DH has Medicare 8 years earlier and I have very few options if we want to retire around the same time as he carries the health insurance through his job and I don't have access to it with my job. This is something we never really thought about when younger plus when we did we figured the US would have finally figured it out but alas it's been 25 years and nothing truly feasible has been established.

I think retirement age is the biggest issue. It’s not fun to be 10 years younger if your spouse is retiring and wanting to travel, etc, while you’re stuck working 10 more years. Depends on individual situations of course.

I think it might matter more when you're older. When the older one hits retirement age, the younger will probably still be working. By the time the younger one retires, the older one will probably be facing more health issues.

DW here and am 8 years younger than DH. Now that we are both over 50, I think a 5 years or less gap is probably ideal. It didn't matter as much when we were younger - met at the same ages as OP but I'm noticing it more now that we're older.

Anonymous wrote:Does it matter male vs female?

25F, 34M - no common enough.

25M, 34F? - hmm. prob matters if woman is 34 and wants kids. or 25 yo is male and will move off for grad school. otherwise, just a fling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s okay if it’s the man who is older.

Your sexist. Personally, I would not want to date a 25 year old man if I was 35 but, you are being ridiculous.

Why wouldn’t you want to date a 25 year old man if you were 35?

Its fine. Lots of marriages in our family like this. It starts to get inconvenient once the older person in the couple starts hitting "age milestones" that the younger one is still a decade away from experiencing or understanding though. Even if the logical part of your brain knows it is coming, the reality of it hits some people hard (e.g., sex life, immobility, not able/wanting to do stuff you used to love, slowing down generally, nursing home life).

No, but maybe it would matter for having kids if the woman was older.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s okay if it’s the man who is older.

Your sexist. Personally, I would not want to date a 25 year old man if I was 35 but, you are being ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:The age gap gets less as you age. I'm with a guy who is eight years my senior now. But if I'd met him when I was 25 ... 33 would have seemed considerably older to me. Because I was immature.

It's a bell curve.

The age gap is less noticeable when you are both middle aged, or 30s and 40s. It's much more noticeable when one is in their 20's, and then again, in 40 years, when the younger one is in the 60's and the older is closer to 80.

I can’t speak for men, but as a mid 30s woman, here’s my experience:

I mostly dated older men in my 10s (10-20 years older). I didn’t see it at the time, but looking back, they had some problems. Women their own age weren’t interested, and as a 20-something with no real world experience, I was more easily impressed (you have your own apartment?? Downtown?! With no roommates?! I’m in!!). Once I reached late 20s/early 30s I had better judgement and broke it off with the older guy I was seeing.

As for the male being the younger partner- I have some hobbies (athletic/sports) that are primarily 20s male dominated, and no way in hell would I ever date them. So, so, SO much drama. And relationships are completely different for them, based almost entirely on texting and social media. They seem to really struggle with actual face-to-face relationships. And the tantrums- I’ve had a couple of the guys from my hobbies initiate (text-only) “friendships” with me, where they eventually tried to get sex and nude photos from me. When I declined, they were all “omg you’re such a bitch!! You are so mean!!” and then never spoke to me again.

My dh is 5 years older. I wouldn’t want any more of a gap.

It depends on your tolerance for a man-child. The biggest problem is that men in their 30s who date women a decade younger tend to have the emotional maturity of someone just out of college. When you're young, that's no big deal, but you may find you tire of being the grownup in the relationship.

DH is 13 years older than me and it works great. I had kids when I was younger by DC standard (because I wanted to) he had them older because he was not ready before. We had a great relationship and those that judge relationships with a bigger age gaps are likely wives terrified at the thought of their husbands leaving them for a younger woman. DH’s first wife only tried to get back with him once she saw my pictures on social media... (I met him after they divorced and it was her choice).

I don’t think it’s a problem at this point in your life. If he is the younger one, there may be some issues with immaturity, but that is really case-by-case.

It may be a problem down the line, when the younger person wants kids (or more kids) in his or her mid-30s, and the older one is done due to age.

It may also be a problem in your late 40s/50s/early 60s when the older is ready for retirement, and the younger is still in his or her prime, career-wise.

My husband is 11 years older than I am, and we’ve been together for 10 years. We are running into problem 1 (I want to have another kid at 37, he feels that he is too old).

My parents are 10 years apart. They experienced problem 2 in their 50s/60s when Dad wanted to retire and Mom wasn’t ready.