young" people seriously? i'm over that phase in life. rather, i want to look good for my age.

one thing i will say about going gray...i realized that i did not want to be gray and frumpy. it motivated me to lose 30 pounds, so now i am thin, my skin looks great, and i've revamped my wardrobe.

hope that helps!

I saw someone ten years after I had seen her with dyed hair. She had let the hair grow out gray and in a stylish chin-length cut. But, um, she looked shockingly old.

I have lowlights, which prevent the 'skunk stripe'. That's a more natural grow-out look, but after two or three treatments, the salt-and-pepper look on most of the hair is gone, it's solid brown, and it's almost as bad as a skunk stripe. I guess a solution could be to color it all gray and lowlight again, and that way the brown that's still there will show up as the gray starts to grow out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you not be doing demi-permanent washes until the real color grows out? Then the demi-perm fades you will have all gray underneath

Any reccs on brands and where to buy?

I'm the PP on the gray hair blog. Some people on there had tried this but the consensus seems to be that they all regret it. Apparently it does not come out all the way, or yellows the hair (can't remember which). Another regret seems to by adding lowlights etc. It lengthens the time one takes to grow out their hair.

I would talk with your hairdresser or find a new one and consult before committing. I haven't done this yet, but I think you can find an interim that doesn't involve massive roots. Would it be possible to dye it all gray and then have less of a transition when it grows out? I don't know if it works with gray, but I did it when I was growing out highlights -- I had my hair dyed brown to cover them, and it matched my natural color so that it didn't look like it was growing out.

I did it, OP. My hairdresser was a huge help. My hair was shoulder length. She cut it much shorter and in layers. For a long time it looked kinda like my hair was highlighted. I went in frequently for trims. It took about a year to get all the color out. I love the way it looks! My gray isn't that corse frizzy type - At least not yet. I'm about 50% gray but it blends really nicely with my lightish brown hair. I'm so glad I no longer color.

Can you just dye your hair gray and touch up the bottom only so it eventually meets in the middle?

When I started going gray I began lowlighting my hair. Hair dresser initially fought me on the idea but now is blown away at how good it looks and has started doing in with other clients. I only have to do it twice a year. I look so much younger than my contemporaries who went gray -- I am 59 and look like late 40s, they look 70.

Anonymous wrote:Why would you not be doing demi-permanent washes until the real color grows out? Then the demi-perm fades you will have all gray underneath

Any reccs on brands and where to buy?