Anonymous wrote:My husband and I realized a year of trying had quickly gone by, with no results and both of us getting older. Finally decided to get some preliminary tests done. My blood tests and hsg were all normal. His tests showed very low morphology, 1%.
Thinking of everything that is likely before us if we want to have one child, let alone the more than one I had always imagined, is really hard. I don't want to vent my frustrations to him, as I'm sure he already is feeling bad. It's hard thinking that my body is so ready right now, and might not be for much longer, and every month that passes is harder and harder.
Anyone in a similar situation, how do deal with this in a healthy way? How do you keep it from taking over your relationship? How do you keep your frustrations in check?
There's so much good technical advice on here, but a little less technical advice is also much appreciated!

I think you should try to remove emotion out of the equation and approach it like a project. Step one, step two etc. It is not a judgment on you, and it is not evidence of your failures in some way. It's just something you need to do, that's all.

Be proactive. Always have a plan B. For me, it was adoption.

Good luck!!

I would recommend getting into some kind of physical activity like yoga, cycling outdoors, anything that will help counter the physical effects of the process and keep you sane.

I also insisted on doing romantic things with my partner that were not baby related- lots of dates, weekend get aways. I'd make myself get all gussied up even when I felt like crap and used the time to romance him to let him know I still desire him as more than a part of my baby making plan. It balanced the time when I was bat **** crazy, bloated, despondent, and/or miserable.

One thing we did if you end up doing Ivf is we planned a trip around the time that we would find out the results. That way it was either a celebratory trip or a lick our wounds trip. Either way it was helpful.

GO straight to IVF, while you are still relatively young (you are not over 40). We have no chance at natural conception as his semen analysis turned up zero sperm. After the result came in, we had no choice but IVF ICSI. Turned out he was born with missing pipe to flush out his sperm. We needed PESA to aspirate "workable" sperm from him. It's kind good to know that you don't need to waste your time. Go for IVF sooner the better.

i was in a similar boat - my husband had 0% morphology and low count (motility was adequate). I, on the other, had great numbers. I was rather gutted initially, but through a lot of research learned that morphology is highly subjective. There have been studies that have shown that many men with 0% morphology go on to conceive naturally, it just takes a bit longer. But it was very hard to cope with the "will i ever be a mother" problem, knowing that the odds are against us.

As for advice on the relationship - as challenging as it was for me, my husband was racked with a lot of guilt that it was his fault. I tried my best to always phase things as "our problem", "we need" and never about "him" or "you" ... ultimately this is a challenge that WE had to go through together, regardless if the hurdle was caused by my body or his. I also tried to refocus on the fact that I knew we will eventually have a family, i just didn't know when and in what form (we were open to attempting IVF, and/or adoption). Also, everyone processes differently - i wanted to talk about it constantly, because that is how i feel better. My husband preferred not to be reminded at all times. It took a few good fights for me to get the message, and i learned that i needed to use my best friend as my outlet for the constant talking about the issue, because all it did was remind my husband of what he thought was his "failure." We also booked several small trips every few months as ways to distract and refocus on our love for each other. With TTC, esp with fertility problems, it's really easy to let it consume your life. Remind yourself of the reasons you love this person, and have fun with this person outside of family.

On the more technical side, make sure he looks at his diet. Boost the antioxidants to help with morphology, as well as de-stress, and reduce or remove any drinking/smoking in his life. This did improve my husbands numbers (and it takes 3 months for these changes to go into effect). He also started some supplements (fertilaid).

just FYI, we ultimately are a success story. my husband's numbers improved slightly, but were still not great (morph was only 1-2%, and count was in the 5th percentile), and we had just scheduled our first IUI (I also had an HSG, which i think helped his swimmers) and then ended up falling pregnant naturally.

best of luck!

If you are open to IVF, male factor alone has a very high success rate. Definitely see an RE right away but you’re very likely to have a positive outcome.

Anonymous wrote:I think getting a 'diagnosis' at the start of this journey is such a blessing and a curse. You now have a better understanding of what's going on, but then the feelings come into play. I can speak as the individual that was 'the problem'. It sucked, but I can also say that I know my husband felt the pain too. We were in it together. We did a lot of praying together and just kept an open line of communication. Actually our catch phrase during infertility was "is that statement building a bridge or a wall?" lol. It help us reframe and stay on track. I also found that once we started to see a specialist and there was a possible solution, we could move forward. I won't sit here and say it was easy, but we survived. I'll say some prayers for you and your husband as you both begin this journey together. Hugs <3

Great post. Thank you, PP.

I think getting a 'diagnosis' at the start of this journey is such a blessing and a curse. You now have a better understanding of what's going on, but then the feelings come into play. I can speak as the individual that was 'the problem'. It sucked, but I can also say that I know my husband felt the pain too. We were in it together. We did a lot of praying together and just kept an open line of communication. Actually our catch phrase during infertility was "is that statement building a bridge or a wall?" lol. It help us reframe and stay on track. I also found that once we started to see a specialist and there was a possible solution, we could move forward. I won't sit here and say it was easy, but we survived. I'll say some prayers for you and your husband as you both begin this journey together. Hugs <3