Anonymous
Post 09/13/2018 15:20     Subject: Husband pretty much called me a wh***
He turned it around to justify his affair. "See, I'm totally justified in sticking my dick in someone else because my wife is such a whore." It's called the Affair Fog. Google it.

Do not tell him you suspect cheating. It will only make him cover up better and lie better. First, go see a lawyer. Get advice and get your financial ducks in a row. Then, if you want evidence, hire a PI to follow him.

Once you have everything prepared, then you tell him "Something is wrong in our marriage. It is obvious you aren't happy. Let's get therapy or go away to a couple's weekend so we can fix and reconnect our marriage."

If he refuses, then you say "Fine, here is the affair evidence I have. And here is the name of my lawyer. And here is an overnight bag. Go to your girlfriend's house. We can discuss when you'll pick up the rest of your stuff later."

You want to shock him out of his affair fog.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2018 15:20     Subject: Re:Husband pretty much called me a wh***
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Cheating or not, I don't think I could ever get over it if DH claimed our child isn't really his. Call me a b*tch, tell me I'm the worst human being in the world, whatever. But bring our child into it and reject our child to hurt me? Nah. It wouldn't be the healthy or "right" reaction but I'd be very tempted to invite him to leave our lives and never come back if he really didn't think he was the father.


Totally. I could tell my DH I cheated all through TTC our two kids and there is still no way he would ever say they were not his. What kind of father says that. So far over the line. So far.


DP here. I agree with this point, which is why I asked OP for more context about their history. And if they never fight it’s even more insane to have an interaction with these types of accusations. I wonder if OP used to be an AP, maybe her DH is moving on to the next one and mad about being trapped. Or maybe there is something else entirely going on that is causing him to blow up at her. But there are many signs that point to an u dercurrent of infidelity here.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2018 15:18     Subject: Husband pretty much called me a wh***
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I mistakenly brought up a random guy during an argument. I was trying to explain to my husband that he wouldn’t like it if I talked about a male friend as much as he talks about his female friend. He constantly brings up this one woman’s name and I was trying to explain why it bothers me. So, I said.. “Imagine if everyday I said, Jason said this and he did this. It was so funny. He’s hilarious” etc. He FLIPPED and turned it into me wanting to have sex with the guy who’s nane that I used in my example. He said I must want him because I’m clearly thinking about him. This escalated into him saying he knew that he couldn’t trust me, that I must love messing with married men, that I have no money and use him (my husband) for money, our kids are probably not his.... pretty much every possible insult in the book. I’m shocked and I don’t even know what I did wrong. I was just making an example. I feel like this just ended our 10 year marriage, over nothing. We never fight. This came out of nowhere. I don’t know what to do.


Oh boy. Classic. He's having an affair.



AGREE!! 100% #beenthere
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2018 15:15     Subject: Re:Husband pretty much called me a wh***
Anonymous wrote:Cheating or not, I don't think I could ever get over it if DH claimed our child isn't really his. Call me a b*tch, tell me I'm the worst human being in the world, whatever. But bring our child into it and reject our child to hurt me? Nah. It wouldn't be the healthy or "right" reaction but I'd be very tempted to invite him to leave our lives and never come back if he really didn't think he was the father.


Totally. I could tell my DH I cheated all through TTC our two kids and there is still no way he would ever say they were not his. What kind of father says that. So far over the line. So far.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2018 15:10     Subject: Re:Husband pretty much called me a wh***
Cheating or not, I don't think I could ever get over it if DH claimed our child isn't really his. Call me a b*tch, tell me I'm the worst human being in the world, whatever. But bring our child into it and reject our child to hurt me? Nah. It wouldn't be the healthy or "right" reaction but I'd be very tempted to invite him to leave our lives and never come back if he really didn't think he was the father.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2018 15:08     Subject: Husband pretty much called me a wh***
Yeah, but are you?
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2018 15:04     Subject: Husband pretty much called me a wh***
Anonymous wrote:Yes to the above. If he's not, he's at least thought about it.


This. He's either there or close to it.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2018 15:01     Subject: Husband pretty much called me a wh***
10 years with children is a lot to end a marriage over. You said your DH accuses you of wanting married men. Were you and DH previously APs?

He is deflecting. For an affair, guilt, frustration who knows. You should try to find out what happened. You said you never fight: do you two communicate about the tough things? It could be simmering from something else suppressed. Maybe it’s better if you two write something short (email/text) to communicate since you are both talking past each other about this issue.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2018 14:58     Subject: Husband pretty much called me a wh***
If he's not cheating, he's a f*cking psycho.

Wait - check that, correction: Whether or not he's cheating, he's a f*cking psycho.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2018 14:52     Subject: Husband pretty much called me a wh***
Anonymous wrote:I'm sure it happens, but I've never understood why someone having an affair would frequently bring up the name of the affair partner to their spouse. If I were ever going to have an affair, I doubt I'd ever bring up their name.

(In fact, I'd probably go overboard.
[Wife]: Mentions woman next door.
[Me]: Who? Never heard of her. Someone lives next door?)


Here's the reason. The new person is ON THEIR MIND all the time, and they want to talk about how great their new girlfriend/boyfriend is. It's like any new relationship. BUT ... they person they share it with is their spouse, because they are also quite close to their spouse. Because their spouse is there to talk to. And they neeeeeeed to share. Whoopsie.

Anonymous
Post 09/13/2018 14:49     Subject: Husband pretty much called me a wh***
How the hell do so many of y'all get into these fights that go from 0 to 100mph in 5.2 seconds? Got damn you'd think after years of being together most of you would know how to deescalate shit so it doesn't fly off the handle and end up in drama-ville so easily.

Anonymous
Post 09/13/2018 14:29     Subject: Re:Husband pretty much called me a wh***
Cheating and he’s stupid.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2018 13:42     Subject: Husband pretty much called me a wh***
Anonymous wrote:No need to find out what he has been up to. I'd be done anyhow. Offer to have paternity test done, to prove kids are his. Start the separation process.



This thread made me think about a fiancee I had many years ago. He started similar type arguments out of the blue with snide comments. I didn't want to waste anymore time and followed him in a friends car. Sure enough he was cheating, whereby I moved his stuff out of my home.

OP you need to nip this quickly and not by asking him. His behavior will show you the truth, not what he says. Then at least you have the information and can decide what to do.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2018 13:40     Subject: Husband pretty much called me a wh***
Anonymous wrote:I mistakenly brought up a random guy during an argument. I was trying to explain to my husband that he wouldn’t like it if I talked about a male friend as much as he talks about his female friend. He constantly brings up this one woman’s name and I was trying to explain why it bothers me. So, I said.. “Imagine if everyday I said, Jason said this and he did this. It was so funny. He’s hilarious” etc. He FLIPPED and turned it into me wanting to have sex with the guy who’s nane that I used in my example. He said I must want him because I’m clearly thinking about him. This escalated into him saying he knew that he couldn’t trust me, that I must love messing with married men, that I have no money and use him (my husband) for money, our kids are probably not his.... pretty much every possible insult in the book. I’m shocked and I don’t even know what I did wrong. I was just making an example. I feel like this just ended our 10 year marriage, over nothing. We never fight. This came out of nowhere. I don’t know what to do.


You feel like this just ended your marriage because he’s trying to do that.

First, he’s got something to hide and easily projects the same intentions onto you. Second, you’re out of line for questioning him. Knock you senseless, and maybe you won’t try that again.

He’s a cheat and a d*ck. I’m sorry.

Anonymous
Post 09/13/2018 13:29     Subject: Re:Husband pretty much called me a wh***
Tell him when you go to court for alimony and child support you’ll be happy for the judge to order paternity tests so he’ll know for sure he’s paying for HIS children.