I think coming into school for a couple hours every other day is reasonable.

That first year is a shock, especially if your previous childcare situation was an all-inclusive daycare or nanny situation. School is different; public or private, they all expect parents to make it work or provide the "fun" stuff.

I suggest letting your child guide you, at least a little bit. If she wants to do the spirit wear, or would dearly love you or dad to come be a mystery reader, I would try to make it happen.

By the time your other two kids are in school, you will feel more relaxed about all of these things, and you'll know what you can do and what you want to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My idea of it is to send my child dressed, fed, rested and ready to learn. I'm not trying to be an involved parent. We read every night, we talk about homework and I help her study for spelling tests, etc. I don't even read any of the fliers asking for stuff - DD throws them in recycling. I taught her what permission slips look like and to err on the side of caution. I wouldn't mind going on a field trip once a year or something, but that's it. I'll send in a treat for DD's birthday.

YES. This is OP. Thank you. This is what I feel like is my job too - fed, dressed, rested and ready. With appropriate supplies and an open-minded approach to his teacher's approach in the classrom. And help with studying, when the time comes. I, too, and going to toss everything else (except permission slips!).

SAHM here and I agree! Can’t believe how many parents just buy whatever is asked of them!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont' have time or interest in supporting all of these causes, either with my efforts or my money.

No one expects you to support all the causes! You've said you'll chaperone a field trip and donate classroom supplies. That's great. Some other parent might be more interested in helping fund the yearbook by sponsoring a page. It's fine to pick and choose. That said, I'll put in a plug for at least joining the PTA, if you haven't already, since they usually fund a large number of projects and activities over the course of the year. Membership comes with no other obligations (meetings and volunteering aren't mandatory), but it's hard for the PTA volunteers to make things happen at the school without membership funds.

I agree with this. Helping out 1-2 times a year is fine. If everyone did that then the school would have plenty of help! It’s when parents help zero throughout the year where it falls to the same 15 people. And your 15-20 pta membership will go to good use. Ie Our PTA funds the assemblies for the kids. The kids love them and learn a lot.

I stopped by the year my lastborn was in his final year because they administration was such a bunch of assholes. I still supported the teachers who suffered under those witches. I became unmotivated to do anything that didn't directly help my kid's own teachers.

There are of course helicopter parents, but it is also the case that some children need more parental support than others. If your child is independent at an early age, consider yourself lucky.. I’m fine with minimal involvement, but not the condescending judgement. As to PTA/ parties/fieltrips, some parents enjoy it and have time, some don’t - I would rather do things for my kid directly when I can, rather than school wife, but I appreciate those that volunteer their time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- calm down. You don't have to do everything, but you will get a request for everything. Feel free to ignore what doesn't work for you. The paper in ES is INSANE, even when you have said you'd like e-mail. Do what you're comfortable with. Honestly, my youngest is in his last year of ES and I am as happy as he is. There are still asks in MS, but not as much, and by MS, you've got it.

You are doing great and being helpful!

OMG, my oldest just started MS and I am shellshocked by all the communication we get. It is 10x more than ES. All the beginning-of-the year forms like health, permissions, disclaimers, student R&R, of course. But then there are things from each of the 7 individual teachers, who of course all communicate through different channels and have their own supply lists. We have Blacboard, ParentVUE, Google classroom, emails and paper. PE uniforms (shorts and sweats), orchesta uniforms, fundraisers for the art department, instrument rentals, etc. And we have not even scratched the surface of the after school clubs. Three weeks in I still feel like I have been hit by a freight train. DC has ADHD and executive functioning issues, so I am helping with organization, tracking, time management, etc.

But back to the OPs question: do what you want, and ignore the rest. In ES I sent in supplies, volunteered in the classroom once a week to read with the kids, chaperoned field trips and helped with a few PTA events here and there. Later on I also served as PTA treasurer for 2 years, which was rewarding, but a LOT of work. We were at a high FARMS ES, so they always needed volunteers and they welcomed any help parents could provide. Yes, we would check homework and help if needed (rarely). We also both work FT and have two kids.

Yes. And wtf is canvas? Can parents view canvas? It appears to be where they find all of their assignments, but only they can get in.

We are in our 2nd year of MS and I've come to see that parentVue is for grades and attendance, but not assignments. I also have the teachers talking about "Synergy", loading grades into Synergy. WTF? I am going to lose my mind.

I trust my kid. He's been handling things while I don't have a f*cking clue and I feel like the important things were not communicated to parents, but we get a shitload of emails about useless things.

I read the teacher emails. I volunteered for the class parties and chaperoned many field trips. One year (never to be repeated) I was roped into being room mom. I am hands off.

I have a 5th grader and a 7th grader (2nd year of MS). Both boys. By being hands off and teaching good habits young, I almost never know what is going on in the classroom or their assignments anymore. But, they have always brought home straight As and are in GT.

My 7th grader has 3 HS credit classes and was really upset the teacher took off 25 points for turning in a signed syllabus one day late. Even though he's gotten 100% on all assignments since, the syllabus crap was weighted to count for much more. I really have had to bite my tongue to not write something. I mean I know it is teaching him responsibility, but he is only 12 years old with a class that will be on his college transcript. The school has forced these HS credit courses down everyone's throats so there really aren't any suitable MS electives except for the ones that happen to be HS credit.

So, I would not hover over your kids. I would not constantly be micromanaging how they do their homework or EVEN WORSE---do what a lot of parents at our school did---complete their major projects for them. The teacher downgraded a few because it was blatantly obvious the kid didn't do it. Then, when asked questions about one history project---the kid couldn't answer any questions. Don't be that parent. They learn by making mistakes, forgetting things at home and if you step in every single minute in elementary/MS, it's going to bite you in the ass down the road.

So, yes, I am letting that syllabus thing go and gave my kid a lecture about being more organized.

I would still donate to the PTA if you don’t want to do anything else. The money comes back to your kid in the form of fun events or extra programming.

Anonymous wrote:OP- calm down. You don't have to do everything, but you will get a request for everything. Feel free to ignore what doesn't work for you. The paper in ES is INSANE, even when you have said you'd like e-mail. Do what you're comfortable with. Honestly, my youngest is in his last year of ES and I am as happy as he is. There are still asks in MS, but not as much, and by MS, you've got it.

You are doing great and being helpful!

OMG, my oldest just started MS and I am shellshocked by all the communication we get. It is 10x more than ES. All the beginning-of-the year forms like health, permissions, disclaimers, student R&R, of course. But then there are things from each of the 7 individual teachers, who of course all communicate through different channels and have their own supply lists. We have Blacboard, ParentVUE, Google classroom, emails and paper. PE uniforms (shorts and sweats), orchesta uniforms, fundraisers for the art department, instrument rentals, etc. And we have not even scratched the surface of the after school clubs. Three weeks in I still feel like I have been hit by a freight train. DC has ADHD and executive functioning issues, so I am helping with organization, tracking, time management, etc.

But back to the OPs question: do what you want, and ignore the rest. In ES I sent in supplies, volunteered in the classroom once a week to read with the kids, chaperoned field trips and helped with a few PTA events here and there. Later on I also served as PTA treasurer for 2 years, which was rewarding, but a LOT of work. We were at a high FARMS ES, so they always needed volunteers and they welcomed any help parents could provide. Yes, we would check homework and help if needed (rarely). We also both work FT and have two kids.

My kid is in his third year of our ES and there are a lot of asks and a lot of papers. I'm a SAHM and I don't do everything or give money to every cause. I help with a couple of school-wide things (like help the school librarian shelve books) because I enjoy it. We give money to the PTA. We support my kid and his school in the ways that work for our family and I don't judge people who do more or less...everyone is different.

As for the K homework, it did take a bit more time at the beginning of the year because my kid couldn't read yet or fully understand what was being asked. As the year went on though he could do it himself (with me reading the directions) and then toward the end of the year he'd read and do it all himself. It'd take us 15 minutes on a weekend. I thought the homework was a good thing overall because he felt proud completing it independently and thus putting a positive spin on homework (which I know will someday change).

Is this public school or private school, OP? We knew going on how many hours we would have to devote to DS’s private school activities and parent groups.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont' have time or interest in supporting all of these causes, either with my efforts or my money.

No one expects you to support all the causes! You've said you'll chaperone a field trip and donate classroom supplies. That's great. Some other parent might be more interested in helping fund the yearbook by sponsoring a page. It's fine to pick and choose. That said, I'll put in a plug for at least joining the PTA, if you haven't already, since they usually fund a large number of projects and activities over the course of the year. Membership comes with no other obligations (meetings and volunteering aren't mandatory), but it's hard for the PTA volunteers to make things happen at the school without membership funds.

I agree with this. Helping out 1-2 times a year is fine. If everyone did that then the school would have plenty of help! It’s when parents help zero throughout the year where it falls to the same 15 people. And your 15-20 pta membership will go to good use. Ie Our PTA funds the assemblies for the kids. The kids love them and learn a lot.

Wow, why have kids if you will not do something as simple as help with homework. I don't get this.

Anonymous wrote:I dont' have time or interest in supporting all of these causes, either with my efforts or my money.

No one expects you to support all the causes! You've said you'll chaperone a field trip and donate classroom supplies. That's great. Some other parent might be more interested in helping fund the yearbook by sponsoring a page. It's fine to pick and choose. That said, I'll put in a plug for at least joining the PTA, if you haven't already, since they usually fund a large number of projects and activities over the course of the year. Membership comes with no other obligations (meetings and volunteering aren't mandatory), but it's hard for the PTA volunteers to make things happen at the school without membership funds.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you're doing great, except for the HW. Either sit down with him and read him the directions, help him do what he's supposed to do, or put it away and don't do it at all. Don't give him a paper he can't read and tell him to have at it. That's discouraging.

I just mean that I am not going to do it for him.There are a few parts, usually, that I would basically have to spoonfeed him in order to get him to complete, and I think that's just a waste of everyone's time. I make sure he gets what he is supposed to do, but I'm not going to nag him to complete it.

I guess being an involved parent includes developing communication and coaching strategies to help him complete a task, or learn for next time how to complete a task, and it's incumbent on you to find the balance between spoonfeeding the work and abandoning him to it.

Yes but it's not the job of the parent to explain/spoonfeed the child the homework - that's the teacher's responsibility. There's a natural middle ground but some parents like to err on the side of doing the homework for their child vs guiding the child enough to generally figure it out and if they can't finish it, so be it. Their learning occurs at school from 9-3, not at home from 5-6pm (or 7-8pm, depending on age).

Huh, I can't agree with that. If my kid comes home with homework and they're not understanding a concept in it, I feel lucky to have an opportunity to help my child thrive, by [looking it up on the Internet and] explaining it to them. If we weren't doing that focused work, I'd be pulling workbooks and bargaining worksheets for TV show episodes anyway. I'm an involved parent. However, there is no way I'll volunteer for the carpool lane management or the auction, or chaperone anything, I work full-time, so I guess I'm not an engaged parent.