Anonymous wrote:I got a husband like this out of the house 7 months ago. I can’t even begin to tell you how much better our lives are. He has every other weekend and is court ordered to not consume alcohol at any time the kids are in his care. He only has them 4 nights a month and it’s been fine.

The emotional freedom that comes from getting such a spouse out of the home is amazing. I thought I would die when this all came about- I really did. BUT, that was because I had been dealing with verbal abuse for 2 years. The kids felt it, saw it- and now DONT any more. I hope to have another 40 years ahead of me and I’m not apending them with a sick mo after. Nor are my kids.

Get him out.

Not OP but seriously considering leaving my ‘recovering’ alcoholic spouse. How did you get the court order and how is it enforced? I really worry about H driving with my kids drunk or passing out at night with them in his care or whatever. If you are local and have a lawyer you can recommend who can help me understand how to protect them, please provide (I am in MD).

Anonymous wrote:Even our couples counselor said he wasn’t capable of safely handling two kids on his own.

For the sake of argument, please accept this as fact. And yes, he has already threatened me with joint custody if I divorce him. And I don’t love him.

How do I make the best out of this situation? How do we make a good life for our kids under these circumstances?

Why? Mental illness? Substance abuse? Or your interpretation?

Eventually, they are old enough that they can mostly look after themselves. Plan your exit once you get there.

I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Feeling like you cannot trust your spouse, especially with your kids, is a very painful thing and it is obvious it is causing stress for you and your family. The fact that you are open to going to counseling (and that he's going with you?) offers hope - you both are invested in your marriage and are attempting to make it work. A great resource to check out is this link - it's an intensive marriage counseling service for marriages in crisis: https://bit.ly/2lNBCSb
At the same time, please remember to care for yourself - I am hoping you have trustworthy friends/family that can watch your kids from time to time so that you can take a break and recharge.
I'll be praying for you!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids?

You can give a five year old a cell phone and teach them to call you if they're afraid. You can also call them on the phone. Technology can help you.

Most likely he would get every other weekend, which is not the end of the world. The kids will live.

You don’t know that the kids will live, PP. You have no clue what this guy’s problems are. Clearly they are serious enough that OP is willing to stay and looking for ways to make it palatable.

NP- you also don’t know the situation. Unless there are more facts, it’s difficult to give any advice but staying is never the only option.

Anonymous wrote:I think in DC even if you have a past of addiction but claim you are in treatment the courts still Grant joint custody. How do you prove ask for urine test before every visit?

Breathalyzer before and after. It’s in my friends’ custody order as to her Ex.

Anonymous wrote:I got a husband like this out of the house 7 months ago. I can’t even begin to tell you how much better our lives are. He has every other weekend and is court ordered to not consume alcohol at any time the kids are in his care. He only has them 4 nights a month and it’s been fine.

The emotional freedom that comes from getting such a spouse out of the home is amazing. I thought I would die when this all came about- I really did. BUT, that was because I had been dealing with verbal abuse for 2 years. The kids felt it, saw it- and now DONT any more. I hope to have another 40 years ahead of me and I’m not apending them with a sick mo after. Nor are my kids.

Get him out.

Listen to this. I applaud this woman for leaving.

I would start documenting examples of irresponsible behavior, on camera as much as possible (e.g. dashcam if driving, nannycam otherwise). Build a case and then talk to a lawyer about how you'd go about getting sole custody with only supervised visits.

Is he not capable of caring for the kids bc of, say, ADHD? Like hes a scatterbrained and forgetful and not forward thinking to where it endangers the kids? Bipolar or depressed? If it is a mental illness there is hope and treatment to at least improve.

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids?

You can give a five year old a cell phone and teach them to call you if they're afraid. You can also call them on the phone. Technology can help you.

Most likely he would get every other weekend, which is not the end of the world. The kids will live.

You don’t know that the kids will live, PP. You have no clue what this guy’s problems are. Clearly they are serious enough that OP is willing to stay and looking for ways to make it palatable.

How old are the kids?

You can give a five year old a cell phone and teach them to call you if they're afraid. You can also call them on the phone. Technology can help you.

Most likely he would get every other weekend, which is not the end of the world. The kids will live.

I think in DC even if you have a past of addiction but claim you are in treatment the courts still Grant joint custody. How do you prove ask for urine test before every visit?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to stick it out.

She knows that. She is asking how best to do it.

Without detail, I disagree. If he is not abusive, he can learn to take care of the children and she can hire psychologists to support sole custody if he is that bad. If they are older, the DCs can voice their preference. A number of Moms I know that divorced said their husbands could not wat h the kids but in reality it was because the Moms has done it all along and the Dads had zero experience. Of course, the Dads could have stepped up but they didn’t because their wives didn’t trust them and would micromanage any parenting they tried to do. The Dads post-divorce did step up and while likely not parenting the kids the way the Moms would like, the kids are fine.

I suspect this is more than merely “stepping up”